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A_womon
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: A_womon
Post Number: 394
Registered: 05-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, August 01, 2004 - 03:58 am: | 
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Sometimes, I have nightmares. Really bad ones. I wake up and my heart is pounding and sometimes I just break down and cry from them....
Most of the time I just wake up though, scared, not remembering the dreams, but I can't get back to sleep.
I hope I haven't crossed a line here. A wise person once advised me not to get too personal with this board. |
Abm
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Abm
Post Number: 614
Registered: 04-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, August 01, 2004 - 01:13 pm: |
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A_womon,
I am sorry to see that you are struggling like that, my sister.
Of course our dreams are often reflextive of our mental/emotional state. Perhaps a counselor can help you to uncover and sort thru some things that are causing your distress.
And how and what have you been eating lately?
I find that if I eat something that 'challenges' my digestive system within a couple of hours before I retire for the night, I will often have nightmares.
Perhaps a healthy modification to your nutritional intake will help relieve your of your nocturnal troubles. |
Lambd
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Lambd
Post Number: 270
Registered: 01-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, August 01, 2004 - 01:27 pm: |
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I have a recurring nightmare. I am in a very small house. As I walk through the house I go through doors. Each door opens to a room that is smaller than the previous one. This continues until I get to the final door that I have to climb through on my hands and knees. Inside this room is a massive elephant that proceeds to stomp on my head with his giant foot. Then I wake up in a profuse, cold sweat. I've been having this dream for years. That's why alot of my poetry is written at night. It takes awhile for me to get back to sleep once I've had the dream so I use that time to write. A_woman, would you like to have that dream once or twice a month for four decades? It's in color. You can hear the elephant in surround sound when you open the last door...and then sudden silence and darkness. |
A_womon
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: A_womon
Post Number: 395
Registered: 05-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, August 01, 2004 - 01:51 pm: |
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Oh my god Lambd! You are truly my brother in spirit, because I have a nightmare about doors...
I am in a hallway and there are doors lining each side, and a door in front of me, when I step through the first door, it immediately slams shut and locks behind me, and there is another door that is immediately in front of me and I open it and step through it, and it slams and locks, this goes on until I get to the end of the hall and then at the last door that I'm facing is closed and locked and I know I have to get it open and trying to open it I get scared and pound on it and kick it, and then the other doors that lined the hallway start to open and whatever is on the other side makes me panic and I wake up really afraid...... I have been having this one for a few years now....this is mild compared to others.
You know in your dream maybe the doors are choices you make and the elephant is something that is trying to keep your creativity from flowing to the maximum that it could???? You are really talented and I don't see why you haven't published something by now...So maybe it has to do with that dream.
Look at me will you? Trying to tell you about your dreams when mine are giving me fits. 
But thank you for your concern and for letting me know that I'm not the only one having nightmares. |
A_womon
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: A_womon
Post Number: 396
Registered: 05-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, August 01, 2004 - 01:57 pm: |
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Thank you abm. Maybe a counselor wouldn't be a bad idea...though I sometimes think that my nightmares are a result of watching my mother and my sister who was only a few of years older than me (25 when she passed on) struggle with and die of cancer.
My sister was very brave I didn't even know that she was that strong too have been so young. And my mother was strong too, however my sister's cancer was more aggressive and rare and so we lost her a year after my mother. |
Cynique
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Cynique
Post Number: 932
Registered: 01-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, August 01, 2004 - 02:26 pm: |
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The recurring dream I have could be considered a nightmare. Like so many people, I regularly dream that I can fly. By the sheer force of my will, I make myself rise from the ground, and once I reach the trees tops, I work my arms in order to propel myself forward. I make a little headway, go a short distance, but before I long I slowly drift back to earth. |
Cynique
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Cynique
Post Number: 933
Registered: 01-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, August 01, 2004 - 02:37 pm: |
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Your nightmare definitely sounds symbolic to me, a_womon, the manisfestation of a deep-seeded fear that is related to the tragic demise of your family members.
To lose a mother and a sister who was so young has to take its toll on one's psyche. Stay strong, my dear. |
Lambd
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Lambd
Post Number: 273
Registered: 01-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, August 01, 2004 - 02:55 pm: |
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That has got to be ruff. Two within a year. You have come a long way on your journey. Your messages are always strong ones. Like C-neek, I will say keep it up, Awoman.
C-neek, often I dream of flying. It is so realistic. Only I don't use my arms to propel myself forward. Like you, sheer will lifts me from the ground and I soar swiftly above the treetops. Its a great feeling. However, it ends before I am ready to return to earth. I can never seem to 'stay up' as long as I want...Shut up Abm!! Don't even think it! |
A_womon
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: A_womon
Post Number: 398
Registered: 05-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, August 01, 2004 - 07:23 pm: |
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hey cyn,
Thanks for the encouraging words!! It aint always this bad...I kinda feel stupid now for spillin my guts here. You know I just woke up and came here and it just kinda overflowed ya know?
Thanks yall for "listening". |
Sisg
AALBC .com Platinum Poster
Username: Sisg
Post Number: 82
Registered: 01-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, August 01, 2004 - 07:24 pm: |
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Dreams and nightmares are as much apart of my life as living and breathing. I too suffer from reoccuring nightmares since childhood, and then new ones have developed since adulthood. The scariest, is the one of a house, with many rooms, that I know by heart. But there is one room I loathe to enter, bc it houses such evil, and that which cries out to me...what is this presence? I don't know, but I know the only way to rid myself of it, is to pray, and this all that I do. The other one is much like yours, Awomon, where I am running, hiding from something or someone...I climb through attic doors, have secret hideaways, stairs that change, doors that open and then close, all to escape something or someone. It's funny how I always end up in the same place, safe. Sometimes I die in my dreams, always by a bullet to the head, damn what's that all about, but even when that happens, I always pray, one last prayer, asking for forgiveness, because no matter where I'm at, I don't want to return to the hell I left. I love to fly in my dreams, oh if I could soar like that....I would have no worries, no limitations. It's a beautiful thing for me, as well as the one where I'm traveling down a raging river, the surroundings are grey, icy, snow everywhere, but I'm at peace, because I'm moving and the world is moving with me. No, i'm no stranger to nightmares or vivid dreams, i embrace them and try to understand, because somebody or something is trying to tell me something...and I'm ready to listen. |
A_womon
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: A_womon
Post Number: 399
Registered: 05-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, August 01, 2004 - 07:31 pm: |
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Thanks Sisg for sharing that, Im crying because that's one thing I don't do is pray and I know that I should maybe then I could understand and find some of the peace that you seem to have about the nightmares...
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Sisg
AALBC .com Platinum Poster
Username: Sisg
Post Number: 83
Registered: 01-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, August 01, 2004 - 07:35 pm: |
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Oh, A_womon, I'm feeling you girl....when the devils on your back, only God can. Girl, pray, in your own way, i promise you it will help! I pray standing,sleeping, drinking (0kay, I aint perfect) but my heavenly father, spirit, knows that, okay. And he knows my heart. I truly wish you the best, now you got me cryin too! I do, wish you happiness in every way.
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A_womon
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: A_womon
Post Number: 400
Registered: 05-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, August 01, 2004 - 07:42 pm: |
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Thank you and please know that I wish you the same too. |
Sisg
AALBC .com Platinum Poster
Username: Sisg
Post Number: 84
Registered: 01-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, August 01, 2004 - 07:45 pm: |
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Thank you A_Womon, now pass the tissue. (smile) |
Lambd
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Lambd
Post Number: 274
Registered: 01-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, August 01, 2004 - 10:57 pm: |
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Y'all really trippin' me out. I just read this whole thread over again and it reminds me of what I've read about bad acid trips. What I've read about bad acid trips. I've never had a bad acid trip, personally. I only know from what I've read about bad trips...on acid. They can get pretty bad...the acid trips...I mean from what I've read...from books and stuff...okay, so how do I get out of this gracefully? Is it too late? Screw it! |
Moonsigns
Newbie Poster
Username: Moonsigns
Post Number: 20
Registered: 07-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, August 02, 2004 - 02:21 pm: |
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A_womon
Sorry to read this! I found two things interesting that you mentioned, the death of your mother and sister (sorry) and how you wake up with your heart "pounding" --it seems very similiar to symptoms of anxiety. You seem to have a very strong nature which is good, however, people who are also strong tend to internalize pain and stress. Having these nightmares could possilby be your body's way of handling the unreconciled grief/emotional stress/fear. You say you pray and I think that is of the upmost importance! I won't get too detailed, but I have experienced something very similiar. I would wake up almost in the same manner. I was so afraid by what I was dreaming that the fear paralyzed me emotionally. However, I have this one friend (very spiritual) who told me that as soon as I woke up like that to pray for revelation about my dreams and cast away the fear/spirits that were associated with them. That was a huge turning point for me.
I have no clue what your nutrition is like, but as vital as prayer is, so is a well-balanced diet. Consider these suggestions
* As much as you can, eat whole foods --foods in their natural state
* Limit refined sugar (packaged, fried foods)
* Walk 20-30 minutes a day, do Pilates, yoga or Tai Chi --heavy excercising for women can actually harm the adrenal glands and lead to thryoid/adrenal exhaustion
*Consider taking EFA's. Essentail fatty acids are unrefined oils. They are healthy oils that are good for everything you can imagine. Udo's Oil Blend is by far the best. It is in a 2 to 1 ratio, the omega 3's being higher than the omega 6's. For some more information of the importance and value of unrefined oils go to udoerasmus.com --btw, EFA's make hair shiny and skin absolutely glowing! Take one tablespoon for every 50 lbs. of body weight. My whole family takes this supplement!
* Consider a high quality B vitamin complex plus B12. The body needs to be replenished daily with B vitamins. SuperNutrition makes an excellent B complex, as does Garden Of Life.
* Consider taking a high quality multi-vit/mineral supplement
* Look into taking "green foods". Green foods are nutrient dense and essential for a healthy mind/body. They cleanse the body and take out heavy metals. Alfalfa, kamut, barley grass, wheat grass, kelp, and dulse are just a few green foods. Many health food stores carry these in capsule form.
* Get proper rest. The body does most of it's major repairing/cleansing from 9:00 pm until 1:00 am. If you stay up past 11:00 the adrenals have to go into overhaul (second wind) and that is extremely taxing on the entire system. If it is possible, try not to overstimulate the body at night. Use essential oil of lavender and infuse it in bath water, light some candles and relax. As the sun goes down our bodies natural melatonin rises to prepare us for sleep. Overstimulation by tv's, computers and unnatural light compete with our bodies desire for rest. Try drinking passion flower or chamomile tea with a bit (teaspoon) of raw honey. No meals 2-3 hours before bed. Again, the body working to digest will keep you awake/restless!
I have struggled with some of the same issues. I have gotten incredible relief from practicing these very simple principles. I hope this can be of some help to you and I pray you have peace!
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Abm
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Abm
Post Number: 615
Registered: 04-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, August 02, 2004 - 02:25 pm: |
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All,
I envy you all. It seems lately I rarely remember my dreams. My mother says that means I have been thinking and working too hard.
And I have not dreamt of flying since I was a kid. I miss that fantasy. And I wonder whether my no longer being able to enjoy that experience means I have lost some part of my being.
Sisg,
I know this sounds odd, but it is interesting that you have the ability to be 'die' in a dream. That is something I have never been able to do. Whenever my dream-self has been in deadly trouble, somehow I always manage to extricate myself for the situation, I am somehow rescued or I suddenly awaken just before that fatal moment occurs.
I admire your having the spiritual fortitude to be able to tolerate the notion of dying in a way that I apparently am not.
A_womon,
Sure ain't nuthin anyone can say to palliate your mourning over mother and sister. I would embarrass myself to even try. Perhaps the maturity and resilience you have earned from what you have had to endure can be used to embolden and quicken your esthetic endeavors.
But I'll pray that you continue to find the faith and support you need to continue to prevail.
And please know that the spirit of your departed love ones truly do live on thru you.
Lambd,
You are either a genius, a madman...or both. |
Bleekindigo
Regular Poster
Username: Bleekindigo
Post Number: 48
Registered: 06-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, August 02, 2004 - 02:52 pm: |
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A-Woman--your resilience is showing. Stay mighty. |
Bleekindigo
Regular Poster
Username: Bleekindigo
Post Number: 49
Registered: 06-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, August 02, 2004 - 03:05 pm: |
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Moonsigns-Your recommendations to A-Womon were very useful to me too. Thank You-
My Scarey Nights: I haven't had them lately, but when I do they are always the same:
Me falling asleep--then, me hearing little computerized beeping noises above me-(i sleep on my stomach--) --then, me struggling to wake and see what they are--then, me feeling pressure on my back, then, me being deftly afraid because i'm awake in my dream but I cannot open my eyes. I cannot escape the world of this, this dream... and then, in an instant--I am released and awake and panting and terrified.
Initially, I thought that maybe it was something in my home. But then, I moved twice and it followed me both places. Since then, i've convinced myself that it's my lack of sleep--my body fighting me to rest when I am trying to be up and about???
"I ALWAYS FEEL LIKE SOMEBODY'S WAAAATCHIN' MEEEEEEE" HA HA!! Rockwell-
Do you folks dream in color or black and white. I once overheard someone in a class say that they dreamt in color. |
Lambd
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Lambd
Post Number: 276
Registered: 01-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, August 02, 2004 - 06:00 pm: |
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I dream in color, but sometimes just black and white. I, too, had a dream where I died once. I dreamt that I was sleeping and someone stabbed me in the chest with a big ass knife. I felt the pain and then the pressure as I couldn't draw any air into my lungs. I tried to raise my arms, but even though I was awake, I couldn't move or open my eyes. I just laid there, crying in the dark with my eyes closed because I kept thinking of my kids. I felt like I was dead for hours before I noticed the sun shining through my eyelids. All of my dreams seem real when they are happening. Even when I know that I am dreaming. Even when they are in black and white. |
A_womon
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: A_womon
Post Number: 402
Registered: 05-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, August 02, 2004 - 06:18 pm: |
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bleek,moon, and abm,
Thank you all so much for your care and concern!! I really needed that! Much love here!!+
Moonsigns, whoa, that's alot of info to take in...but it sounds like good advice and I will try to include some of your suggestions in my daily routine...
I spoke with a friend on the phone last night and he was soooooooooo sweet to me! He told me that he thought that I was still greiving and that it was okay to cry.. when he said that to me I just broke into tears and I told him some things that I had just been holding inside and I didn't even know that I was. He was such a BIG comfort to me!!! He is a good friend and on some scary nights when I would call him, he would read to me until I fell asleep, his voice is so soothing and he is a great reader. I'm glad he's in my life.
Ok enough of this mushy stuff....I'm about to post in Thumper's world about my favorite subject..!!!!! |
Abm
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Abm
Post Number: 618
Registered: 04-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, August 02, 2004 - 07:12 pm: |
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A_womon,
I am happy that I can in a small way help.
My wife's father died decades ago when she was only a child. He, apparently, was in many ways a very special man.
She STILL mourns his passing. And she talks, cries and laughs about him all the time. He is so very much alive within our family, that my kids, who certainly have never met him, talk about him virtually in the present tense.
And you know what sadly ironic about that: I know more her father has been dead for over generation than I do my own father who is still alive. |
A_womon
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: A_womon
Post Number: 404
Registered: 05-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, August 02, 2004 - 08:17 pm: |
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Yes that is sad about your father abm........ |
Abm
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Abm
Post Number: 626
Registered: 04-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, August 03, 2004 - 12:34 pm: |
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A_womon,
Yeah. Well, we know where each other are. And if we could both get over our anger, stubborness and arrogance (traits I scored from him), we could work thru SOME of this stuff.
But I guess I can't help looking at things this way:
Dude, you were the one who bailed on me, not the reverse. So it is up to you to extend yourself to make things right. Otherwise, I have a family to take care of, so I don't have time to be kissing your wrinkly @$$. |
A_womon
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: A_womon
Post Number: 406
Registered: 05-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, August 03, 2004 - 01:47 pm: |
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Yes, but think of this: If he(or God forbid )you would pass away today, all of that ish that you THINK is important will be replaced with: I wish I would have....If I could just speak with him... Oh I should have.... |
Abm
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Abm
Post Number: 629
Registered: 04-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, August 03, 2004 - 01:55 pm: |
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A_womon,
I know. I think about that very thing alot, actually. Who knows...* |
Lambd
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Lambd
Post Number: 279
Registered: 01-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, August 03, 2004 - 02:33 pm: |
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Abm, me and my dad never got along. We were always at odds. When he died more than a decade ago, I didn't shed a tear. I used to visit his grave with my brothers or my children and I would always comfort them. Two years later I visited the grave alone and I balled like a newborn. Uncontrollable, heaving sobs. It seems now that I miss him more than ever. Everything he ever told me came true. All the advice that I used to blow off turned out to be lessons learned late. I hear shit coming out of my mouth to my daughters that sound incredibly like his wisdom. Before he died, I was like, "What a jerk!" Now I'm like, "What a great man!", "What a smart mentor". We had eight kids in a middle class three bedroom house. There were always cousins or neighbors or someone that wasn't part of the eight in the house eating and sleeping over. We were by no means rich. Yet, we always had more than enough food and fun. My dad was there for the whole stretch. Most of the time it didn't even look like a strain. When he was sick, one of his doctors asked my mom if he could read. My mom went home and got his portfolio and bought it back. She let the doc see this 400 pound book that held the life accomplishments of this broken down shell of a man. I had no idea my dad was so educated. I had no idea of the many things that he was in to. The many charitable organizations he belonged to. I didn't know that he taught a programming class at the college three nights a week. I didn't know he had stock in Nike and Cellular One before I even knew what those things were. I didn't know he even had a real estate license, or had a degree in agriculture. Agriculture? I didn't know he paid for that part of his education by playing basketball. How about the fact that he did a tour in Korea, or was a police commissioner at one time, or held an office with the PTA, or drove people to church, or picked up the cookies for the girl scouts every year, or owned cattle in West Virginia, or got another degree in computer science from Bowie State, and it goes on and on. Damn, I miss my Dad and I wish I had taken the time to get to know him better when he was alive.
He was always here, but I just didn't see him. There were times that he tried to reach out to me but I blew him off. What a jerk!!!!!!!! |
Abm
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Abm
Post Number: 631
Registered: 04-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, August 03, 2004 - 03:09 pm: |
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Lambd,
Thanks for sharing.
Obviously, our relationships with our fathers differ. And I wish I could fondly recall of my father what you can of yours. Frankly, I don’t have a scintilla of that familial history.
Dude left.
He hasn’t really earned or amassed much in the way of personal accomplishment. And even much of what he did or could have done good was obfuscated by his own duplicitous nature.
For instances, though he is not a pastor, he is VERY well-versed in scripture. So, on the rare occasion I would see him, he would wax on ad nauseum to me a very distorted, self-serving view of Christianity. And then he would, of course, summarily ‘do’ almost the antithesis to what he spoke of.
Well, because he was my dad and I so seldom saw him, I wanted to believe in everything he said/did. And for that reason, it is has taken all of my adult life for me to reconcile what and how to believe.
Moreover, he has never owned up to his duplicity. And almost every time I have tried to move our conversation beyond the weather and sports, to the point where we may be able to try to work thru things, he gets defensive, I get angry, he gets angry, and then the dialog quickly degenerates into loud, scornful, near violent fits of accusations and profanity.
That is the reason my I ignore him altogether.
PS: My wife and I have argued about this. Because she lost her father at a young age, she can’t imagine why I wouldn’t make every attempt to mend fences. |
Bleekindigo
Regular Poster
Username: Bleekindigo
Post Number: 50
Registered: 06-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, August 03, 2004 - 05:42 pm: |
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When I turned 12, my mother called me a bitch and I called myself a girl without a mother. Though I had to live with her, I never looked on her as my mother. From that day when I turned twelve and she renamed me--she continued to rename me--I went from bitch to slut, to whore, to bastard...
I grew into a healthy woman and she became a cancer ridden enigma.
I looked for answers. I didn't quite no how to ask the questions because well, she had never known quite how to answer.
I sat with her in hospital rooms and I sat with her at her death bed-always looking for something that explained why she had made my life so miserable. She smiled, smiles that were apologies, but that was not enough for me!
She died and I never got any questions answered.
Toward the end when she hurt the most, it was my name that she always called--even though the two of us were 18 hrs. away.
I was bitter when she was alive because she abandoned me. I was bitter when she died--because she abandoned me. Left me without answers.
I've recently accepted that folks have different ways of righting things. Different ways of trying to explain their duplicity, different ways of explaining why they were as they were and did as they did.
Sometimes it is their story--their life--period--that acts as the explanation.
As I learn about who my mother was, I feel less and less bitter. I accept her smiles and muted words in her eyes as the apologies that I knew they were. I accept that although I never got the answers or the apology that I wanted the way that I wanted them, i've begun to receive them and recognize that they were there and in the story of her life.
That lesson learned, my estranged father is trying to become a part of my life. I am trying to accept that though he has not said the things to me that I want to hear, no out loud acceptance of his wrong-doings--his attempt--2o years later speaks for itself.
So, abm, I think that in me thinking and writing all of this out loud I am trying to ask you if you are looking for a particular thing to come from your father in a particular way? If you think over the situation, are there times he's tried to say something about the situation in a way that you may not have recognized or didn't want to recognized?
Sometimes our sight is hurt and bitter tinted and so we see thru that and are unable to see/accept the possibilities or attempts the culprit makes.
Are you looking for things to happen a certain way abm--when you want them to happen or are you willing to allow things to just play themselves out? Do you have the patience to read in between the crooked lines or listen to what is being said in the "near violent fits of accusations and profanity?"
(rhetorical questions of course--not looking for answers-)
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Cynique
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Cynique
Post Number: 943
Registered: 01-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, August 03, 2004 - 06:53 pm: |
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These are some heat-rending testimonies. And certainly examples of how everyone who has a dysfunctional realtionship with a parent doesn't end up being an abuser or a serial killer. I am very proud of how all of you turned negatives into positives and made something of your lives. So, what can I say?? My father was very strong outspoken man. But, he could not only talk the talk, he could walk the walk. Needless to say, he was a hard act to follow. So how did this effect me?? It turned me into a castigating woman. It took me a few years to stop de-balling what I perceived to be weak men. I learned that nobody's perfect. Especially me. |
Cynique
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Cynique
Post Number: 944
Registered: 01-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, August 03, 2004 - 07:45 pm: |
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Not perfect is right! That should read HEART-rending testimonies, not heat-rendering ones. And "effect" should've been "affect." (I had to go answer the phone and I didn't get a chance to proof read my post.) |
Abm
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Abm
Post Number: 635
Registered: 04-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, August 04, 2004 - 02:40 am: |
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Bleekindigo/Cynique,
Thank you both for sharing some of the details of your familial dramas. It seems NONE of us escape our childhood 'unscathed'. Bleekindigo you must be especially sturdy to survive/thrive in spite your mother's revulsion and epithets.
I am not sure what I expect from him. And I even admit that part of me has grown quite inured in recounting what I perceive to be his many failings. The biggest problem I have had with him lately is he largely ignores my daughters even though they long and have sought to spend time with him.
But I suppose that even that is just an excuse for me to remain angry with him.
Cynique, it is interesting that you say your view of your father negatively affected your view of other men. Because my wife has often said the reason why she married me was because I reminded her a lot of her dad. |
A_womon
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: A_womon
Post Number: 407
Registered: 05-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, August 04, 2004 - 06:53 am: |
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Hey Bleek,
Are you a writer? I am Not being funny, but in your post to abm, your opening line was a good one for a book, actually I think it's excellent...
"When turned 12 , my mother called me a bitch and I called myself a girl without a mother..." wow! Sometimes great writers are born from great pain. |
Moonsigns
Newbie Poster
Username: Moonsigns
Post Number: 21
Registered: 07-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, August 04, 2004 - 11:17 am: |
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Bleek
I first read your post last night. I couldn't even respond --I felt speechless. Your grief is apparent, but so is your strength! Your ability to forgive is a testimony to the resilience and triumph of the human spirit! It is wonderful that you have gotten to a place in time where you are able to share your experience. It can help others heal. Your story touched me and is so moving! You're definitely a gifted writer! |
Abm
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Abm
Post Number: 636
Registered: 04-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, August 04, 2004 - 11:28 am: |
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Bleekindigo's opening line as the ring of a start of one of those profound and thrilling "road to self-discovery" novels or autobiographies. |
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