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Kola_boof
Veteran Poster
Username: Kola_boof
Post Number: 62
Registered: 07-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, October 06, 2004 - 01:33 pm: | 
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Here is a piece written by Andy Rooney - CBS 60 Minutes.
> >
> >Andy Rooney says:
As I grow in age, I value women who are over 30 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:
A woman over 30 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think.
> >
> >If a woman over 30 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit
> >around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And,
> >it's usually something more interesting.
> >
> >A woman over 30 knows herself well enough to be assured in who she
> >is, what she is, what she wants and from whom. Few women past the age
> >of 30 give a darn what you might think about her or what she's doing.
> >
> >Women over 30 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with
> >you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant.
> >
> >Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you, if
> >they think they can get away with it.
> >
> >Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know
> >what it's like to be unappreciated.
> >
> >A woman over 30 has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women
> >friends. A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best
> >friend cause she doesn't trust the guy with other women.
> >
> >Women over 30 couldn't care less if you're attracted to her friends
> >because she knows her friends won't betray her.
> >
> >Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to
> >a woman over 30. They always know.
> >
> >A woman over 30 looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not
> >true of younger women or drag queens. Once you get past a wrinkle or
> >two, a woman over 30 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.
> >
> >Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if
> >you are a jerk if you are acting like one! You don't ever have to
> >wonder where you stand with her.
> >
> >Yes, we praise women over 30 for a multitude of reasons.
> >Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart,
> >well-coiffed woman 30+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow
> >pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year-old waitress.
> >
> >Ladies, I apologize. For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when
> >you can get the milk for free." Here's an update for you. Nowadays
> >80% of women are against marriage, why? Because women realize it's
> >not worth buying an entire Pig, just to get a little sausage.
> >
> >Andy Rooney |
Crystal
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Crystal
Post Number: 133
Registered: 01-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, October 06, 2004 - 01:53 pm: |
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Hey KB. I've seen this Rooney piece before but it was about women over 50, which I think is much more true than for women over 30. Those 30-40 aged women are still fighting hard for a man and a lot of these things still apply to them.
That first one is my favorite and the last one is the truth! |
Moonsigns
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Moonsigns
Post Number: 295
Registered: 07-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, October 06, 2004 - 07:29 pm: |
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"A woman over 30" --I really like this. |
Kola_boof
Veteran Poster
Username: Kola_boof
Post Number: 67
Registered: 07-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, October 06, 2004 - 07:34 pm: |
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Yeah, isn't it great, Moon?
And CRYSTAL, the last one is my fave too. I love that. Priceless.
But as I'm newly single--I suddenly feel so unattractive, so unsure of myself and so afraid to even think about dating again.
This helps me remember that just 5 months ago, I was a totally "together" diva just the one Rooney describes.
I better get it together.
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Crystal
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Crystal
Post Number: 134
Registered: 01-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, October 06, 2004 - 07:42 pm: |
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Well Kola, if there's ONE person I ain't worried about getting herself together it's YOU! hahahaha! Although I hear you on this dating stuff. Doesn't seem to be as easy as it used to be.
But there's an old proverb that just fits this situation: lose one, find one.
Hang in there Ms. Thang! |
A_womon
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: A_womon
Post Number: 896
Registered: 05-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, October 06, 2004 - 07:53 pm: |
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Yeah yall over 30 ladies!!!! ain't nothin wrong with blowing ya horns...um I mean tootin ya flutes..oh well, yall know what I mean!!!
Justwrite, you my girl, so I aint including you in the "over" group!! Hhahahahahahaa! |
Moonsigns
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Moonsigns
Post Number: 297
Registered: 07-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, October 06, 2004 - 08:09 pm: |
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Kola,
I find it interesting how you are now questioning your beauty and self-assurance because you are, as of recent, single. What you are going through is a reminder of how as women, our collective well-being in general, is so very delicate! Most of us have been there at one point or another --and understand.
I know it is hard, but above all else, be true to yourself.
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Kola_boof
Veteran Poster
Username: Kola_boof
Post Number: 69
Registered: 07-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, October 06, 2004 - 08:26 pm: |
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You're right MOON.
Thanks for being so kind and not using that moment to get a few socks in.
It's so hard for me right now, my emotions are like a rollercoaster....and what makes it so unbearable is that Thomas calls the boys EVERY SINGLE NIGHT and then he comes here on the weekend.
I'm still in love with him and I have to be stranded on this ranch in the middle of nowhere....while he gets to be free in the city...and then I HAVE TO SEE HIM ON SAT. and SUN.!!!
It makes it torture for me to adjust--especially since he tries to "HIT IT" on those weekends...and a
few times
I've been weak, because I love him. To me, he's my husband. But afterwards, he goes right back to the city....and I feel the break up just as FRESH as before. And I become ENRAGED, because I..refuse...I REFUSE!!!! to have my own husband use me for sex and give his time and attention to another woman!!!!!
To him, I'm the mother of his kids who he CONTROLS, because he has me tucked away in the house that he owns.
He claims he's not screwing another woman yet--but I can sense that there are MANY.
And it rips me apart inside.
The truth is that I don't want anybody else. I don't want to date or meet new men.
I am very CRUSHED right now...and on top of it the BLACK ISSUES BOOK REVIEW is writing a feature article about me without my permission or my participation...which is obviously going to be a piece making fun of me or attacking me.
And I'm on a deadline writing a short story for The Paris Review. A deadline that I'm going to miss. I was supposed to turn a story in to them 6 months ago! But the editor there really adores me, so he lets me be late.
And that's just it. The story I'm writing is SO DEPRESSING. It's a fabulous story--but it's TOO DEEP for me right now. It drowns me and the waters of the story become so thick that I can't swim.
I feel very WEAK and ALONE and I feel OLD and unattractive.
I'm UGLY now!!!!
And I am very sad and there is no one on this ranch for me to talk to.
I just try to make sure that the boys don't see my cry or acting weak.
I feel so WEAK...without Thomas....and I'm not ashamed to admitt it.
Without him, I have too much room and too much time.
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Abm
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Abm
Post Number: 1564
Registered: 04-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, October 07, 2004 - 02:17 pm: |
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Ladies,
Question: If any individual man was so uniquely special and wonderful, why would our GOD see fit to make 3 billion more of us.
Look. As great as the guy may have been or appeared to be, as long as you remain both true to yourself yet open to life’s possibilities, happiness can soon again be yours. 
Kola,
I would hope that you don’t mind my saying so. But even your pain portrays an eloquence, a beauty, that defies my woeful capacity to describe.
Honestly. Often when I read what you write I feel embarrassed to be blessed to commune with you. |
Kola_boof
Veteran Poster
Username: Kola_boof
Post Number: 73
Registered: 07-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, October 07, 2004 - 03:58 pm: |
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ABM...you know that I COUNT on you.
And that you're MORE than man enough.
Kola |
Moonsigns
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Moonsigns
Post Number: 300
Registered: 07-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, October 07, 2004 - 04:02 pm: |
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Abm,
In general, I don't find men so unique and special. Though I may speak with prejudice (and I admit that), I kinda feel like when you've met one (a man) you met them all. For me, it's disappointing, but true. I don't know many men who are all around, exceptional. Some are great business men, others are great fathers, a few are decent spouses, but all and all, nothing spectacular.
I do believe in giving people the benefit of the doubt, however, inevitably, the men who appear to be upstanding, always fyck up somehow....someway....usually for some stupid, sexual thing. It is a let down. I'm young enough to be an optimist, but old enough to be realistic. If I was in a position to marry again, I doubt I would. There are always exceptions to this rule, however, for the most part, I feel firm in my view. Plus, nowadays, too many men are too shady. Sex can cost a woman her life --YIKES!
I don't trust too many men and I care about myself more than worrying about where some fyckin' man is going to be when I could be doing my own thing.
|
Kola_boof
AALBC .com Platinum Poster
Username: Kola_boof
Post Number: 76
Registered: 07-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, October 07, 2004 - 04:14 pm: |
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I agree with you MOON.
And that's why I'm taking the separation of myself and Thomas so hard, because HE realy is....a FANTASTIC man. Any woman would be lucky to have him.
The only problem with him is that, like me, he comes from a foreign BLACK SEXIST culture. He believes that he MUST dominate his home.
For 8 years, I've "tricked him" into feeling totally dominant and totally in CONTROL of "Naima and the boys". I have PLAYED the submissive woman so fabulously---because I wanted him so bad---that now, as my career is taking off, it's backfiring on me.
Thomas always knew that I had a fighter's spirit--and he allowed it.
But now, suddenly....because of my career and the unexpected demands of it...there is no way for me to completely BOW to his every wish.
He is the most wonderful man I've ever known, but he is very SEXIST. He believes that I should give up my career and move to Belize with him, and because I won't, he sees me as a BAD woman now.
It's very devastating. Because he has brought me so much happiness in these 8 years--he is a WONDERFUL FATHER...a good listener, a very patient and tender masculine man, the BEST lover I've ever had. He TALKS and EXPRESSES himself and he always...ALWAYS tells me how he feels about me and what I have meant to him.
So this "career" problem is very devastating...because I've ALWAYS dreamt of having a successful career.
But I NEVER dreamt of having a man. That was just something that happened to me.....mainly because I was a WHORE and didn't want love.
So it came.
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Abm
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Abm
Post Number: 1571
Registered: 04-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, October 07, 2004 - 04:19 pm: |
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Kola,
Thanks, Sugah Lips. I don't know if I can 'prove' I am "man enough". But I sure wouldn't mind you and my wife letting me try.
Moonsigns,
You often sound pretty 'Oprah' for woman who's got a her own honeylovin' man.
I think many if not most men feel similar about women that you do about men.
Some chicks are good as mothers. Some social, school and/or business associates. Some friends. Some weekend freak partners. But by-the-by, most are on-balance pretty interchangeable. That's kinda why they so frequently...change'em.
A woman is a woman. And a p@$$% is a p@$$%. And to a man, the twain do not always meet. |
Kola_boof
AALBC .com Platinum Poster
Username: Kola_boof
Post Number: 77
Registered: 07-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, October 07, 2004 - 04:40 pm: |
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"I might like your wife, ABM." (wink)
JUST KIDDING.
Before people start claiming that I'm a "lesbian" again or "bisexual"....which I AM NOT.
But you know how much I love you, daddy.
And SEX is not even on my mind...when I think of how greatly I care for your friendship and your OFF THE BOARD personality.
Really....ABM....you should one day show everyone just how charming, debonair and sensitive you are when you're not on this board being ABM. You're such a real "Brotha" and so incredibly talented and intelligent. And usually are honest and have good advice.
You know....I used to bring women, move them into the house for Thomas to have sex with during my pregnancies. And although he would drag his feet and take forever to finally....GO ON DOWN THE HALL....he always treated so much better after those little college girl pokings.
It never bothered me, either, in the least.
BUT NOW...with him living in his business apartment and me here on the ranch (being pursued by the 17 year old boy down the road!!!!)....I feel the most intense jealousy at the thought of him being with another woman.
It really eats me up at night...and yet I know that eventually, it will have to become a new reality...that he is DATING or going with other women. That are not....ME.
I don't know how I'll be able to handle that.
|
Abm
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Abm
Post Number: 1575
Registered: 04-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, October 07, 2004 - 04:56 pm: |
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Kola,
I would never presume to judge a man I have never known or even spoken with. But how wonderful could Thomas have been for you if your staying together was so encumbent upon your feigning being something you were not?
Do you REALLY think Thomas bought your act? Or was he simply buying time until either you settled down...or he found a ‘better’ deal elsewhere?
And how might your impressionable sons view the merits of this ruse that you and Thomas have engaged in? |
Abm
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Abm
Post Number: 1576
Registered: 04-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, October 07, 2004 - 05:13 pm: |
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Kola,
Hehe!
Don’t get me started on that "I wish I could hook my wife up with a another chick" fantasy. I’ve already gotten into enough trouble with the missus over trynah market THAT one (Silly me. I figured if it was with one of her best friends, it would be totally 'kool-n-the-gang'.).
But if she changes her mind, I may give you a hollah!
Seriously. A man may leave a woman who refuses having sex with him. But he won’t necessarily stay with her no matter what kinky desires she help him to satisfy.
Cause men truly are, on some level...DAWGS! Some us are just better equipped to control (or disguise) our K-9 behavior.
So you can’t really focus on what we will or won’t do. That $#*+ is WAAAAAYYYY out of ANY woman’s hands.
Perhaps you and Thomas both have simply ‘evolved’ beyond each others ability to retain. And maybe you should consider how and with whom you might begin to find your own personal (and sexual) satisfaction. |
Abm
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Abm
Post Number: 1577
Registered: 04-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, October 07, 2004 - 05:16 pm: |
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But for PETE'S SAKE don't let Thomas catch you serving your special brand of Eastern African 'stew' to some guy who ain't yet old enough to vote in the upcoming presidential election.
He'll NEVER forgive you for THAT. |
Kola_boof
AALBC .com Platinum Poster
Username: Kola_boof
Post Number: 78
Registered: 07-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, October 07, 2004 - 05:38 pm: |
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My sons KNOW that both their parents are wonderful and that we genuinely LOVE each other. That's why we created them, because we wanted that love to be in the world forever.
And yes Thomas is a wonderful man, ABM, regardless of my tricks.
When I met him, he was crazy about me--but he was also a foreign black man from Belize, and I knew exactly the kind of woman that he required for SERIOUS entanglement. I loved him and I wanted him. I determined to get him.
I thought..."I can write while he's at work and be a housewife the rest of the time." NORA ROBERTS does it!!
A part of me...really is VULNERABLE and from growing up a daddy's girl and being a woman who loves cooking and was already trained sexually how to be whatever men want me to be---being the SUBSERVIENT submissive partner came easily, because it's really me. He definitely appreciated that it was me. It wasn't an ACT...I simply downplayed the OTHER parts of who I am. I have many women inside me.
Thomas will NEVER find a "better" deal elsewhere...because there isn't another woman with my level of charisma, cleverness and sexual psychotic-ness. Not one that would want him and be DEVOTED to him like I am.
That's why he's so miserable, offering to PAY ME to cook meals for him...which I haven't accepted the money yet, but I will....and staying here on weekends (supposedly for his SONS and because he owns the place--yeah, right!) and calling this number every damned day.
Young, pretty things may bob and flow in the breeze in abundance....but those little wet bitches can never rock his world the way Naima does.
I have so much imagination and skill---that a normal Joe Blow like Thomas would actually think I know magic or that I had "poisoned" his food and made him "Whipped".
Not true.
I'm just a scientific woman who has a calculating mind, an artistic disposition, a GREAT BODY when naked, some out of this world CONCH, a deep throat softer than a jellyfish and a whole lot of INTUITION about what makes men feel good. Both mentally and physically.
Thomas is in BIG TROUBLE right now and he knows it. Because for the first time in his life...he's being forced to face his "cultural" insecurities and to possibly lose the woman he loves (ME) all because he's not man enough to overcome and arrest those insecurities and anxieties about WHAT HE'S SUPPOSED TO BE in order to be considered a MAN by his sexist uncles and brethren from BELIZE.
I can't help him, because he won't listen to a WOMAN.
For 8 years, I was able to cater to him night and day...but now, what has always been there (the fact that I have work to do for the world)....is staring us in the face.
AND THOMAS IS A WONDERFUL MAN FOR ME...ABM. I could easily get another man, but the problem is....I'm older and I don't want to start over. I already found my perfect person that I can LIVE WITH happily. And before I met Thomas...I hated men, I used those mf/s for SEX and for MONEY and to get myself leverage and position. Men are just papercups to me...until you show me THOMAS.
He should just accept that his loving slave wife has a career--and doesn't love him any less or isn't devoted any less because of it.
But NO...he's frightened that I will start to make money (which I don't make any money at all yet)...and that I won't NEED him and won't OBEY HIM once I have my own money. Nothing could be further from the truth. Even if I had a million dollars---I would still want to be his slave wife, just because it's SO MUCH FUN. I love taking care of him and the boys!!
He thinks by moving to his apartment--he'll force me to give in.
I'm waiting for him to get a girlfriend....so that I can cut off the weekend Hooni Hoosi Hole "dippings" and the comfort food.
Then we'll find out just how STRONG and SERIOUS....my darling Master is.
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Kola_boof
AALBC .com Platinum Poster
Username: Kola_boof
Post Number: 79
Registered: 07-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, October 07, 2004 - 05:45 pm: |
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ABM...I would NEVER be with a 17 yr. old boy!!
What do you think I am, R. Kelly's sister?
I'm just pointing out how ludicrous life is. The fact that only two men after me are a 17 yr. old boy (and that's only because he's already banged two other "lonely white housewives" on this road--he figures he may as well add my notch to his belt).....AND....the "white" author/screenwriter I told you about, who, despite his STRONG CATHOLIC constitution--is dying to date a wild pagan black novelist.
I don't want to date anyone. You know me. I'm a big flirt. But I'm not serious when I flirt.
OH...and LAMBD, of course, who just wants a one night hit and run (and he's so delectable that I'm staying out of that city mainly because...I might not be able to resist myself). But then I'd get hurt again, because LAMBD is a player and I don't want my name on anybody's bednotch buckle right now.
I want my DADDY back.
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Kola_boof
AALBC .com Platinum Poster
Username: Kola_boof
Post Number: 81
Registered: 07-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, October 07, 2004 - 06:11 pm: |
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**I've written 3 POSTS above since you were last here, ABM.
One last VERY important point ABM:
I didn't ever give Thomas "freaky sex" because I was trying to fulfill his fantasies.
I simply carried out a natural cultural custom of my people...being that I am virginally circumsized/infibulated and am not able to have sex for up to a YEAR during and after child birth.
It's part of my culture and I see nothing wrong with it. He, however, as a christian--did put up a few roadblocks, but he came to see things me way after I told him that I would cut his d**k off if I found out about him touching another woman....that I had 1) not chosen for him and 2) not had TESTED.
It's better, I FEEL, to just find the perfect co-wife (looks and personality, who comes from a culture similar to mines (either African or Asian), who fully respects my position and understands her role....and INSTALL HER in the house for the necessary period.
It worked beautifully ALL 3 TIMES that I needed it and it took enormous pressure and guilt off of me.
It had nothing to do with his "sexual fantasties"....and more to do with me not being ABLE or wanting to be bothered with HIM, a man who is very demanding sexually.
If other women were infibulated, they would understand this.
OOPS...but then so many American women, would expect men to be able to go a FULL YEAR without sex. They think "LOVE" has something to do with it.
If he loves me, he'll wait a YEAR to get relieved.
I don't think that way about human nature. AT ALL.
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Moonsigns
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Moonsigns
Post Number: 301
Registered: 07-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, October 08, 2004 - 12:27 am: |
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Abm,
"honeylovin'" is sweet, but he still has a dyck and balls.......and has been socialized to believe that because so, he is so very deserving....just like 90% of the world's, male population. Just my view.
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Moonsigns
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Moonsigns
Post Number: 302
Registered: 07-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, October 08, 2004 - 12:35 am: |
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Kola,
I firmly believe that men are socialized to think that they can't abstain --as if it's some curse to not have sex.....and we as women, are socialized to believe we have to kiss their freakin' a$$es at all costs, even when we are faced with the challenges and discomforts of pregnancy --one of the most delicate times in our lives. I don't buy it. Now, if it is "human nature" to be so untamed (sexually), men should go out and live in the yard with the rest of the dogs.
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Abm
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Abm
Post Number: 1584
Registered: 04-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, October 08, 2004 - 01:02 am: |
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Moonsigns,
With all due respect, you and the rest of women have no F@#$ing idea what effect have "a dyck and balls" have on man. Because if you did, you wouldn't be saying half the cockamamie stuff you claim about what we are "socialized to believe".
Men want from women what we want just as you women want from us what you want. The only different is we have different areas of focus/emphasis.
And it always interesting to me how women deride the male obsession with sex when ALL these lofty notions we have about life, faith, liberty, family and responsibility began with some dude being especially pre-occupied with wanting to knock boots with your mama. |
Moonsigns
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Moonsigns
Post Number: 303
Registered: 07-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, October 08, 2004 - 01:10 am: |
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Abm,
Yeah, nothing wrong with the "different areas of focus/emphasis", however, women are still exploited for this. Men can never handle that women have their motives/desires. Men generally, still think it is all about them and what their dyck wants.
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Moonsigns
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Moonsigns
Post Number: 304
Registered: 07-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, October 08, 2004 - 01:13 am: |
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and....with all due respect, you and the rest of men have no idea what it is like to carry, deliver and nurse a child. Because if you did, you wouldn't be saying half the COCKamamie stuff you claim about what you think we should know about your "dyck and balls"
cheers |
A_womon
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: A_womon
Post Number: 903
Registered: 05-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, October 08, 2004 - 01:18 am: |
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family and responsibility began with some dude being especially pre-occupied with wanting to knock boots with your mama.
Hahahahahaha!
Seems like someone's LUNACY has spilled over into her , energetically happy, and balanced household! Or maybe "honeylovin" decided that the steady diet of snowcones was making him sick, and decided to return to a more healthy and nutritious diet which includes dark meat and all the gravy that comes with it, while the MOON gets run over by the next guy on the bus!!! ( she did say men are on buses and a new one passes her by every minute, didn't she?)(hahahahahahhaha! |
A_womon
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: A_womon
Post Number: 904
Registered: 05-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, October 08, 2004 - 01:20 am: |
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my oh my! aint this the same chick that had it all together with her mate, man, husband, baby daddy, whatever the hell he is/was??
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Kola_boof
AALBC .com Platinum Poster
Username: Kola_boof
Post Number: 86
Registered: 07-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, October 08, 2004 - 01:31 am: |
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MOON....
I would certainly hope that Thomas would never have say...a car accident....and suddenly need ME to go a full year without any sex.
I couldn't do it.
Just being honest with you.
We are both sexual people. We love it, although--my being infibulated makes it a sadomasochist event, because I live with the PAIN of intercourse, which is how I experience and EXPECT it to feel...painful. It's the only way I've EVER known it, and...strangely...the feeling of it has become addictive.
I have to have it...because human nature is SELFISH and dictates that we...want what we want. EVEN WHEN WE LOVE SOMEONE.
I don't see MAKING LOVE and HAVING SEX as the same act, although...T and I engage in both.
But you're totally right---he and I have been "socialized" that way. We come from VERY sexist BLACK cultures.
Still, the fact remains....I don't see him as a dog, just because "I" don't want him to prove his "love" (what a joke!) by going an entire year without having sex while I have a child.
WHY??
FOR WHAT???
I HATE being pregnant...but I want a daughter. Therefore, I have to endure a very miserable experience that you cannot imagine. Trust me. And even though I can use my mouth to pleasure him, I don't like being touched AT ALL during pregnancy.
I couldn't bare for Thomas to go an entire year without sex....knowing how much he enjoys it and needs it.
Yes, needs it....as recreation, to let off steam and frustration.
During those times...I enlisted a co-wife who understands OUR CULTURE...and who is was either Eritrean or Senegalese (Thomas likes those kind of women). I found them at CLAREMONT COLLEGE. In exchange for room and board...they are my HELPER around the house, my friend to play cards with, they help me prepare meals, they help me with the boys once I'm too fat to play with them....and they stay in the Guest Room down the hall...in the event that my man needs to have sexual gratification from them.
It is EXTREMELY BIZZARE and unthinkable for you...an American. But it gave me such COMFORT and SECURITY knowing that I liked the girl, picked her myself and that any fooling around Thomas was doing.....was just down the hall.
For if I EVER was to find out that he did something with a girl that I didn't pick, out in the streets....then I would have LEFT him. He knew that.
After he visited the girl, he always showered...and returned to our bed to sleep.
This made my pregnancy so much easier. I was able to have peace of mind and to not feel guilty about his "needs".
And trust me....each time I enlisted a co-wife...it took Thomas MONTHS to finally go hit her.
He really was embarrassed about it and felt enormous guilt in the beginning.
But I know how to turn him on...and then I would order him down the hall.
This is a normal custom of the Nile River wives. This is from my culture...and I think it is very "sensible".
PLEASE UNDERSTAND.
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Moonsigns
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Moonsigns
Post Number: 305
Registered: 07-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, October 08, 2004 - 01:32 am: |
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"In youth we learn; in age we understand." -Marie Ebner-Eschenbach
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A_womon
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: A_womon
Post Number: 905
Registered: 05-2004
Rating: 
Votes: 2 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, October 08, 2004 - 01:36 am: |
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"In youth we learn how to spot the aged female who feigns undertanding "- A_Woman |
Moonsigns
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Moonsigns
Post Number: 306
Registered: 07-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, October 08, 2004 - 01:42 am: |
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Kola,
Men don't have to come from a "Black" culture to be sexist.
I appreciate your honesty. To me, there are a lot of things that people do because of "human nature",however, sexual appetite can be controlled --we do have choice.
I say we live by different standards --not that one is wrong or one is right, just different. It's not that I don't like sex either, I just feel strongly that all cultures cater to men in general --and much at the expense of a women's integrity. I think that is wrong! We, as women, have to create standards for men. Committment goes beyond sexual appetite and showing love does at times, require discipline. Unforunately, the global mindset of "sex sells" is killing people everywhere.
But to each their own.
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Abm
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Abm
Post Number: 1585
Registered: 04-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, October 08, 2004 - 01:44 am: |
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Kola,
I should not question the integrity of your intimate relations. After all, we all sublimate parts of what we are to keep things together. But it seems there are elements within you that were pre-destined to conflict with what Thomas required.
In a real way, they are 3, not 2, people in you relationship with Thomas. There's him, the submissive, nurturing Kola and then there's the fire breathing, "hell hath no fury like a [Kola] scorned".
Martha Stewart also bragged of being an average "housewife"...even after her husband had already left her for another woman.
So don't overplay your hand.
Charisma/cleverness amongst women is more prevalent than you would appear to recognize. And, concerning sex, I have lived long enough to realize that the right guy can talk a woman into doing just about ANYTHING. That's why we have pimps and hookers.
So you might discover the competition for the affections for your beloved Thomas may prove more daunting than you think.
'Cuz no matter how great the "jellyfish" (or milkshake or WHATEVER the heck it is they call it deeze days) may be, ultimately, to a man, beauty is what booty does. And a few dozen "little wet b*tch+s" may rate pretty well versus even an interplanetary c*nch that's stalled in an indeterminable state of suspended 'nanimation'.
And Baby, let's keep it all real for a sec. You'd be the FIRST sistah in creation who DOESN'T stop smellin' her pee-yow the moment dah man started layin' some ducketts on her Gucci-dreamin' hands. So check back with me on that "I want to be his 'slave wife'" tip after you start sharing investment tips with your homie Halle Berry.
Kola says: "Hooni Hoosi Hole "dippings"
ABM says: Hell! I can't help being both disgusted yet turned-on by THAT one! Hehe!
PS: Baby girl. Nora Roberts doesn't have a FATWA dangling over her head! |
Abm
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Abm
Post Number: 1586
Registered: 04-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, October 08, 2004 - 01:46 am: |
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Moonsigns,
Most men handle women just fine. 'Cuz, in the end, we mostly do what we want to do. And it is left to you all to deal with. |
Kola_boof
AALBC .com Platinum Poster
Username: Kola_boof
Post Number: 87
Registered: 07-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, October 08, 2004 - 01:48 am: |
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Also MOON:
Realize that
1) A co-wife fully understands that she is not to have any conversations or contact with the husband....other than when he comes to her room at night. She can not have meals with the family if the husband is present and the husband...after having sex with her...cannot SLEEP in the same room, he must go back to his wife's bed.
This is how the culture teaches US.
In 1995 when I was living in Egypt, I myself was a co-wife to an Egyptian woman and her husband for a short time at the end of her pregnancy.
You're expected to have a friendship with the WIFE....and to completely ignore the husband until "that time at night".
It sounds nasty, but it's just how we do things.
There are SOME couples who keep a co-wife on the premises.....AT ALL TIMES.
Only because of my terrible problems with infibulation have I needed one during my pregnancies.
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Abm
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Abm
Post Number: 1587
Registered: 04-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, October 08, 2004 - 01:49 am: |
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Moonsigns,
I have nothing but respect for what women go thru. Still, that have NOTHING to do with what I choose to do with my "dyck and balls". Because, frankly, if if weren't for THEM, there wouldn't be much of your carrying, delivering and nursing a child...now would it? |
Abm
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Abm
Post Number: 1588
Registered: 04-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, October 08, 2004 - 01:56 am: |
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Moonsigns,
The only difference between you and Kola is she knows/accepts and loosely controls what's going on. You, however, in all likelihood would rather lie and pretend to yourself. |
Kola_boof
AALBC .com Platinum Poster
Username: Kola_boof
Post Number: 88
Registered: 07-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, October 08, 2004 - 02:08 am: |
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I agree with you MOON....that the entire world is set up to CATER to men's desires and that women are TAUGHT/MADE by those societies to adhere to the whims of men.
It's for that very reason...that in my 20's I hated men and was a WHORE, deliberately. I REFUSED to give any man a chance at "real love" with me.
I had a motto: find him, feel him, fuck him and FORGET him.
That way...I was the one in control, the one FREE and the one with no heartbreak. It worked beautifully.
But then...this little chemical thing inside made me want BABIES....and I met Thomas. The Black Man of my dreams!!
Huhn. Life is so unfair to a woman. She's trapped by her body in every way.
But anyway.
Now that Thomas has left me...I may go back to that "autonomy" that I had in my 20's. I don't think I can ever love another man again. I only love Thomas. Although, I don't want my sons to see me with men.
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Kola_boof
AALBC .com Platinum Poster
Username: Kola_boof
Post Number: 89
Registered: 07-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, October 08, 2004 - 02:15 am: |
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That's true ABM.
I have ALWAYS gotten along great with men, romantically, because I basically accept them for WHO and WHAT they are.
I try not to have illusions.
But I did choose Thomas as my man, because he truly LOVED me so deeply and had proven to me that he wanted a family and would be faithful.
In 8 years, I cannot say that he has been everything that I want....other than his attitude about my career, my work and my ambition. That is our ONLY problem as far as I'm concerned.
He has never disrespected me, thrown women in my path, never not been there for me.
EVERY NIGHT...he has held me in his arms and told me that I am the only woman in the world.
I find it so hard now...to sleep alone. I honestly don't get much sleep.
But at the same time...I have waited my whole life to have my career.
I MUST have it.
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Moonsigns
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Moonsigns
Post Number: 307
Registered: 07-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, October 08, 2004 - 02:20 am: |
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Kola,
The whole concept is definitely different to me. I do think it is a byproduct of sexism....to cater to a man in such a fashion. Out of respect, that is all I will write.
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Moonsigns
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Moonsigns
Post Number: 308
Registered: 07-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, October 08, 2004 - 02:30 am: |
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ABM wrote:
"Most men handle women just fine. 'Cuz, in the end, we mostly do what we want to do. And it is left to you all to deal with."
Abm,
Your comment couldn't have made my point in this discussion any more clear. Unfortunately, your female children, as well as mine, will discover this hard truth, as do all women when they grow-up, both literally and figuratively....some sad shyt though.
Kola and I believe the same regarding how men are catered to. However, we differ in the extent we will go to keep the men we love. If my husband and I split, that's it....nada. Kola does what she must. I don't say she is right or wrong. We are just different.
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Abm
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Abm
Post Number: 1589
Registered: 04-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, October 08, 2004 - 02:41 am: |
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Ladies,
There's no "sad shyt" at all. That's just the way it is. A woman can choose not to have any of it, though she'll in all likelihood spend much of her life alone. And that maybe what's is best for her.
You women enjoy belaboring how terrible thing are for you. Yet when you look at some basic facts about life, you might be made to accept that much of society is set up in your favor.
You live longer, healthier lives. The courts and society as a whole favor you above the male for child rearing. A man can hardly raise his voice at any of you these days without being dragged into some kangaroo domestic violence court. You loose your hair less frequently. You can be a housewife, a breadwinner or both. You can have sex pretty much anytime you want to. You have a baby with the right guy and you've hit paydirt. And for Black women are more likely to graduate college, earn a high paying job and avoid prison then Black men.
So when one peer beyond all the Oprah Winfrey whining you all enjoy doing, one sees that chicks have a much better deal than they enjoy letting on. |
Abm
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Abm
Post Number: 1590
Registered: 04-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, October 08, 2004 - 02:43 am: |
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And Moonsigns. I am working my @$$ off so I can leave a healthy financial kitty for my daughters. Were they males, I wouldn't even have that concern. |
Kola_boof
AALBC .com Platinum Poster
Username: Kola_boof
Post Number: 90
Registered: 07-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, October 08, 2004 - 02:46 am: |
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That's true, MOON.
And while ABM makes fun of my "submissive" role...what he fails to realize is that the African "Feminist" is quite complicated and different from the Western "Feminist".
While I may appear fire breathing and lethal...the fact is, I am still the daughter of an African mother who herself was PURCHASED for marriage at 14 and was beyond submissive and raised me until I was 6 or 8. These years formed me.
No matter how "feminist" and "intelligent" I am.....I only know ONE WAY to be with a man.
I have noticed that all my fellow feminists from Somalia, Ethiopia, Senegal, Kenya, Uganda...we're all like this in our relationships. Deeply devoted and catering to our males. We get joy out of this, just as we get joy out of the painful sex that they inflict on us, because of the sexist evil of "libation".
My BLACK AMERICAN ADOPTIVE MOTHER was very strong and loud and raised me to be the KOLA BOOF (public) part of myself that is separate from NAIMA (home)...but still, she was married to an even stronger black American man and they lived TOGETHER and raised 8 kids and "HE" was the one in charge, despite mother's firm backbone.
Therefore, ABM would be surprised to find that I am indeed.....submissive in my relationships, because once I surrender "emotionally"--that is my true temperment with men, although....I definitely speak my mind and refuse to be disrespected.
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Abm
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Abm
Post Number: 1591
Registered: 04-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, October 08, 2004 - 02:47 am: |
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Moonsigns,
You decry Kola's "catering" to Thomas' needs. Yet you conveniently avoiding noting that Thomas pays all of her and her children's living expenses.
That is so typical.
You women expect a man to cold bust his @$$ for you. But the mere notion of any reciprocation is considered a damnable offense to your womanhood.
That's the same BS mentality that result in some of you being on the bad of end an affair. |
Kola_boof
AALBC .com Platinum Poster
Username: Kola_boof
Post Number: 91
Registered: 07-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, October 08, 2004 - 02:48 am: |
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ABM--you're such a sexist ass.
If you were my husband I'd hide your bedroom slippers AND your toothpaste.
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Abm
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Abm
Post Number: 1592
Registered: 04-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, October 08, 2004 - 02:53 am: |
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Kola,
I don't AT ALL make light of your submissiveness. Quite the contrary! I think however a man/woman choose to love each other is for them...ONLY THEM...to decide.
If he's gottah lick your butt crack every Wednesday afternoon to make you happy, I am a-okey dokey with him doing that. Hey. You made commitment to each other. Whatever works for you works for me.
What I resent is when people perpetuate these canned notions of what people should/shouldn't do when the the truth is what constitutes love/respect for you doesn't necessarily for me. That doesn't not mean what you choose to do is any less honorable than what I do. |
Abm
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Abm
Post Number: 1593
Registered: 04-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, October 08, 2004 - 02:55 am: |
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Kola,
If I were your husband, I would be standing, you would be on your knees...and we both would be smiling. |
Kola_boof
AALBC .com Platinum Poster
Username: Kola_boof
Post Number: 92
Registered: 07-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, October 08, 2004 - 02:55 am: |
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That's true, ABM.
I've never ONCE had to ask Thomas for money. He has always automatically provided for me and the boys.
I make practically NOTHING and yet I live as though I'm already a major success, because of him.
And that's a good trait in Africana men, because they are VERY noble in that way. They must be able to "afford" what they love.
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Abm
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Abm
Post Number: 1594
Registered: 04-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, October 08, 2004 - 02:56 am: |
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...and afterwards, you'd happy wag that sweet tail of your's and go get daddy's slippers and toothbrush. |
Kola_boof
AALBC .com Platinum Poster
Username: Kola_boof
Post Number: 93
Registered: 07-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, October 08, 2004 - 02:57 am: |
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Kola,
If I were your husband, I would be standing, you would be on your knees...and we both would be smiling.
*******
OMG!!!
LOL!!!
That's VERY funny.
No...you would not be smiling...your eyes would be going back in your head and your fingers would be dug in my hair slamming my face like a basketball!!
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Kola_boof
AALBC .com Platinum Poster
Username: Kola_boof
Post Number: 94
Registered: 07-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, October 08, 2004 - 03:00 am: |
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Are you calling me a Bitch, ABM?
You want me to bite you with these canine razors of mines and rip your BONE off and go hide it out on these ACRES of sprawling ranch....where you WON'T find it before a rattlesnake does?
That what you want, Mr. MAN?
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Abm
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Abm
Post Number: 1595
Registered: 04-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, October 08, 2004 - 03:04 am: |
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Kola,
See. Part of the problem is women here want to have their cake and eat it to. They bought into a lot of the feministic hype and are now being bitten in the @$$ by it.
Cause about 2 generations ago, American guys said "Cool. If you've gottah be the boss. Be it! Just don't expect me to come bail your bad@$$ out when the going get's bumpy."
Now, a lot of sistahs want to run back crying to men who now are wholly unprepared to appreciate/empathize with'em in part because they find it more convenient to have sex with hoochie women...and other men. |
Abm
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Abm
Post Number: 1596
Registered: 04-2004
Rating:
Votes: 1 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, October 08, 2004 - 03:06 am: |
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Kola,
Girl. You are so wild that sometimes I swear I can about smell you.
HAHA! |
Abm
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Abm
Post Number: 1597
Registered: 04-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, October 08, 2004 - 03:10 am: |
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"Ol' Kola Hubbard, went to a cubard to get her ABM a bone. But when she bent over, the rover took over, and now she's got a bone of her own." |
Kola_boof
AALBC .com Platinum Poster
Username: Kola_boof
Post Number: 95
Registered: 07-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, October 08, 2004 - 03:12 am: |
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That's really quite funny.
A bone of my own.
DONT TEASE A WOMAN who has been abandoned and is trying to play hard to get with her own hubby.
And you and I are .....are a terrible DUO for this kind of banter, because we've always enjoyed "teasing each other".....a little too much.
But thank God we're on aalbc.com and not talking OFFLINE.
At least that will keep us somewhat decent, tonight.
Right, RuPauL?
LMAO!!!!!!
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Kola_boof
AALBC .com Platinum Poster
Username: Kola_boof
Post Number: 96
Registered: 07-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, October 08, 2004 - 03:13 am: |
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I always smell VERY GOOD and sweet.
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Kola_boof
AALBC .com Platinum Poster
Username: Kola_boof
Post Number: 97
Registered: 07-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, October 08, 2004 - 03:14 am: |
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ABM, it's 3 a.m. in your part of the country. You should be going to bed.
I'd better go to bed too (it's 12 mid. here) so that I can be fresh for the boys in the morning. They still haven't quite forgiven me for going on that tour.
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Kola_boof
AALBC .com Platinum Poster
Username: Kola_boof
Post Number: 98
Registered: 07-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, October 08, 2004 - 03:16 am: |
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If you were not married, ABM...I would be competing for your affections in a serious way.
You know that.
So at least you have that....you sexist beast....to crown yourself with.
I love who you are. Although, you really are SEXIST!!!! pig
lol
Goodnite, daddy.
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Abm
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Abm
Post Number: 1598
Registered: 04-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, October 08, 2004 - 03:18 am: |
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Gurl, go on out there and wrap your legs around one of your illegal alien gardeners or something. It taint right to keep that thang all bottled up like like. Cuz it might explode one day and put somebody's eye out.
RuPaul huh?
Tell thet truth. You just want to imagine me dressing up like a woman so you don't haftah feel guilty about harboring those L-word feelings you've got. |
Abm
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Abm
Post Number: 1599
Registered: 04-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, October 08, 2004 - 03:20 am: |
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Kola,
For some reason, I can't sleep. But don't let me keep you up.
Nite Nite, Starlight! |
Moonsigns
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Moonsigns
Post Number: 309
Registered: 07-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, October 08, 2004 - 07:43 am: |
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Abm,
Good morning (and Kola)!
Remember way back when, when I said it is a balance between the male and female energies --I firmly believe that. Currently, I am in a relationship I can trust. However, in the unlikely/unfortunate event that I was to be single, I would have the most difficult time trusting. Men are plentiful, but I'm picky and rightfully so. You completely proved my point as to why.
Regarding Kola's "catering", I think we are speaking about two, very different things. I have zero issue with a woman fulfilling most, if not all, domestic duties IF the husband is the only working outside the home. I have been a full-time homemaker until recent and completely took care of my family. The "catering" I'm speaking of is having another woman have sex with him when she is pregnant (I left that alone because it's cultural, nevertheless, different...sexist to me), cooking for him when he visits on the weekend (though he no longer lives there 24/7), and continuing to have a sexual relationship with him despite the fact they are "broken up" --and it leaves the breakup "fresh" for her, hence, hurting her all over again. That is what I'm talking about when I speak of "catering". This is how we as women, are different. I wouldn't do those things. Again, not saying one is right or one is wrong, just different. I can fulfill my duties as a wife because I have someone I can trust, but I would be very "Oprahish" if I was on the other end...just getting out on the dating scene.
You're right though, many women do find themselves on a bad end of an affair because they refuse to compromise.
Glad you are leaving a "trust fund" for the girls --you're a good and smart daddy!
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Kola_boof
AALBC .com Platinum Poster
Username: Kola_boof
Post Number: 99
Registered: 07-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, October 08, 2004 - 11:11 am: |
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MOOON...intellectually, I totally agree with you. My relationship with Thomas...IS sexist. But I blame me more for that than him, because I wanted him so bad that I was the one who set all the perimeters...thereby creating a TEMPLATE for him to either choose or reject. He chose it, because it was everything he wanted. AND...it worked for both of us, because we are extremely compatible and like living together and I enjoyed taking care of him. I also...was SHOCKED to discover that "I"...could be loved and could be IN LOVE. This was a shock that literally rocked my Bad-Girl World and made me begin to...worship him. He became the center of the universe to me, because it was the first time in my life that I felt genuinely valued and important.
But the fact is....having a "Career"....has been the ONLY thing that I've ever actually dreamed of, and I misled him on that. Again....I NEVER dreamt of having a man. I could have cared less when I was really young, because so many men wanted to fuck me and I was such an ANGRY girl--I hated men and manipulated them.
So, I can't deny your analysis.
And how do you guys attach these smilies????
ABM...I have absolutely NO "lesbian" tendacies, feelings, desires whatsoever.
I simply LOVE women as an extention of myself and I VALUE WOMEN'S LIVES and my most INTIMATE emotional connections have always been with other women.
I respect women more than I do men, I believe what women have to say more than I do men, my work as a writer is for the empowerment of women and I truly understand and am overwhelmed by the realities and life-defying complexities/hardships of BLACK women in particular.
But, sexually, there is NOTHING that a woman...or a "drag queen" can do for me. I don't like soft skin to begin with...or slow, tender lovemaking.
I like it ROUGH, HARD and unexpected. Like on the hallway floor kind of sex. Hot and nasty with lots of whimpering and "OUH daddy's". I like the affection, holding and cuddling to be SEPARATE from the sex.
I would never be with a man who was effeminate or dressed up like a woman.
I am already over 6 feet tall, have a deep voice and CAN BE androgynous myself....I don't want to be reminded of that.
I want a man who makes me feel my femininity and makes USE of the ample bodily fruit GOD has given me, because I am truly blessed in the tits and ass and African Sexism has STITCHED me the winning CONCH of California....so I only want Masculine floor pulsing jungle fucking...with a big strong warrior.
No women.
ALWAYS
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Kola_boof
AALBC .com Platinum Poster
Username: Kola_boof
Post Number: 100
Registered: 07-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, October 08, 2004 - 11:14 am: |
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The one thing that I like about men, ABM...is that they fuck us.
Seriously.
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Abm
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Abm
Post Number: 1600
Registered: 04-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, October 08, 2004 - 02:03 pm: |
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Moonsigns,
Your assessment of what Kola has chosen to do is interesting. Because I think MANY if not MOST women have/are sharing their men with other women. And better than half of them suspect if not out-right know what’s going on.
So, although you might blanch at the notion of sharing the hubby’s Jim Browski with another, most statistics will assert you have yourself engaged in such...or you will.
Also, I think when you put what Kola has done within the context of both her culture and her life experiences, it appears reasonable, if not even appropriate. But hey, if you’ve never been passed around by dangerous Arab terrorists like a plate of raw prime rib, you may not quite grasp where she’s coming from.
BTW: Which "point" of yours do I "prove"?
Kola,
The L-word quip is mostly wishful schoolboy ranting. Though I do find it remarkable that you can be so critical of men yet still want to screw’em. That in of it self may be worth some Dr. Freud couch time.
You must drive the Gloria Steinem and Alice Walkers of the world stark-raving MAD.
I can help but think you are teasing. Because as you describe your rather robust sexual predilections, I wonder whether you are trying to rile the DAWGS or scare’em away.
Kola says: "The one thing that I like about men, ABM...is that they fuck us."
ABM says: We are also handy to have around to put out the garbage. |
Kola_boof
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Kola_boof
Post Number: 103
Registered: 07-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, October 08, 2004 - 02:40 pm: |
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I'm....ALWAYS....seducing you ABM.
Don't forget that much of my being passed around by dangerous Arab terrorists as prime rib....was because I took my fast ass over there and teased those Cobras right out of their baskets. Trying to do what...I don't know. GET KILLED? Be an actress, a model, a slut. I don't know. I was young.
I have this theory that I've always secretly wanted to die, but am too cowardly to committ suicide---
OH, that's right....in the WEST you believe that suicide is a "cowardly" act....while we Africans and Asians are of the belief that it takes enormous courage to kill ones self.
So, you see..the cultural differences in THOUGHT...are even deeper than we acknowledge. MOON equates "love" with men being....I don't see it that way, to be honest. I can honestly believe that Thomas would take his frustrations out on another woman---and still love ONLY ME and desire me the most high. I think that's more NATURAL...that humans are not monogamous by nature.
And although many women here may beat me up...I have never, honestly been willing to part with a boyfriend for getting some CONCH from another girl, as long as it was discreet and very, very RARE. But because I'm raised by Black American women--I pretended to be upset, because that's how we do in America if we are...DECENT.
"We don't take they shit!!"
If White women could give birth to "authentic black people"---then I would have no problem with them being with our men. But they are not our race and have always been RESPONSIBLE for the DESTRUCTION of our race, so that is a complex issue for me.
I might have Thomas take A_Womon out on a "date" (no sex, just a movie and dinner) if she seemed depressed and lonely around me...because she is my sister and I love her. I want her to experience joy. So I have done that with women friends who didn't have a man. There was NO SEX. I simply asked Thomas, as a favor, to take my friend out and make her feel pretty. Treat her like a girl and WITH RESPECT...so that she can know that such is possible. I know Korean and Lebanese women who have done the same for me when I didn't have a man.
But in America...people cannot understand me or figure me out.
And also in America....the MEN are grossly cruel to women....they HUMILIATE their women by letting these things be known in public, by boasting about their conquests and their cheating. They also DISRESPECT WOMEN...call us "bitches 'n Ho's" when we walk down the street and especially black men....enjoy using women of other races....to HURT black women's feelings and make them feel inferior and unloved.
For that...I hate our men and make sure that I tell their sorry black asses everytime they're in earshot.
Gloria Steinem and Alice Walker created me. Those are my MOTHERS. I am who I am...because of their work. But I am different...in that I was "mentally traumatized" as a young child and developed as a child OUT OF THAT.
I THINK like a man, mainly because I witnessed my parents murdered in front of me...saw my own grandmother hand me over for adoption, because I didn't fit her Status...lost my virginity in America in a very painful series that took nearly a MONTH, because of "ritual"....AND SO....many illusions were immediately shattered for me starting from childhood.
A close friend of mines--a black man who writes for the BUFFALO TIMES recently finished reading my novel "Flesh and the Devil" and wrote to me:
"Kola the book is extraordinary, but my only conclusion...is that YOU are the devil. Your whole life is about manipulating men and navigating your borrowing of their power."
That's a brilliant statement that he made. And he could be right. But I'm too busy being a mother today, making Sugar cookies and apple Komput for my sons....to really know if he's right.
I am a human who is damned. With too much drama and too much feeling.
That's why I have to write.
And just WAIT til you read the story I'm writing for the PARIS REVIEW (which is this nation's 2nd most prestigous literary magazine after THE NEW YORKER).
It's called "The Swallowers".
And that's all I'll say for now.
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Abm
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Abm
Post Number: 1602
Registered: 04-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, October 08, 2004 - 03:42 pm: |
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Kola,
I know. You are such a d*&%tease that as a teenage girl you must of caused so many erections in the Chocolate City high school system that they made reference to you in their Sex Ed programs.
It is funny you permit your men to platonically date friends. I have taken my widowed mother-n-law and unattached sister-n-law on innocent ‘dates’. But we ended up having such a good time, my wife still ended up getting jealous.
It is difficult to have a really adult conversation about sex because there is often so much hysteria and sophistry injected into the conversation.
Look. The LAST thing I’d want to do with intentionally hurt my wife’s feelings. But I must concede there are moments when I might pluck feathers from St. Peter’s wings before I’d eschew available ‘piece’.
Yeah. There are too many guys who screw and tell. How weak/pathetic is that. Because to me the fun was always in being clandestine.
But you blame us men for being indiscreet when what is also occurring is you American woman are so competitive that if some chick has served the cookie up to your man she is damn sure gonna get around to telling you about it. Also, chicks here put a brothah thru so many hoops that a brotha has to qualify as a special agent with the CIA to be able to keep his extracurricular c*nching on the Q-Tip.
That "The Swallowers" wouldn’t be ‘autobiographical’...would it? Hehe!
PS: You seem too much alive to seriously consider the notion of offing yourself. ‘Sides. One of your enemies might discover your lifeless body and clip, stuff and then mount those luscious tata’s of yours over his fireplace. |
Moonsigns
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Moonsigns
Post Number: 310
Registered: 07-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Saturday, October 09, 2004 - 12:46 pm: |
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Abm,
You're right, there are women out there who share. I feel it is safe to say that many women do so unknowingly. For those that tolerate it, they are stupid. When a woman is younger I think she will fight it/accept it because she is so needy of attention and wants to "own" love. However, if a woman is seasoned and mature, she has the life experience to comprehend that men are average at best, and her health and talents are much more important than having an extra paycheck and a penis. You're right again in that I wouldn't want to share my husband's "Jim Browski" --sex is sacred --my body is sacred. I value my health and my discretion, as does he. Stats have shown that 60% of married men cheat and 40% of married women cheat. Just as I hope my husband uses discretion (for his sake), I hope your wife isn't out there gettin' her kitty stroked --women cheat, too. My hope for all people is that they would consider all aspects of their lives, rather than use the lame excuse that their sexuality is uncontrollable.
This is where Kola and I differ. Monogamy, when you make the marriage commitment (not shackin' up) is a part of a loving, long-term relationship. My husband's faithlessness sexually, is an extension of his great respect for me as the woman who shares his name, has birthed his children, takes care of his needs within the home and who honors his intergrity above any other man. I deserve it. Also, sharing men, allowing men to have other women because we can't provide (for a short time, for whatever reason)sex, is a great way to transmit diseases. I won't partake. If people want to call it culture, so be it. But if and when shyt goes down...feelings grow that shouldn't, diseases spread, or anger begins, there is no one to blame, especially when such behavior is condoned and accepted as "culture". To me, it's yet another reflection of sexism.
The point of mine that you have proved is in the third post I wrote in this thread. You're right (for the most part), men do, do what they want and women are left to deal with it. That is why women must demand more. If it means being alone, so be it. I think women suffer because we allow such garbage to go on....we don't create and maintain standards of respect for ourselves.
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Abm
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Abm
Post Number: 1626
Registered: 04-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Saturday, October 09, 2004 - 07:18 pm: |
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Moonsigns,
I don't think it is fair to call another "stupid" because they tolerate something that you might not. We all have weaknesses of some sort. Some are physical. Some mental. Some emotional. But no one frailty is less valid than another.
To some people, the worst possible scenario they can find themselves in is to be lonesome. So they will endure whatever/however that is necessary to avoid being left alone. And that might include being willing to suffer what you and I would consider intolerable.
Those people require our sympathy, not our ridicule.
Baby. We ALL are "average". You are. I am. Your spouse. And mine. We all are human, mortal foks. You may think to yourself you are "tuff stuff". But to another, you might be beneath their casual regard. And being "seasoned' doesn't exempt ANY of us from that.
So, yeah, think well of yourself. And treat yourself accordingly. But let's not get too grandiose about who/what we are.
Because we ALL are very much capable of being showed up by another. Sometimes, even when we see our comeuppance...coming.
Again, for a healthy man, handling the sex urge is akin to handling alcohol addiction. He's gottah take it one day at a time.
So while I'll allow and respect what you 'think' of what your mate thinks/does, I would not be surprised to discovered that what he ACTUALLY thinks/does is something else altogether different.
And I don't much concern myself with whether or not my wife has or would cheat. I don't expect that she would. But she's a beautiful and charming woman who is constantly hit-on by other men. And I accept it is humanly possible that, perhaps in a moment infirmity within our relationship, at least one of those jokers might glide under her other-man radar screen (Please warn me if either Mario Van Peebles or Pierce Brosnan enters our area code.).
All your stuff about marital commitment is fine...for you. And certainly disease and illegitimate/inconvenient fatherhood are real/urgent issues.
Still, what I have observed is some of the communities finest and most productive husbands, fathers and citizens have also been some of the biggest 'hounds' ever.
When you look at what is occurring with the Black community, where in some cases 'eligible' (admittedly, a questionable term) females allegedly outnumber their male counterparts as much as 8:1, a reasonable person might understand how/why infidelity occurs.
Respectfully, Kola's life history is so afield from that of yours, I find it cruel laughable to attempt to engage in any meaningful comparisons between how you and she would/should deal with men.
Lastly, I think women suffer not primarily because of what men do. Rather, I think women are equal contributors to the tumult they endure. Because if you show me one rotten man, I'll show at least one woman who helped encouraged such. |
Moonsigns
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Moonsigns
Post Number: 312
Registered: 07-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Saturday, October 09, 2004 - 08:36 pm: |
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Abm,
You have acknowledged that "sharing" has contributed to the very "real/urgent issues" of the spread of disease, as well as illegitimate/inconvenient fatherhood --so, you understand my overall point. Hence, I will continue to say it is stupid for a woman to risk her health in order to "have" a man. I'm not saying the woman is "stupid", just her actions. Many women who "share" are decent, intelligent, hardworking and beautiful women, however, they don't resepct themselves in that department. I think that void comes from serious social conditioning, as well as life experiences with the average man. The average women is conditioned (to this day) to believe her primary function in life is to ultimately be a wife and a mother. Men aren't socialized like this. They are allowed to be self-proclaimed (and very proud) womanizers...bachelors who "can't settle", even at age 35-40. However, a woman of that age who hasn't married yet is considered to have something "wrong" with her --she is an "old maid" devoid of all happiness and life fulfillment all because she doesn't have a man a kids --what an unjust double standard. So, what you think is ridiculing is not. It is empowerment for a woman to honor her being by choosing not to partake in a relationship that will only hurt her (in many ways).
I find it a contradiction to say in one post that (paraphrasing) men ultimately do what they want to do and women are left to deal with it, but then in this post say, "Lastly, I think women suffer not primarily because of what men do. Rather, I think women are equal contributors to the tumult they endure." Sorry Abm, this can't be. If we are left to pick up the pieces of the things men figuratively, as well as literally, destroy with their hands/hearts, we really can blame men for doing what they want and leaving us to fend.
You're correct in that Kola and I have lived very, very different lives. But when all is said and done, we (women in general) can't condone men taking advantage of us...our resources and call it culture. It to me, is rather an extenstion of female submission in a male dominated world, even if it causes the woman pain. That sucks to me.
Lastly, at this point in my life, nothing would "surprise" me, especially infidelity --I've seen it happen to the best of women. I'm also of the mind set that I don't "own" anyone's love, or anyone's life....I don't chain anyone's soul. Most women don't get that. That is why Abm, I create standards for myself and adhere to them. Not because I think I'm better, but because I know NOBODY, with the exception of God, will love me any better than I can love myself. I hope you understand.
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Abm
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Abm
Post Number: 1628
Registered: 04-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Saturday, October 09, 2004 - 09:31 pm: |
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Moonsigns,
We ALL are just human beings.
Yeah. There are a myriad things we should/shouldn't do. But often, those things pale in comparison to those moments that we all have when we are lonely...and simply want to be with 'someone'.
You have mentioned that you were bred in a happy, well-adjusted family. But what if you NEVER had anything of the sort? What if you have spent your entire life STARVING for some positive affirmation from a father or a mate? And what if you FINALLY, after a lifetime of searching, appear to find such...but it comes with a 'price' of some sort (e.g., he's unfaithful, unemployed, illiterate, ex-convict, etc.)?
See. The problem with this conversation is YOU are not confronted with that dilemma as starkly as others are, especially Black women.
I hate to pull the race card here. But YOU just don't know what a lot of Black women out here are caught up in. There are sistahs out here who are the product of 2 - 3 generations of fatherlessness. So the notion of having ANY KIND of man is quite tantalizing.
How can you POSSIBLY offer any meaningful advice on how THEY should view men?
No disrespect. But all your talk about women expecting to be wives, old maids and such is kinda crazy. Because +70% of the Black children are being raised by single mothers. Believe me, those sistahs are much more acquainted with the REAL world than YOU are. Because THEY were RUDELY made to stop waiting for the house with the white pickett fence fantasy a LONG time ago...if they were ever allowed to believe such to begin with.
And, conversely, what is inherently WRONG with a woman WANTING a mate, anyway? YOU have one! Why shouldn't someone else, especially those who have rarely if ever had such, desire the same? It is the most natural of all desires.
You pretend to be rather blasé about the whole thing about having/needing a man when the truth of the matter is your @$$ ain't hanging on to a BLACK man who's 'sack' is still well-intact without having to put in some serious work too, Honey Bunch. And I wager you wouldn't be too happy for your mother to hear about some of that 'work'.
So you need to stop frontin' otherwise.
There's no contradiction within what I say. I stand by it.
Rather, you mistakenly interpreted what I said to be inherently negative in nature. But I don't.
Yes, guys ultimately do what they want. But sometimes, you women benefit from that masculine inclination. Other times you don't.
And all this "pick up the pieces" stuff might sound good on the Oprah Winfrey show circa 1991. But it is time yawl give that stuff a rest already. Because women more times than not are co-conspirators in the double-dealing men do. Women often enable, if not tacitly sanction, infidelity, criminality, domestic abuse, etc. Often, you even engage in and or promote such yourselves.
And enough of the 'submission' crap already.
In ANY real/meaningful relationship, both men and women 'submit".
Look. For years, I worked +60 hours a week, on weekends/holidays, so my wife didn't have to. What color/style of furniture we have? The kind my WIFE wanted. Did I want a minivan? No. Did she? Yes. Do we have a minivan? Yep! And we own/operate a business that SHE wanted.
So who is 'submitting' here?
There's NOTHING wrong with allowing give-n-take in a relation, provided both people know/accept the rules upon which they will concede.
Lastly, I agree that no one will love you more than yourself (and your GOD). But neither YOU, nor I or anyone else can rigidly define what ANOTHER requires to feel...loved. |
Moonsigns
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Moonsigns
Post Number: 313
Registered: 07-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Saturday, October 09, 2004 - 11:56 pm: |
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Abm,
While I was raised in a well-adjusted home (for the most part), it does not mean my experience was void of problems/issues.
In regards to giving advice, all of us here are just sharing our opinions. I never said my opinion is law, therefore, don't imply that.
No disrespect. But all this talk about black women and single parenthood, it's all about choice. I feel the same about any other race of women as well. In today's society, especially in America, the out-of-wedlock birth rate is shameful --across the board. We, as a society, act as if we live in the remote jungles in the middle of nowhere and can't find out how to better ourselves. If there is a way to find out where the latest entertainment is, we got it, but when it comes down to birth control, we act as if there is no way to find out any information. Such garbage and too convenient of an excuse. There are resources and many are FREE!
There is nothing wrong with a woman desiring a mate, however, it is not the end all to be all either. We aren't socialized to believe that though. There are many, many double-standards, and you know it. One being, when we finally get a man, we have to think we have to take his shyt just because we should be so lucky to have one. Please.
For years, my husband also worked the same hours so I didn't have to. I totally took care of all the needs of the home. He was a king and treated like king. So, you're damn right, I've done my work. You are preachin' to the choir about compromise. I know all about it. And you're right, in any meaningful relationship, both men and women submit. Women have to guard who they submit to though, as well as men, otherwise, it could destroy their sense of self, as well as their entire life.
You're also right in that no one can rigidly define what another requires to feel loved, however, I think anyone with common sense can agree that a cheating partner is selfish, not loving. When we truly love, we compromise. Remember?
The "real world" is relative.
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Abm
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Abm
Post Number: 1634
Registered: 04-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, October 10, 2004 - 01:10 am: |
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Moonsigns,
Here we go again!
I did not infer that you lived some idyllic childlike. Nor did I suggest that you were legislating what others must do. But, simply, you seem to lack genuine empathy for those who are made to live differently from yourself.
Not everyone have the same choices.
Certain people are coerced into selecting from more limited choices than others. And some of what causes that is based family wealth (or lack there of). Some personal (e.g., physical, mental, emotional, etc.). Some via geography. Some via social/political limitations. Some via sex/gender. And some, of course, via race, ethnicity and nationality.
I agree there are too many women who willingly enter into fruitless relationships. But if most, if not all, the men they see are below a desired standard, what does one do? Spend their ENTIRE adult life alone? Again, I think it convenient of you to suggest that they should considering that when you yourself have NOT chosen to live as such.
You have a man because you WANT a man. You have children because you WANT children. Those are real/important to you. And perhaps you are fortunate enough to garner what you consider a mutually satisfying relationship.
But just because a woman does not have all the options you have don't mean they too don't want at least some of what you have, namely children.
Because - other than eating, sleeping and breathing - having a child is amongst the most basic inclinations a woman can have. Come on. Don't sit over there on your cozy I-got-me-a-man highhorse and discount THAT.
Where do I say having a mate is the be/end all of things? It isn't.
But it IS a core and fundamental urge that ALL human beings have. Again. I think it convenient of you to remotely suggest otherwise when you yourself are so predisposed.
Hey. I'll admit it. I probably would be f*#$ed up were I not a husband/father. I likely would not be as healthy, financially sound, educated, nurturing, etc. And I think most husbands married +10 years would (perhaps grudgedly) cop to that. (Factoid: +85% of American millionaires have been married to just ONE woman for over 20 years.)
Because a wife/children centers a man. It helps him to more productively prioritize his life to achieve benefits for himself, his family and society as a whole.
So I find it interesting that women spend so much time arguing about how they can do without a man. I think yawl are outtah your mind if you honestly think you'd do just as well without a man as you would with one. And skip the I don't need a lazygoodfornothingcheating man talk. That's become cheap, boilerplate spiel used by women to mask mistakes that THEY have made in relationships.
Yes. "The 'real world' is relative." indeed. And Kola's "real world" might rate just as fine for her as yours does for you. |
Kola_boof
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Kola_boof
Post Number: 112
Registered: 07-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, October 10, 2004 - 02:06 am: |
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MOON--
I have never in my life "Shared a Man".
What I have done, per my cultural affiliation, is attend to MY MAN the way that both Nilotic people and Black American people taught me to tend to my man.
I am a strange hybrid of those two cultures.
In your posts, you seem to be suggesting that I am encouraging "infidelity" as a predatory mode of behavior for MEN. And I am not.
In your "AMERICAN" sensibility...you cannot separate a ritual of "co-wifery" from the practice of "cheating". To you, they're the same thing. But in reality...one is PLANNED by both partners...the other is a SECRET done in the dark by ONE of the partners.
You come from a Judeo Christian Victorian based culture that espouses that Monogamy is "natural" (which it is not natural, but TRAINED) and that it's the best way for men and women to be in relationships.
While the SELFISH part of me truly enjoys Monogamy...I also have first hand knowledge of a world where men are forced (by the society) to enter into marriage with the widows of their dead brothers or the ugly girls that no one wants. A culture that decrees---EVERY WOMAN must be married and spoken for and have a father for her children. MOST African cultures do not allow "Single Mothers". Such a woman would be considered a FREAK.
Yes, of course, it's a sexist culture just like your Judeo Christian template...but I would hope that you could cease with the arrogance of calling people "stupid" and understand from an intellectual standpoint that these Foreign Modes of relationships often WORK and are often times more SATISFYING and SENSIBLE than the American one.
MOST poor countries/cultures of the planet, Moon....are not rich enough to be able to afford LOVE STORY lifesyles, HIGH ROMANCE, etc. like in motion pictures and soap operas.
The sheep herder working his land needs helpers to perform different tasks---and African women need protection from wild animals, from other men and need a place to house their bodies and their children. THROUGH work and time...these people become IN LOVE by adversity.
AND BY THE WAY, MOON....in Sudan, a man is only allowed to have ONE WIFE. My father purchased my mother when she was 14. She never employed Co-wives, but if she had done so--that would have been a normal part of our culture. MOST WOMEN, because of the Infibulation of their vaginas, need Co-wives during difficulties with menstruation or Pregnancy and at other times.
"Co-wifery" is an ART of African and Asian cultures....it is TAUGHT...because the Co-wife must never become INVOLVED with the husband. And no "co-wife" wants to bring DISHONOR on such an important role in our society. She is like a Mid-Wife. Her loyalty and her VOW is to the WIFE.
In SUDAN...the "man" is not allowed to choose a co-wife. HIS WIFE must introduce the idea to him and SHE (along with the "Zarpunni"--the elder women of the covenant) screen and select a suitable co-wife. The man and wife must agree with each other and SET THE GUIDELINES for their agreement. If the MAN in any way imposes against the will of his wife....then she will tell the Zarpunni and the Zarpunni will engage the MEN's elders and community people to put their foot down on the husband.
I don't deny that our society is SEXIST...but so is YOURS. Just watch MTV for 24 hours and you will see EXACTLY what White Men think about women and how they CHEAT like rabbits.
African men spreading AIDS to their wives, because they go out chasing Prostitutes and refuse to wear condoms and are basically MALE WHORES....have nothing to do with the practice of Co-Wifery, although I am sure that there are WOMANIZING African men who infect their wives AND co-wives. Still, you can't issue damnation to a practice that has been in place 26,000 years and has WORKED AMAZINGLY WELL...long before AIDS was introduced in our land.
I have had a wonderful man (all to myself) for 8 years who STILL, beyond a shadow of a doubt, worships the ground I walk on and who was TRULY..TRULY...good to me.
It was.....MY DECISION and MY CHOICE....to engage a CO-WIFE during my 3 pregnancies by him. And as I mentioned before...those women were college girls from CLAREMONT COLLEGE, they were screened and tested regarding ALL Health Proclivities. They were not even ALLOWED to have "cavities" in their mouth before I let them lay down with Thomas...I mentioned that before.
They lived in our home, were assistants to me in my pregnancies, were COMPANY for me---and they took the burden of sex off of me.
There is NO WAY...that I would ever want any man that I love to go without sex for over a YEAR!!
WHY SHOULD I?
This is what I don't understand about American WOMEN.
WHY WOULD I WANT THAT?
I myself don't want such an imposition, and Thomas would definitely have TRIED (and maybe even made it through a year)...but the fact is....I DIDN'T WANT HIM TO. And I still would not want something so unnatural imposed on my man.
I cannot bear to be touched during pregnancy, and I that includes giving HEAD...so I put him with a Co-wife. And it took enormous stress off of me.
Lastly,
My DREAM in life, as I've been telling you, has always been to have my career and to use my life fighting against political realities such as white supremacy. I have NEVER EVER dreamt of having a man...and especially never dreamed of being "married"--which to me, seemed like a kind of JOKE that society plays on women. A plantation of sorts.
But I will give you this...Thomas awakened something within me that I did not know existed there. He SOFTENED me and he taught me how to LOVE. He even, to my shock...introduced me to the MOVIE ROMANCE type of life that American white women get to enjoy so much. He swept me off my feet and took me to the MOON and STARS.
Thomas has asked me to marry him 3 times, MOON.
The only reason that I have not legally married Thomas is because of his demand that I move to his country (Belize) after marriage....where he owns property and would no doubt extoll even MORE CONTROL over my life.
NOTE: Whenever I go with Thomas to visit his uncles here in L.A.---I am not allowed to speak to the men, including Thomas, unless they speak to me. I have to sit in another room with the other Belizian wives, separated from the men. That is in LOS ANGELES!! So just imagine how it would be once I'm caught in their own country? And believe me, Thomas is a wonderful man to keep company with--he communicates very well and is very sensitive and tender---but when he's around his uncles, he tries to PROVE to them that he's still a "GARIFUNA". He becomes...Mr. Man, and I can't stand it.
But when it's just me and him at our own home...he is a wonderful Prince Charming. Everything I ever dreamed of. And truly...it is nearly impossible to find BLACK MEN who will treat a woman as wonderfully as Thomas treated me. But anyway....
I refused to go to Belize!!...and he won't marry any woman unless she's willing to live in his house in Belize and raise his children THERE.
Yes, he's a sexist pig, but I love him and he's the best man I've ever known. He's a wonderful father, an outstanding provider and he rescued me from a life of promiscuity and allowed me to experience BEING LOVED.
I never felt any less loved after sending Thomas off to have sex with my Co-wife. However, I admitt, that I would have CUT HIM...had he gone out and found some girl that wasn't chosen by me and did it "Secretly". And if he ever did do such a thing, he loved me enough to make sure that I never found out.
To me....American women are encouraged by the society to be DELUSIONAL about what constitutes real love and to be ridiculous about "sex" and "sexuality".
America is a land that considers sex "dirty" yet is OBSESSED with it.
Perhaps you should experience more fluid, sensual cultures on the Nile River, MOON...or the South of France...or the Three Islands of Thailand.
Yes, the "real world" is relative...and everyone is not as STUPID as they think.
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Moonsigns
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Moonsigns
Post Number: 315
Registered: 07-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, October 10, 2004 - 07:44 am: |
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Interesting post Kola. Thanks for sharing.
"To me.....American women are encouraged by the society to be DELUSIONAL about what constitutes real love and to be ridiculous about "sex" and "sexuality". -Kola
American women (in general) could say the same thing about your culture. There are just fundamental differences.
From the cultural practices of white men in America, to the cultural practices of black men in Africa, it's all about sexism (to me).
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Abm
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Abm
Post Number: 1636
Registered: 04-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, October 10, 2004 - 08:06 am: |
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Moonsigns,
Women are DOOMED to be disappointed by men in part because, well, yawl ENJOY being disappointed by men.
I don't care WHAT men do, yawl are predisposed to find SOMETHING (ANYTHING...EVERYTHING) wrong with it.
If you couldn't decry our cheatin', you be wailing about something else. And it would probably be much more benign than infidelity:
You're too fat!
You should eat more!
You're too bald!
You need to cut your hair!
You don't make enough money!
All you care about is your money!
You need to get a job!
You spend to much time at work!
You spend to much time out with your friends!
You should go out more!
You should spend more time with the kids!
You act like you love the kids more than you do with me!
This whole "sexism" blather is largely a convenient excuse for doing one of the things yawl enjoy most doing...complaining about men! |
A_womon
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: A_womon
Post Number: 931
Registered: 05-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, October 10, 2004 - 09:04 am: |
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AND ABM,
I find it puzzling that someone who is so happy and fullfilled with thier mate can only project negative images of males! That seems like a bit of a paradox to me. Shouldn't someone who has a good mate be pointing out the positive virtues of her experience with men? Why would there be a constant bombardment about what men aint, and how they DON'T need them to be fullfilled, and how they don't need to chain themselves to them, and they can take a man or leave em? WOULDN'T you think that someone who is so happy with thier mate WOULD find time to EXTOL a man's good traits SOMETIME? I think somebody is lying about somethin! MAYBE EVERYTHING!!!
And if as you have alluded to she can speak to women about how thEY don't need a man to be happy, if her man aint making HER happy, then why the HELL is she still there?? *EYEBROW RAISED TO THE MAX!*
aND if he IS making her happy, why don't we hear about again, what it is that makes her so damned happy with her man? hmmmmmmmmmmmm so very strange! |
Abm
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Abm
Post Number: 1638
Registered: 04-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, October 10, 2004 - 09:18 am: |
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Kola/Moonsigns,
I think bashing each other's culture unnecessarily obfuscates the more valid point that we all are the product of cultural criteria that were and/or are valid if not wholly necessary for the place/circumstance a people are bound.
Kola, you often appear dismissive of the American culture, which ironically grants you myriad more rights/freedoms/protections than what you might most anywhere else, including you beloved Sudan.
Moonsigns, you endeavor to prescribe solutions to the problem of others yet appear incapable of viewing this world from a vantage point that is void of your special perch atop those rights/freedoms/protections.
Thus, both of you will likely reach only those who are already committed to your beliefs and values.
Question: American women outnumber American men (especially potential voters as far more men have lost their ability to vote via criminal convict than have women). Why don't women simply band together and vote each other into most of the positions of elective office? Doing that would not only allow you to run the governments. But you could also steer business/social policy and the American culture in directions that are more woman-friendly.
Can it be that you genuinely WANT us "sexist" men to run thangs?
A_womon,
You make a valid point. One that continues to grow within my mind as well.
Moonsigns,
I await your response to what A_womon alludes to. |
Moonsigns
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Moonsigns
Post Number: 317
Registered: 07-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, October 10, 2004 - 09:47 am: |
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Abm,
By suggesting that because I have certain "right/freedoms/protections" that I don't have a voice...an opinion.
You should know better. I rarely, if next to never, communicate with A_womon. She knows NOTHING about marriage, raising kids, paying mortage, etc. "grown-up" stuff if you will. Plus, she is a bigot and has zero to say about anything relevant in my life. I won't indulge her demons. Just have to clairify that.
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Abm
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Abm
Post Number: 1641
Registered: 04-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, October 10, 2004 - 10:01 am: |
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Kola,
To a material degree, the American Black community handling of gender/sexuality is beginning to mirror what you describe of Africa. However, in some respects it is worse here for women than those in Africa because at least the African societies have some rules of 'engagement' that men/women are made to observe that protect women/children (e.g., your "Zarpunni" oversight of the co-wifery). But here in the US, many Black women are in de facto co-wife relationships where there are no formal protections and the women/children can easily be misused and stigmatized.
But perhaps that will change.
Because I recently have observed Black women quite candidly discuss possible solutions to the Black man shortage problem. Some suggestions were as benign as exploring the option of mating with non-Black men. But others were are eclectic as engaging in very sobering expositions on the relative merits of lesbianism and/or 'shared' husbandry.
Thus, I suspect, as the chasm widens between Black men and Black women, we may witness social systems develop that might mirror both those of our motherland and something altogether new.
Moonsigns,
I did not follow your "By suggesting that because I have certain "right/freedoms/protections" that I don't have a voice...an opinion." Please explain or clarify.
But. Okay. I'll 'respect' your schism with A_womon.
Still. I too share much of the gist of her assertions/questions. I imagine others do as well. Thus, if you can at least partly address the substance of what she offers, I would be much obliged. |
Lambd
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Lambd
Post Number: 616
Registered: 01-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, October 10, 2004 - 10:16 am: |
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Hahahaha! Abm, you fuks me up, young! The way you worded that last paragraph reminded me why I love this place. LOLROFLMBAOSF&BAAO!!!!!!
***laughingoutloudrollingonthefloorlaughingmyblackazzoffspittinfartin&belchinall atonce!!!!!!!! |
Lambd
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Lambd
Post Number: 617
Registered: 01-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, October 10, 2004 - 10:17 am: |
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Hey_woman! "I too share much of the gist of her assertions..."
Abm be trippin' don't he! |
Kola_boof
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Kola_boof
Post Number: 114
Registered: 07-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, October 10, 2004 - 11:08 am: |
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ABM said:
Kola, you often appear dismissive of the American culture, which ironically grants you myriad more rights/freedoms/protections than what you might most anywhere else, including you beloved Sudan.
I SAY:
That's bullshit.
I have CONSTANTLY...on this board...pointed out how I would never live in Africa again, because I have freedom of speech in America...self determination as a woman....and could never do the work I do in an African country.
What I am calling DELUSIONAL about American women...is the ridiculous "romantic notion" of LOVE and MARRIAGE that has been fashioned and created by HOLLYWOOD and mainly ingested and believed in by WHITE WOMEN and by Black Women who pattern themselves after their White Media Prototype.
MOON has a very narrow uotpian view of what love and marriage are supposed to be--a view that doesn't leave room for the human factor and a view that suggests that monogamy is some NATURAL state that occurs become "normal" people who just happen to MORALLY GOOD and RIGHTEOUS.
American women are usually taught that:
1) When a man has sex with you--it has something to do with love or his feelings for YOU. They aren't allowed told, from the very beginning, that men separate SEX from LOVE. No they have to learn the hard way...because of YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS.
2) That women in the WEST even believe at all that men choose their mates because of LOVE or because the chosen women are deserving good people....is the biggest delusion. Men, world wide, choose their mates based on a number of factors--MOST having nothing to do with the love. The #1 reason, is by that particular society's standard of beauty. Whatever that standard is, the men there will attain a wife whose beauty IMPRESSES the other men. Or #2, men choose women who have STATUS (in some countries, this means "fat" skin in S. India--or a large forehead in Africa--or yellow skin and "good hair" in Black America--or infibulated in Turkey.
Or #3 men choose women who can WORK THE LAND and bare many children....or who can COOK and keep his homestead clean...or who can keep up with him while he's hunting lions.
BUT NOT...."romantic love"...which is really a form of infatuation and fantasy....and can all too easily unravel--the moment a better fantasty partner materializes. And "Material" is the operative word in these American Delusions.
A 4 million dollar ring or dinner at the right restaurant "signifies" that you are really loved.
What elitist bullshit!!!
Also Prejudice...as HOLLYWOOD love dictates that any woman who isn't chosen for this fantasy...is not chosen because she's inherently evil, flawed and of no use to the society. In America---that is usually the DELUSION held about all these single black mothers who, miraculously, in a white supremacist society...are rarely chosen for marriage. Even these black women hold and accept that DELUSION about themselves.
REAL LOVE....REAL LOVE....comes from shared experiences and adversities. People...through time and having to face hardships together....find themselves sharing a love for one another that is based in comradeship and sexual proximity and familiarity with that person. They become BONDED and they capitalize on the things they have in common. This allows REAL GENUINE LOVE that is not dependent on Hollywood ideals of a size 4 foot and the man having a White Horse. Still, MUTUAL RESPECT and TRUST...are the two things that anchor these relationships....and women acknowledging that MOST MEN wake up with a hard on in the morning....and said women arranging for their men to put those hard ons in PERSPECTIVE...is often more "scientific thinking" than DELUSIONAL self appointment.
This whole idiocy that a man is supposed to SET EYES ON YOU....desire ONLY YOU for the rest of his entire life.....go 70 years without ever touching another female--and that if he doesn't---he doesn't really love you....is a creation of HOLLYWOOD....not human nature.
And therefore, most of the women I've encountered in this country---are DELUSIONAL about relationships with men.
I said to a girlfriend about why I wouldn't date her playa-playa brother---"He hates women."
Her immediate response was---"OH, do you think he's gay?"
THAT wasn't what I meant in the least. What I meant was...he fucks 15 women a week. A clear indication that he places no value in women, that he has no respect for women's bodies or his...and that he has no genuine love that he's willing to share with a woman (he prally saves it for his buddies). And these kind of men MARRY the girl that they THINK their buddies will be impressed by...she's "chubby" but white or that kind of thing....and then proceed to cheat on her regularly, expect her to be perfect while he's just a selfish mongrel. Etc.
But notice the DELUSIONAL THINKING of the women.
They can't even understand human nature enough to grasp the REAL REASONS that men do the things they do.....they're so busy buying into AMERICAN T.V. LAND ideals of what men are supposed to be.
I have done very well....with men.
Because whichever one I met....I gave him exactly what he deserved.
THOMAS was a good one who deserved my undying love, respect and understanding----regardless of his flaws.
And EVERY HUMAN has flaws.
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Moonsigns
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Moonsigns
Post Number: 318
Registered: 07-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, October 10, 2004 - 11:20 am: |
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Abm,
I don't like to get personal here, but for the sake of conversation will share as little as I can without seeming bytchy --cause you know, I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't.
My situation is ideal. I'm very comfortable, fulfilled, and "kept". I have very high standards which have enabled me to live as such. I have given to the relationship as much as I receive. Above all else, I beleive in compromise and have been more than willing to do so because I am the wife of a man that I feel derserves honor. I would never submit to just anyone. Not that the relationship has been without issues, however, they aren't the kind of hardships that the average woman endures.
For the most part, the circle of women that I keep company with have the same values and are the wives of men who take care of their every need. In turn, they tend to everything the home needs in order to run efficiently. Women like this are often resented by other women, but never respected for the fact that the reason they have so much is because they expect so much --and if the situation permits, will be alone rather than deal with a loser --or succumb to sharing.
On the flip side, I have seen women like this taken advantage of...ultimately cheated, or left, or signifcantly hurt somehow, especially now that I've lived a bit more. My venom for such issues stems from watching the lives of women like me, unravel right before their very eyes. While I am young enough to be optimistic, I'm old enough that I'm not naive. I am at the stage of my life where I'm learning to balance the beauty of enjoying a wonderful relationship, but not allow it to define me...in the event that I'm a victim of man's seemingly, uncontrollable "nature". I'm sure you understand and respect where I'm coming from as a grown man with real responsibilities who lives this.
I am extremely conservative and traditional (for the most part), but also have learned through the experiences I've mentioned that women must above all else, love themselves first. We must set high standards (as must men) in order to enter into, as well as maintain, a loving, mutually beneficial relationship.
Like I said, I damned if I voice a concern/issue I have by observing the nature of male/female relationships in general, but I'm also damned to say as a white woman, that I'm very well "kept" by a strong, black man. Here, sharing such is a double edged sword. I feel what I shared is sufficient to answer the hater's questions.
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Kola_boof
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Kola_boof
Post Number: 115
Registered: 07-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, October 10, 2004 - 11:33 am: |
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ABM WROTE:
Because I recently have observed Black women quite candidly discuss possible solutions to the Black man shortage problem.
I WRITE:
The most sensible and realistic solution for black women is NOT to share black men.....but to 1) GIVE BIRTH...to the kind men they need....and 2) create a Social Media Ideal of Black women that promotes THEIR NATURAL BEAUTY as "beauty" and promotes them as sexually desirable and "worthy" of marriage....
....so that they may engage in marrying MEN OF ALL RACES.
This "loyalty" to black men bullshit needs to die.
Black men do not deserve our loyalty, our love and have long ago...lost much of our respect.
But the black woman's hands are tied, because she, as a BLACK woman (not as an "imitation" white woman), is virtually INVISIBLE....and the reason she's invisible.....is that she gives birth to the BLACK MAN.
Whereas most white women give birth to "bi-racial" children who are acculturated by white mothers to not identify completely as Black or to not identify EXCLUSIVELY with BLACK struggle.....the BLACK WOMAN gives birth to those black people who are regarded in this society as "the problem". Her children are truly...BLACK....and therefore, undesirable.
Neither SHE...nor the BLACK MAN....have ever fought for the inate humanity of BLACK CHILDREN and BLACK HUMAN BEINGS.
Instead....they both fought against "racism" and "discrimination"....because they wanted to be allowed to TAKE PART in the system of white supremacy, not destroy it. In other words, they have fought for the RIGHT...to marry white and breed with their white master....to dress like him, talk like him, imitate his society and set HIM as their God and "point of reference".
MOST BLACK MEN...would rather their sons look like their white slave master....than like Djimon Hounsou. And that is obvious by the women that they marry....to BREED themselves out of the "blackness" they claim to adore. This, of course,has diminished the world's respect for Black men that was gained in the 1960's---and it PROVES the white supremacist theory that black people are INFERIOR, because after all....how could they be "equally human" and yet refuse to uphold their own mother or give birth to their own race????? But, instead, judge the worth of their own children by how many DROPS of non-black blood they have.
This is worldwide and black people...can no longer deny it.
Black women...would be FOOLS to even acknowledge a "black man shortage".
1) They can always use their wombs to give birth to the KIND of black men they want. But they never put much into "raising" their children in a political sense---they just let the T.V. raise them.
2) They can make their lives and bodies familiar to men of other races---who really are attracted to black women and do feel great sympathy for black women's position----but it's the black woman who feels herself "inadequate" and "unworthy"...mainly because black men (the majority of whom are colorstruck imitations of their white master) have TAUGHT HER that she's "ugly, not worthy, a mule who was raped, inferior to other women...doesn't DESERVE to be happy, because...she's black".
Black women need to get a saying. It goes like this:
"FUCK BLACK MEN"
And then they will begin to see...that they have FAR MORE POWER.....and far more options than the world would allow them.
The Black Woman is God's finest fabric.
None of these bitches--white, asian, indian, latina---none of them have got enough ass to get on stage with Mama. And as soon as the Black Woman rediscovers her own beauty, insists upon it and asserts herself.....she will begin to GIVE BIRTH...to the people that SHE needs....instead of the people that white women need.
FUCK WHITE WOMEN.
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Kola_boof
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Kola_boof
Post Number: 116
Registered: 07-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, October 10, 2004 - 11:47 am: |
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MOON WROTE:
Like I said, I damned if I voice a concern/issue I have by observing the nature of male/female relationships in general, but I'm also damned to say as a white woman, that I'm very well "kept" by a strong, black man. Here, sharing such is a double edged sword. I feel what I shared is sufficient to answer the hater's questions.
I SAY:
And you're right.
This is a BLACK board. Why should we give a fuck that your white undeserving ass is being flaunted, worshipped and adored by a STRONG BLACK MAN....which is bullshit to our ears, because if he was so STRONG....he would be giving birth to his own image and loving back into reality one of the DESERVING black women that this society has destroyed in its centuries old quest to destroy, MUTE and Bastardize.....all black people.
You have every right to love your man and extoll your "virtues" and your opinions. I share and respect MANY of your opinions.
But don't drag your white arrogant ass up in here to preach to US...about how great thou art and what a fine man your husband is.
We could give a fuck.
Black women care about those who care about THEM. So you're right MOON...you're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't, because MUCH (and I mean MUCH) of what you say/extoll is basically to advance your own position, pat black men on the head...and talk down....to black women, who in your heart...you really believe you're superior to anyway.
And as an African woman, let me remind me....that a white woman
AINT SHIT.
Because SHE'S WHITE is the reason...she AINT SHIT.
And if I had been the one to raise these black girls in America....your head would be on a stick by now with your husband's penis sewed down your throat.
You've really done on our daughters in this country and your white supremacist POISON is spreading now to Africa itself.
But don't look back...because the PAST...is gaining on you.
And God help you...when we arrive.
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Moonsigns
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Moonsigns
Post Number: 319
Registered: 07-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, October 10, 2004 - 12:24 pm: |
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Abm,
What did I tell you? Double-edged sword my friend. Such is life.
Kola,
Enough already. I don't discuss my relationship that often on the board, but when I'm questioned, I should be able to respond without all this garbage. Get this, I never once said because I'm white I'm deserving or for that reason I'm the "shyt" --it's my standards that are deserving. A majority of the women I keep company with are black and non-white and are resented in the same way for the standards they keep. There are also women within my circle of close friends that weren't raised with their fathers and had very difficult childhoods. Women can't stand other women who command respect and you are a prime example of this. Race is irrelevant in regards to setting and maintaining relational standards. If you want to use race as a scapegoat when it is clearly not, do so, but it is ignorant.
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Kola_boof
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Kola_boof
Post Number: 119
Registered: 07-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, October 10, 2004 - 01:18 pm: |
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What I'm an example enough....you don't have the intellectual properties to even speculate on, MOON.
And it's not my duty to confirm your Victorian Judeo Christian society when all around me my own Black Children are being seduced and destroyed by it and wiped off the face of the earth...so that YOU can have standards to match your dinner ware and your church fans.
RACE is the ONLY revelance in America.
Anybody who doesn't realize that....is really the ignorant one.
And I will kill GOD before I see my black babies dead.
I don't care what what white women and niggers think about that or how irrational it sounds to them.
Through our children we live forever---and your children are not good enough.
I am an African woman and I want my own. And I want them black.
I am talking about the WORLD...not us personally.
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A_womon
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: A_womon
Post Number: 932
Registered: 05-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, October 10, 2004 - 01:49 pm: |
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Kola,
I don't know why you waste your time on that lying dumb broad! She lies to suit her purpose and changes her story at will. Now she kept in the lap of luxury, but last week her ass was just getting off from work!
DON'T waste your time on a liar! One who can't keep her lies straight!
And Im not interested in what this delusional broad opines on what makes adult situations. She lives in a fantasy world without shit going for her and comes here to TRY to convince herself and others that she is special, and you and abm keep feeding her overblown ego.
And Of course she wishes to be other than what she is a boring, stupid, racist witch! That lives with a fantasy black man that she can change to suit her argument!
AND ABM
She uses that old I don't read A womon's posts or talk to her bullsh*t so as not to answer a direct question, AS USUAL. But I know WHAT she is...
A BIG LIAR. |
Moonsigns
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Moonsigns
Post Number: 320
Registered: 07-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, October 10, 2004 - 02:08 pm: |
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Christianity isn't destroying black people --religion period, isn't destroying black people.
See, I say one thing about the way I live and there you go. My standards are about the way I'm treated, not about my matching dinner ware---yeah...lmao...the shyt I've been using since 1993, and from Target of all places...lmao....like you'd think I'd give a shyt about matching dinner ware and "church fans". Life is bigger than that Kola. Perception is key.
About my kids....here in America they are considered black (just ask your friend Halle --maybe you'll believe her) and I seriously doubt they'd ever entertain even the idea of moving Africa. So, I really don't give a shyt if you don't think they're "good enough" for you.
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Cynique
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Cynique
Post Number: 1522
Registered: 01-2004
Rating:
Votes: 2 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, October 10, 2004 - 02:18 pm: |
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Woman are such romanticists, and they emotionally cling to all of the traditions and lofty ideals of how marriage should be. But it is my opinion that the most a wife can hope for is that her husband will love and respect her. And it is possible for him to do this by exercising discretion and continuing to take care of business at home should he, on some occasion, surrender to the primal intinct to stray. For a woman to expect a man to make her the center of his universe and to regard her as the epitome of all of his dreams and the answer to all of his prayers is wishful thinking. Moreoever, to love a man is not to possess him. Commitment is a beautiful thing when it's voluntary, but when it becomes a chore and something contrary to one's nature then it can unravel. At the core of any woman who has been cheated upon is a devasted ego, the indignation over the knowledge that her mate was not completely and absolutely fulfilled by HER! This "sin" is called a betrayal of trust, but it is also a blow to self-esteem. Rejection is a bitch and accompanied by the green-eyed monster of jealousy can really ignite irrationality. But the wound of rejection can be neutralized by the balm of indifference, because rejecting the rejector often produces surprising results. By not giving her identity away to a man, by not investing the totality of herself into a relationship and by not being enslaved by motherhood, a woman can develop the confidence to appreciate how superior it makes her feel to attribute her busted mate's "descent into doghood" as the nature of the beast and, by doing so, she might just inspire the admiration that revives his faithfulness. If not, then fuck it. By then, if she's truly her own woman, she will have probably lost interest in the bastard who wasn't that great in bed anyway.*
*Note: those desiring to rebut these theories should be advised that they are from the handbook of a cynic. They should also be reminded that this is the year of 2004. |
Kola_boof
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Kola_boof
Post Number: 121
Registered: 07-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, October 10, 2004 - 02:22 pm: |
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Moon...I'm not going to let this escalate to a fight now that LAMBD has pointed out that I've been being mean to people, which is honestly not my intention when I'm being HONEST.
My point is that just because you and I are considerably different women from opposite circumstances...our being different doesn't make one more stupid than the other or validate the standards of either over the other. I kept trying to point out my appreciation of the "duality" In my life as a woman raised in BOTH cultures.
I just don't take advice from you all that well because you're WHITE and arrogantly petulant (as I am black and arrogantly petulant) and I don't ....ADMIRE....anything about white women. Especially the American ones.
I have nothing further.
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Kola_boof
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Kola_boof
Post Number: 122
Registered: 07-2004
Rating:
Votes: 1 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, October 10, 2004 - 02:32 pm: |
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Cynique...you said EVERYTHING that I have EVER wanted to say.
That is really exactly how I feel about it, but you summarized it in a single Dead-on paragraph.
And that is why I have to say again...I have done VERY WELL with men in my life, because my expectations were pretty much just how you described and my loyalty was always to myself and my womb.
If I met dogs, I became a bitch and had outlandish fun with those dogs.
If I met terrorists or white racists--I humbled myself and did whatever was necessary to survive and never expected that those men OWED me.
When I met suckers....I licked them and got my trinkets.
When I met men like ABM--I appreciated their brilliance and loved them for what we had in common, which was more than what we disagreed on. I took that friendship and accepted it for what it was and accepted WHATEVER THEY WERE OFFERING, understanding that it was ALL they had to give and nothing personal against me.
When I met a great guy like Thomas, I became a great wife/partner to him and devoted myself--because he deserved it. My expectations were reasonable, because accepted that he's a sexist and will probably never change. And I learned to LOVE and accept LOVE because of his greatness.
When I suffered in my pregnancies, I did what made ME feel comfortable and relaxed in the situation.
You're totally right. And what you wrote was so wise and beautiful that I'm going to seal it in an email and save it to read from time to time and to send to other women...who are trying to understand these complexities we're struggling with in dealing with men.
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Kola_boof
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Kola_boof
Post Number: 123
Registered: 07-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, October 10, 2004 - 02:34 pm: |
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LET US ALL APPRECIATE...WHAT CYNIQUE WROTE:
Women are such romanticists, and they emotionally cling to all of the traditions and lofty ideals of how marriage should be. But it is my opinion that the most a wife can hope for is that her husband will love and respect her. And it is possible for him to do this by exercising discretion and continuing to take care of business at home should he, on some occasion, surrender to the primal intinct to stray. For a woman to expect a man to make her the center of his universe and to regard her as the epitome of all of his dreams and the answer to all of his prayers is wishful thinking. Moreoever, to love a man is not to possess him. Commitment is a beautiful thing when it's voluntary, but when it becomes a chore and something contrary to one's nature then it can unravel. At the core of any woman who has been cheated upon is a devasted ego, the indignation over the knowledge that her mate was not completely and absolutely fulfilled by HER! This "sin" is called a betrayal of trust, but it is also a blow to self-esteem. Rejection is a bitch and accompanied by the green-eyed monster of jealousy can really ignite irrationality. But the wound of rejection can be neutralized by the balm of indifference, because rejecting the rejector often produces surprising results. By not giving her identity away to a man, by not investing the totality of herself into a relationship and by not being enslaved by motherhood, a woman can develop the confidence to appreciate how superior it makes her feel to attribute her busted mate's "descent into doghood" as the nature of the beast and, by doing so, she might just inspire the admiration that revives his faithfulness. If not, then fuck it. By then, if she's truly her own woman, she will have probably lost interest in the bastard who wasn't that great in bed anyway.*
*Note: those desiring to rebut these theories should be advised that they are from the handbook of a cynic. They should also be reminded that this is the year of 2004.
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Lambd
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Lambd
Post Number: 623
Registered: 01-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, October 10, 2004 - 02:36 pm: |
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Just make sure when you seal that email that you give Cynique the credit for authorship!
Not saying that you would do anything different, but you are from Anacostia. I wouldn't want you to have any fiendish thoughts of reverting to your ghetto beginnings. LOL!! |
Kola_boof
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Kola_boof
Post Number: 126
Registered: 07-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, October 10, 2004 - 03:04 pm: |
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LAMBD, I'll even put her REAL NAME on it.
And just remember, LAMBD, that my parents IN ANACOSTIA raised 8 kids....including a Black Brain Surgeon, a novelist, poet, activist (ME), a Pediatrican, a t.v. weather lady and an airport geologist.
So....good riches can come from the GHETTO...if the parents stay together and RAISE their children.
I'm proud to be from the GHETTO and I love Anacostia with all my heart.
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Moonsigns
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Moonsigns
Post Number: 323
Registered: 07-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, October 10, 2004 - 03:04 pm: |
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Cynique,
Right on, I agree with everything you wrote! |
Moonsigns
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Moonsigns
Post Number: 324
Registered: 07-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, October 10, 2004 - 03:08 pm: |
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Kola,
We feel the same about one another.
cheers.
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Cynique
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Cynique
Post Number: 1524
Registered: 01-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, October 10, 2004 - 03:55 pm: |
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Hummm. No rebuttals, Kola and Moonsigns? I'm losing my touch. I thought sure I would be chided for besmirching the sanctity of marriage. Maybe a-womon will speak up. She's still young and fesity enough to believe that you can make a man toe the line. |
Moonsigns
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Moonsigns
Post Number: 325
Registered: 07-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, October 10, 2004 - 04:24 pm: |
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Cynique,
"Moreover, to love a man is not to possess him."
I think your statement sums up how I feel. It is the thing that I believe most women just don't get.
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A_womon
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: A_womon
Post Number: 935
Registered: 05-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, October 10, 2004 - 06:31 pm: |
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Nope cynique, no rebuttal from me. Im YOUNG FREE CHILDLESS OVER 21 and I am having too much fun being single to be worried about the things that the old adult mortgage paying man problem having chick(s) on this board do over men!
But I'll let alla yall know in the future if any of your man blues become mine...NAH!!!! never happen!! HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! |
Abm
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Abm
Post Number: 1650
Registered: 04-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, October 10, 2004 - 11:52 pm: |
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A_womon,
I know you're young. But if you ever intend to marry. And you meet THE guy, marry him as quickly as you can coax him into asking you. Or, Hell!, ask him, if you must.
Because I know it doesn't seem like it now. But the freewheeling dealing will get stale, you'll notice you are not quite as 'cute' as you used to be and the choice suitors will quickly thin to a trickle.
So don't let some fallacious notions about when one should marry preempt your finding happiness.
Now if you DON'T intend to marry, then you can party to your "rack" drops. (hehe!) |
A_womon
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: A_womon
Post Number: 937
Registered: 05-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, October 11, 2004 - 09:14 am: |
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ABM
WHAT THE F**K EVER!!! What makes you think that I'm not happy now??? AND I'm sure you know that some women just get better with time! How do you know I won't be one of those? My mother was STILL very beautiful when she passed away! So what's ya point?
Trust me, I'm having BIG FUN and I aint EVEN thinking about MARRIAGE RIGHT NOW!
PEACE OUT! |
Abm
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Abm
Post Number: 1651
Registered: 04-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, October 11, 2004 - 09:33 am: |
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A_womon,
Perhaps you missed the gist of what I was trying to say. Or maybe I was unclear.
But...'whatever'.
Because I should know by now that misunderstanding and disagreement between us is as likely as it is inevitable. So I'll abstain from going further.
ENJOY yourself! |
Lambd
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Lambd
Post Number: 628
Registered: 01-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, October 11, 2004 - 09:41 am: |
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I'm old as dirt, A_woman, hell Noah used to work for me when he was a teenager. I aint thinking about marriage either. Never have and I'm plenty happy. Of course the young girls don't holler half as much as they used to but that's cool. I've learned to enjoy the amall, quiet pleasures in life. Like going to movies without interruptions, and reading alot more than I used to, (which was alot to begin with). Its too late to grow old with someone because I already have one foot in the grave and the other is firmly set on a banana peel. However, I enjoy the fact that I can still take my own teeth out and clean them properly. I can still make it to the john on my own. (just in the nick of time most often) And I've learned that food aint so bad when it's blended and sucked through a straw first. I don't bother dying my gray hair because I don't have anyone to impress. Nor do I need anyone, dammit! Now bugger off! It's time for me to take my pill...or did I take it already?...Ohh never mind...What was I saying?...forget it! |
Kola_boof
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Kola_boof
Post Number: 133
Registered: 07-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, October 11, 2004 - 11:45 am: |
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A_WOMON:
Lambd's ass is lying.
He's a big chocolate LUMBER-JACK with a smile from the planet ISIS and eyes as dark and shimmering as the Indian Ocean.
Girl...HIIZZZZZZ hands!!!!
I could LOOOOVE a man like Lambd, and I think you'd be perfect for him A_Womon.
Just like ABM....he plays this role that he's a sexist pussy chaser, but trust me....also like ABM....he has a heart of gold.
Bad boys are worth it when they have a conscious, plenty of heart and plenty of intellect like these men do. Don't let ABM and Lambd fool you.
You would ADORE both these men in real life. They just act like pussy chasers on this board, but they're baby boys who need a good feeding and lots of tender lov'n care is all.
I could wrap either one of them around my soup spoon like.....***SNaps finger***......that.
And A_WOMON....sorry to hear your mom passed away, angel eyes.
You're a smart, sassy little thing and I'm sure she's so proud.
And you're sweet, too.
Don't ever let these men out here take your sweetness. That's the HARDEST PART about being a black women in the United States....protecting and maintaining that sweet part. Because when you get OLDER like Kola...you'll need that sweet part for your own comfort.
Stay sweet and KNOW that you're a princess.
>>>I'm going to have to leave the board very soon...and that's why I'm becoming so emotional.
If they should ever mention me in the future...please say something kind about old Kola.
Don't let it all be bad.
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A_womon
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: A_womon
Post Number: 939
Registered: 05-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, October 11, 2004 - 12:27 pm: |
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AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW Kola that was sweet! Thank you!
(Except the part about Lambd! I can't think of him THAT way! He's more like a Big Brother!) tee hee
Where you going?
ABM: Sorry, I was so harsh! I just get so damn defensive sometimes!! you know we cool tho!! |
Cynique
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Cynique
Post Number: 1528
Registered: 01-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, October 11, 2004 - 12:29 pm: |
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Glad to observe, a-womon, that you are not brainwashed into thinking that your goal in life should be to find a man to marry and have kids with. Enjoy your freedom and independence and if it's good to you, then remain single. (There are worse things that could happen to you.) |
A_womon
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: A_womon
Post Number: 940
Registered: 05-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, October 11, 2004 - 12:36 pm: |
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I know that's right Cynique! Thanks! |
Cynique
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Cynique
Post Number: 1529
Registered: 01-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, October 11, 2004 - 12:38 pm: |
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Abm, you've suddenly become very concilliatory. Did somebody castrate you??? |
Abm
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Abm
Post Number: 1657
Registered: 04-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, October 12, 2004 - 12:36 pm: |
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Cynique,
HAHA!
Now, that would not be wishful thinking on your part? Would it?
Naw. The gear still's here, Thrilla. I checked (you can too, if you warm your hands first <wink!>).
Lately, I have been thinking perhaps I should be more appreciate of and polite towards views that differ from those of my own.
For instance, I agree that women (and men) should not book ALL their dreams/desires on the fable of matrimony. Yes. I DO believe marriage is perhaps civilization's most vital institution. Still, I concede it may not be for for ALL to indulge.
I know a lot of single/lonesome +35 year old women who expressed "I don't need no man!" sentiments when they were in their 20's. But I also know a lot of unhappy wives/mothers too.
So I have come to the realization that many, if not most, women are inclined to be unhappy irrespective of the quantity/quality of their relationships with men. |
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