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Ferociouskitty
Veteran Poster
Username: Ferociouskitty
Post Number: 504
Registered: 02-2008
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Saturday, January 10, 2009 - 10:15 pm: | 
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Maybe the black woman who's committed to finding herself a husband in 52 weekss...
http://www.52weeks2findhim.com/
...should check this out:
http://blackgentlemen.com/10000.html
10,000 Good Black Men
It is a new year and I am sick and tired of my sisters dealing with men who do not appreciate them; myself included. Thus, I am on a quest. I am looking for 10,000 good black men to showcase on my new dating web site, Blackgentlemen.com, which will launch on Valentine's Day. Last year I had my official CLAIM YOUR PUSSY BACK DAY. Now I am having my official CLAIM YOUR DIGNITY BACK DAY on February 14th, 2009. I no longer want to see my beautiful sisters-of all races-struggling to find a decent man.
To assist you in the process, I plan to hand select the men who will initially grace the profile pages of Blackgentlemen.com. For more than a decade, I have answered advice mail from women and men who are looking for a real relationship; one free of drama and bullshit. So I want sincere men, men who really are searching for a good woman to settle down with. Not the type of men who are looking for online booty calls or to see how many women they can bed down within a given year.
Let me break down what a real man is for you all.
A real man is not controlled by his dick but his mind.
A real man not only respects women but also respects himself.
A real man sees the true beauty in a woman, even if she does not look like a movie star or model.
A real man is confident but not arrogant.
A real man is compassionate to the plight of others.
A real man does not spend a lot of time harping on what he does not want, but instead on what he desires.
A real man takes care of himself financially and does not expect a woman to wear the pants in the household.
A real man has ambitions and goals in life, and has a plan to achieve them.
A real man can appreciate the differences in people, instead of fearing and passing judgment on that which he does not understand.
A real man is not one who has had sex with a thousand different women but one who can make love to the same woman a thousand different ways.
In order to find these 10,000 good black men, I have set up a special email address for submissions. That's right. I said submissions. I am not going to allow any random man onto my site. You must submit a photo and not any photo either. A professional looking photo, preferably with a shirt and tie on. No cell phone camera pictures of your chest taken in the bathroom mirror. No pictures of you laying half-naked on the bed, with a bunch of clutter around you at that. No pictures of you and your boys at a club holding forties and posing in front of a spray painted backdrop of a Lexus. None of that.
You might think that I am tripping but I am only getting started. In addition, you must submit an essay of at least 200 words, telling me what kind of man you are and what type of woman you are looking for. It must be grammatically correct. Feel free to use your spell check or ask a friend to assist you but I will be looking for typos.
For the past several months, I have been perusing and even joined a few other dating web sites, which shall remain nameless. I did that in anticipation of opening my own site and have learned the things that I do and do not want on Blackgentlemen.com. A lot of the profiles are not only uninteresting but some are downright insulting. Not only the male profiles but many of the women as well. Let me say this. You can be the finest thing on the face of the earth-in your own mind-but that does not mean that everyone will want you. A dating web site is not meant only for you to select the people you would like to get to know better but they have to select you as well. Some people seem to lose sight of that fact.
Now I am going to keep the faith that I can actually find 10,000 good black men in a little over a month. It will be a daunting task because let's face it, there are a lot of pit bulls hopping in and out of beds Nationwide. There is not a prerequisite for a man to be overly attractive but he must have that swagger about him that women find appealing. I am searching for men of all ages, sizes, builds, heights, occupations, and from all over. They must be over the age of eighteen.
So men, if you feel you have what it takes to receive a complimentary three-month membership to Blackgentlemen.com, send your photo and essay to goodmen@blackgentlemen.com. If any of you women have brothers, cousins, fathers, sons, coworkers, etc., that you feel are good men who just need to find a good woman, feel free to entice them to submit their information.
All of this might sound crazy but I am serious. I refuse to start a dating web site and have women on there trying to select from the bottom of the dog pound. That is not fair and, like I said, I have endured that experience myself on other sites. I want the real deal. Are you it?
Blessings,
Zane |
Disciple724
Veteran Poster
Username: Disciple724
Post Number: 217
Registered: 07-2008
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, January 11, 2009 - 02:08 am: |
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I find it amazing that so many of these new age "take charge" women, are shock that they can find any "good men" to "submit" to their ill- concieved perception of what constitutes a good man.
I almost made the list but my typos got inthe way, DAMN! |
Disciple724
Veteran Poster
Username: Disciple724
Post Number: 218
Registered: 07-2008
Rating: 
Votes: 3 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, January 11, 2009 - 03:34 am: |
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"A real man is not one who has had sex with a thousand different women but one who can make love to the same woman a thousand different ways."
Where and how is he going to get that experience from? The truth be told love was once created and can no more be made, only mutually express.
The fact is too many women obsess about being the obsessive desire of men, and get extremely frustrated when they can't find one that fits the bill. Good men are not found they are attracted, drawn, and cultured the same way bad men are. The secret is in the bait and the fisher!
Unfortunatly, too many women are looking for the wrong qualities to define a good man and at the same time neglect to reprove the poor qualities about themselves. That's why they keep attracting bad men.
You did mention so good points on your list but I would question others. to wit:
"A real man does not spend a lot of time harping on what he does not want, but instead on what he desires."
It's interesting that you message does a fair amount of harping about what you don't want! And you should because that's how you refine a relationship. Still many woman do have such shallow self-esteem that they can handle the refinement-- truthful or otherwise. Some even chalk up poor diet and fitness as inner-beauty.
Still, of the relationships I've severed (only been cut once)none ended because she did not complete my desires or look a certain way, but all the other bitching and moaning about what I wasn't doing for her self-esteem, especially black woman. Despite this they are still my preference! I might add that every person is responsible for their own state of consciousness, with a helpful assist from time to time.
Concerning the ambitious planner. Would a non-degreed, civil servant whose job was to remove garbage, and whose only ambition was to raise a family wil love and respect qualify as being ambitious and well planned enough? Moreover, would the suit and tie, and well written essay give a true reflection of his loving inner nature?
When I was a young Wall Street professional my job reqired time that frequently compromised my marriage and family , yet my wife and kids would never even consider giving up the luxuries. Sadly, too much of their identities had become wrapped up in these things (I could easily do without them as I have often since then but other identity struggles took their places).
I'm afraid in you quest to find good candidates while eliminating the bad ones, you are going to throw most of the good ones away and post instead the refined charletans. You see many of us men have mastered the art of deception and the eye is the easiest of the senses to trick!
Good luck!
P.S. I purposefully left in the typos! |
Cynique
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Cynique
Post Number: 13283
Registered: 01-2004
Rating:
Votes: 1 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, January 11, 2009 - 12:06 pm: |
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Glad you ventured out from lurker territory to add your incisive comments to this subject, Disciple. I missed you.
The parallel orbits of the Venus and Mars entities were never more evident than the 2 views expressed by you and the female who issued this manisfesto which, as you noted, reads more a like a recipe for divergence than a formula for convergence
I have been a spectator to the battle of the sexes almost all of my life, fascinated by how even the heat of passion can't melt the polarization that eventually creates rifts in the terrain of a relationship.
It's been my observation that when a woman and a man hook up, what she seeks is to be loved for herself and what he wants is to be loved in spite of himself. Women want adoration; men want tolerance. Women want undivided attention, men want breathing room. The sentiment at the core of a romance is, indeed, love; self-love - an emotion that is driven by need. A need that has its origins in the inner child, - in the primitive hemisphere of the brain, a need that translates into the words "I matter." (a declaration that has both biological and psychological overtones.)
In the battle of the sexes, the ego turns out to be the enemy. The ego is what defines a person but when self-love trumps unconditional love, not only is the game over but it's hard to tell who the winner is. And so it goes... |
Ferociouskitty
Veteran Poster
Username: Ferociouskitty
Post Number: 505
Registered: 02-2008
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, January 11, 2009 - 02:00 pm: |
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I have been a spectator to the battle of the sexes almost all of my life, fascinated by how even the heat of passion can't melt the polarization that eventually creates rifts in the terrain of a relationship.
Cynique, I assume you are talking about men and women in general, but I've witnessed many discussions/debates/brawls, lol, that are premised on the idea that somehow black men and black women have monopoly on this polarization, or that we're more polarized, or that this polarization yields more dire consequences for black folks. What are your thoughts on that?
I keep coming back to the same conclusion: At the end of the day (if you're heterosexual), one man and one woman have to give each other the benefit of the doubt, a clean slate, and room to be human, for a relationship to work. Persistent polarization is the enemy of all that.
I've observed what you said about women wanting adoration and men wanting tolerance to be very true in a lot of cases. Unfortunately, the latter half of that equation has been misunderstood and/or misused on both sides. Some women misinterpret the man's desire for tolerance as a desire to run roughshod over her, carte blanche to do whatever without regard for her. Some men may interpret it to mean the same thing, but many/most (?) men just want to avoid being nagged. To wit: I just asked my boo if he agreed with the tolerance thing, and he said yes. His interpretation of what it means for a man: "Don't f-ing complain about every little thing!"
In my own current relationship, we had to talk about what that meant--tolerance and adoration--even though we didn't use those exact words. Thankfully, we have the experience of previous marriages to draw from; not ideal, but I'm glad we've both learned/are learning from our mistakes.
Honestly, I think the guys may have it easier with the adoration piece, with one exception. If a woman has big, unresolved Daddy Issues, no amount of adoration the guy offers will ever be enough. And in my unscientific observation, black women are more likely to have those issues than other groups of women. Dr. Perry? ;-) |
Ferociouskitty
Veteran Poster
Username: Ferociouskitty
Post Number: 506
Registered: 02-2008
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, January 11, 2009 - 02:10 pm: |
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I'm afraid in you quest to find good candidates while eliminating the bad ones, you are going to throw most of the good ones away and post instead the refined charletans. You see many of us men have mastered the art of deception and the eye is the easiest of the senses to trick! [emphasis mine]
"Refined charletans"...I am so stealing that, Disciple!
Last week, I looked at the discussion boards for the 52 Weeks lady, and it wasn't pretty. As of yesterday, there was a notice that said the boards were down until they could figure out a way to keep them from being taken over by the hecklers. I'm not sure if any "refined charletans" have applied yet, though. ;-) |
Disciple724
Veteran Poster
Username: Disciple724
Post Number: 219
Registered: 07-2008
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, January 11, 2009 - 04:23 pm: |
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Thanks Cyn,
Its good to be back.
We live in a culture that has evolved into many social-political-economic dynamics that shape how we see oursevles and our mates and how we are able to respond to them. These dynamics have a deep history as well as impact.
I have observed that white woman are adorn for their beauty,purity, motherly qualities, etc; often being made the standard of such. A white male for his strength, prosperity, and fatherly qualities. This is how they are often diplicted in the media, how we see them and how they see themselves, and this feeds into a certain reality.
Conversely, black woman are renown for her sexiness ( ability to give sexual favor and pleasures) and her sassiness ( ability to give lip). Even the black male's reputation is in his genitals, not his intellect nor heart. And this too becomes manifest.
For example; My wife despite being one of the most beautiful I ever saw ( and most that knew her expressed the same),would secretly disclose to me that she didn't feel beautiful (often spending considerale bucks trying to attain what she already had). Make no mistake, she knew she was "fine" judging from the male response; just not beuautiful.
Me, I always knew I had an exceptional intellect, but still society remained fixated on color often requiring that one jump through hoops which my dignity would never allow me to do. Still, I was able to overcome those obsticles, but I can emphathize when other blacks males fall short finacially. Most women are vot so understanding, which is what we crave much more than tolerance.
My heart was another matter. I was never comfortable expressing love and it compromised our relationship. Somehow I used to think that it would make me vulnerable.I would never allow myself to love her as much as she loved me. I'm sure this added to her anxieties (somehow woman can sense when your holding back). Now that she has passed, nothing could hurt as much as knowing that I held back on the great love that might have been. |
Cynique
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Cynique
Post Number: 13286
Registered: 01-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, January 11, 2009 - 10:07 pm: |
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Yes, Ferocious Kitty, I agree that black women and men do have special issues. Their role playing in a relationship differs from that of a white couple because brothas and sisahs are main characters in a different story-line, a plot that has its roots in slavery. Nuff said. |
Mochascafe
Veteran Poster
Username: Mochascafe
Post Number: 103
Registered: 08-2007
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, January 11, 2009 - 11:02 pm: |
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Ok, so I read through this post, several times and I get the concept and the idea but I am not feeling you on the process. But before I give my opinion, just to be sure let me make sure that I am understanding what you are trying to accomplish.
Providing an online forum where women can meet “good black men”. Ok.
My concern is not that there aren’t any good black men out there. Lord knows there are and lots of them. I have one and I know a few, the thing is, would they go online to find a serious relationship? Not the ones I know.
It’s just that online dating always seems to have some sort of deception behind it, like the person is hiding something. You never know what the persons problem may be, it just seems like there is an issue that they are trying to hide why people would tend to online date. I don’t know, an extra toe, a second toe, webbed hands, (I am being funny but you get my point)
Well why would I be so opinionated about it, I am not going to hide behind “a friend did it” or “I know someone who did it”. I am woman enough to say that “Hello My Name is Mochascafe”, [Hello Mochascafe] “And I have tried online dating”. Now I met several people online, and even had telephone conversations with a few but never quite got to the point where I was willing to meet someone….until there was Jack (of course name changed…mostly because I cant remember it) But I sure remember him….
So, Jack reached out to me and I took a look at his picture and profile. Hmmm, nice looking guy, nice smile and professional, he was a biochemist and a part time body builder, with medals to prove it (I saw it in his pictures). We had great conversation online for about 2 weeks and we eventually exchanged numbers. Three weeks after talking we decided to go ahead and meet. Apparently there was a movie being filmed outside of his house and we thought it would be a perfect opportunity to meet since I am into television and move production, not to mention that I knew the neighborhood that he lived in and I wanted to see if he really owned the Ferarri, Mercedes and Cadillac truck that I saw in the pictures that he sent to me. In the back of my mind I wondered, why would a guy like this be online looking for…whatever.
So the big day came, I went to his house, (in the afternoon) saw the cars parked in his driveway. He opened the door as I was coming out of my car to tell me that he has left the door open and he will join me downstairs in a minute. I walked inside the home, it was absolutely breathtaking. Artwork everywhere, huge theatre sound system and media center, brick walls, hardwood floors…..
And then he came down the stairs.
Now, I wondered why he was walking on his tip toes… the man was about 4 foot 9.
Ok, so I am not a hypocrite, this story begs the question of why then was I on an online dating site, what did I have to hide? Well the truth is I was lazy. It was convenient to do my hair, make up put on a fly outfit, take a picture and go out and meet the world. Who cares if in reality I was in a bathrobe eating bon bons and doritos while “dating” in the comfort of own my home. It was the lazy way out of actually going out, taking the time to get yourself together and actually have conversation with someone. Not only verbal, but using body language, actually engaging and connecting with someone.
This cannot happen online.
I understand what you are doing, and I am certainly not knocking it but I really don’t think that you will accomplish authentic connections using this medium.
By the way, I am not a gold digger, I was just using this story to relate that if it seems too good to be true, it is and mostly what we may deem important as far as “having it together” may not necessarily be the case.
Ill take a man who can hold his own with a Ford any day, as long as I can look UP into his eyes. |
Mochascafe
Veteran Poster
Username: Mochascafe
Post Number: 104
Registered: 08-2007
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, January 11, 2009 - 11:20 pm: |
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And also because I know that we have an authentic connection that goes beyond material. I can hold my own, as long as you can hold yours and we can build together, now thats a sure foundation |
Carey
AALBC .com Platinum Poster
Username: Carey
Post Number: 1497
Registered: 05-2004
Rating:
Votes: 1 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, January 12, 2009 - 12:02 am: |
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I was going to stay out of this one because I have strong opinions about dating services and I couldn't find a purpose to post my opinions but here I am. If the tables where turned and there was a submission call for women with all the same qualifiers, I would be leary of any women that even "thought" she qualified. Okay, the process (dating service) just seems to say I am needy. I know that's not always the case but doesn't it invite every slickster with a sign that says use me. Lets see 10,000 good men that can not find a good women. That's some Star Wars type shit. Only in another galaxy can that be true. I would say be careful what you ask for. Should I bust out a little Bill Wither, "Use me to do the thang......... |
Mochascafe
Veteran Poster
Username: Mochascafe
Post Number: 105
Registered: 08-2007
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, January 12, 2009 - 01:34 am: |
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Ditto Carey, my point exactly. You just cant do it online.... Sorry Zane, you are my girl and all but I just dont see it as AUTHENTICALLY possible.
You know I have much love for you though 
If I am wrong, school me! |
Carey
AALBC .com Platinum Poster
Username: Carey
Post Number: 1498
Registered: 05-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, January 12, 2009 - 07:07 am: |
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Chocolate Mint, I think I'll use that.
If I am wrong, school me, but the whole process looks like game to me.
Now, if anyone doesn't know what I mean by that ...well, game is to be sold and not told. |
A_womon
AALBC .com Platinum Poster
Username: A_womon
Post Number: 2493
Registered: 05-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, January 12, 2009 - 01:05 pm: |
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Now, I wondered why he was walking on his tip toes… the man was about 4 foot 9
LOL!!!! HAHAHHAHAHA!!! and all of that!!! That was waaaaaaaay funny MOCHA!
Can I use this is my next novel??? HAHAHHA!!!! |
A_womon
AALBC .com Platinum Poster
Username: A_womon
Post Number: 2494
Registered: 05-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, January 12, 2009 - 01:11 pm: |
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Well I think it's worth a shot. Some good men are just tired of the bar scene and trying to meet women there, can't get the blind date hook up from friends and is just burnt out looking! There are a lot of reasons a good man might not be able to find a good woman! And i would say that the reasons are similar for a good woman who can't find one and no Carey it does not alway spell desperate. Sometimes it spells sick and tired of these wanna be player out here! Scared to hook up and end up with AIDS type stuff!
Now this may or may not work, but having some sort of screening process sounds like and excellent idea to me.
don't knock it till you try it is my motto |
Yvettep
AALBC .com Platinum Poster
Username: Yvettep
Post Number: 3326
Registered: 01-2005
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, January 12, 2009 - 02:26 pm: |
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Here is a 107 year old woman searching for her first mate: http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20090112/wl_nm/us_china_bride_centenarian
..."I'm already 107 and I still haven't got married," the Chongqing Commercial Times quoted her saying. "What will happen if I don't hurry up and find a husband?"
Born in southern Guizhou province the child of a salt merchant, Wang grew up watching her uncles and other men scold and beat their wives and often found her aunt crying in the woodshed after an attack, the paper said.
"All the married people around there lived like that. Getting married was too frightening," she said of an era when Chinese women had few rights and low social standing.
Many also had their feet bound in an excruciating process aimed at making them look more dainty and marriageable.
After Wang's father, mother and older sister died, she still shied away from marriage. Instead she moved to the countryside and survived as a farmer until she was 74 years old and no longer strong enough to work in the fields, the report said.
Her nephew in the booming city of Chongqing then took Wang in, but she is worried he and her other nephews and nieces are too old to take care of her now even the youngest is 60.... |
Carey
AALBC .com Platinum Poster
Username: Carey
Post Number: 1502
Registered: 05-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, January 12, 2009 - 02:28 pm: |
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Again A_womon, be careful what you ask for. See, I am still not feeling this. You said that there are lots of reasons a good man might not be able to find a good woman. Well, the only 2 that you listed might be at the root of their problem. Looking for a good women via the bar scene and hook ups is like looking for a virgin in a Ho House. Yeah, using a service does not "always" spell desperate but it "always" smells like it.
"don't knock it till you try it is my motto"
Okay Ms. Ohio Diva, but I will tell you this. I don't have to get to the end of a ice covered slippery road to know that I might spinout and find myself in a ditch. Fools go where wise "women" tread not.
Of course those that advocate the good of using services, will seldom call themselves desparate. Truth be told, er'body that hits those digits or web site, knows what time it is. It's much like the women that said she did "it" only because she was drunk. You can fool some of the people some of the time but ......BUT it's hard fooling yourself ... It's called denial. Ouuuu Weeeeee, that's ugly but tough titty, somebody gotta suck it.
But hey, if you're looking for love on a two way street, "it's yo' thang, do what you want to do". |
Mochascafe
Veteran Poster
Username: Mochascafe
Post Number: 106
Registered: 08-2007
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, January 12, 2009 - 03:44 pm: |
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Hmmm, I dont know A_Woman, I have not met a person who this has really worked out for except for on the E Harmony commercials. Oh, I am lying I met one lady who says she met her husband on Black Planet a few years ago, but thats because they were both part of a group of aspiring authors and not necessarily looking for a date.
I guess it would also depend on what the screening process is. I guess this is supposed to be some kind of thing like the Ebony Bachelors issue where a committee of some kind will screen the applicants but here's the thing, if I am interested in someone that I see online, whats to say 50 other women arent contacting him as well. Doesnt it kind of give the man the edge and the woman waiting on the sidelines saying "Pick Me Pick Me!!!!" and appear...dare I say it...desperate?
The only reason I am knocking it, is cause I've tried it, it just does not seem realistic to me. I dont know if I would go as far as to say deparate it could be the case for some people but for me I know it was laziness. I wanted the easy way out. To meet people, without putting any extra effort into it. I quickly realized that life is not like that. If you want something good for your life like anything else you have to work at it. You cant say that you want to be in a relationship with someone or start dating and not put yourself in a position to meet quality people and give your self the opportunity to experience authentic connection, rejection or no connection at all. This is just not realistic online. Dont get me wrong, people put up all kinds of fronts when you meet them in person too. I think it was Chris Rock who said, "When you date someone, the first year they send their representative, the person who they would like you to see, after that year the real person shows up". But again, its a work in progress to whether you want to deal with that person or move on. How on earth can you do that online?
Also, I am never one who bought into the man shortage thing. If you are into basket weaving, go to a basketweaving conference, you may find a single man there. If you are into reading mysteries, join a mystery reading book club, hang out at a bookstore in the mystery section. There are so many ways to meet people other than the easy way out... Online.
That being said, Zane, maybe you could host a valentines day singles event where these same people are showcased with name tags? Perhaps a cocktail hour? I know that this is a little bit along the same lines but at least you could get professional people together in the same room who are interested in meeting someone who catches their eye and could really connect with.
Just a thought! |
Troy
AALBC .com Platinum Poster
Username: Troy
Post Number: 1649
Registered: 01-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, January 12, 2009 - 04:34 pm: |
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Cynique, I read one of your posts, sometime ago, lamenting Disciple724 absence. I now have a much better understanding why you felt that way.
-----------------
The last few weddings I attended involved couples who met online.
I think the software of dating sites allows you to cast a much larger net to be introduced more more people than you would ever have discovered on your own. I have no problem with it as a tool to find potentially compatible people.
I've never had the opportunity to take advanatge of these types of sites, but I have no problem with people that do.
However once you find that person on-line, you still have to go through the process of getting to know that person. The "old fashioned" way of doing this is best and takes some time.
I have a buddy who dated several people met via online sites. One day an elderly Chinese woman misrepresented herself as a Black woman. He did not discover this until they actually met on a date.
The main problem with these sites is that people lie. But people lie in the physcial world too.
If these sites included an individual's credit score, medical history (including actual height, weight, body fat, etc), family dysfunction, relgious beliefs, school transcripts, police record, and work history now THAT would really help. Seriously. |
Cynique
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Cynique
Post Number: 13292
Registered: 01-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, January 12, 2009 - 05:06 pm: |
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Since I am a widow, just for the fun of it, I sometimes troll the on-line dating sites and because the idea of hooking up with an old geezer my age is a turn-off, I check out the guys in their 40s and 50s and, boy, am I tempted to create a jazzy chick to correspond with some of them. I would be very vague about my age but would confess that I was a "cougar" on the prowl.
Over the years I have learned with the aid and assistance of skllfully applied make-up and flattering wigs and wardrobe tricks to knock about 15 years off my age, something which has been confirmed by people who meet me for the first time. Ah, vanity! But I don't think I could carry through on my impulses in regard to a blind date with a "boy-toy" because I couldn't get through a romantic evening without crackin up laughing at the whole ludicrous situation especially if the guy has given a misleading description of himself. And always a little voice would be whispering in my ear, "Nana, is that YOU?" 
What do they say? "Idle time is the playground of the devil!"  |
Ferociouskitty
Veteran Poster
Username: Ferociouskitty
Post Number: 512
Registered: 02-2008
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, January 12, 2009 - 05:22 pm: |
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LOL @ Cynique the Cougar...
I met my boyfriend of 2+ years online, and my ex-husband met his fiancee online as well. I know quite a few long-term and married couples who met online.
Online dating works as well as face-to-face, in my experience. People lie in both arenas. You have to use good judgment in both arenas.
The biggest difference for me was that with online dating you are hit with potentially thousands of dating prospects all at once that you have to sift through. Imagine being at a party and having a thousand guys come at you all at once. Uh...hmm, there's a name for that kind of party, lol.
If you do take away the desperate/"I need a man" angle, it can be quite fun. I have a million stories to tell from my experience that are so good, many people wouldn't believe they aren't fiction.
Mocha, I ran into a 4' 9" dude online too, but he wasn't your chemist (unless the joker lied to one of us about his profession, lol). We never met face to face, though. I won't lie--once I saw his pic, I knew I wasn't interested, but he really wanted to "at least talk on the phone." In hindsight (an in fairness) I should have continued to refuse, but for sh*ts and giggles and because I did not want to admit how shallow I was, I agreed to talk. Why did this dude try to have phone sex in the first conversation...and then have the nerve on top of that, to have emphysema or some other lung problem that made him a raspy, heavy-difficult-breather??? Not cute.
Like I said, a million, hilarious stories... |
A_womon
AALBC .com Platinum Poster
Username: A_womon
Post Number: 2496
Registered: 05-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, January 12, 2009 - 06:16 pm: |
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Yeah Carey you just nasty so you think nasty thoughts, but I don't believe that people online are desperate no matter what you say, for the most part.
I hear you Mocha, but some people swear it's the new wave of dating, and like you pointed out, you don't have to leave home or dress up to flirt and chat.
My thing is I haven't tried it yet, cuz I would be thinking yeah ok I met a guy I really like online and he likes me. What happens if we have an argument?Do I feel like to hell with him. "F" this Imma just go back online click on one of those other guy's profile. I mean what would make me or the man try when there are so many other options?
That's the flip side. It's too easy not to have to work on a relationship. |
Carey
AALBC .com Platinum Poster
Username: Carey
Post Number: 1508
Registered: 05-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, January 12, 2009 - 06:57 pm: |
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Stop it A_womon, don't be throwing my business in the street *lol*.
But I'll tell you what. I have your best interest at heart and trying to save you some money and frustration. You have my picture, ring me up and I'll talk nasty to you . Hey, Kitty said she did it (not to me) and she has great memories. Now check game, she didn't say how long she stayed on the line or if she ever talked to him again *lol*.
Talking about the flip side, you could like it and find love ever after.
To the tune of the Jackson's ABC:
A_womon just call call me.
It's easy as 1-2-3
ring-ring and we will see
If we can make, ba-a-bies
Yo ear is my-I-sea
To drop some pleasantries
You said am na-a-sty
I love a fre-e-ek
Don't pla-a-a
You like it just this way
So, come-on-girl
Lets go for a swirl
It's you and me
No one will see
It's easy as 1-2-3
The cost is free-e-e
Nasty I'll be, it's free
Holla!
Holla! |
Abm
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Abm
Post Number: 10249
Registered: 04-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, January 13, 2009 - 05:04 pm: |
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"Last year I had my official CLAIM YOUR PUSSY BACK DAY"
Dayam. I really HATE I missed seeing how THAT particular DAY went down! |
Mochascafe
Veteran Poster
Username: Mochascafe
Post Number: 108
Registered: 08-2007
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, January 13, 2009 - 08:20 pm: |
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LMAO Abm, RFLMAO!!!!! |
Cynique
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Cynique
Post Number: 13299
Registered: 01-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, January 13, 2009 - 10:25 pm: |
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So much for the old notion that if you feed a cat, it's yours for life. Meoooow, |
Abm
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Abm
Post Number: 10254
Registered: 04-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, January 14, 2009 - 02:22 pm: |
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Mochascafe,
I can’t help but CTFU at the visual of women struggling to get their pussys back, especially when the pussys are hissing and clawing back at sistas because their pussys would rather stay where they are.
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! |
Ntfs_encryption
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Ntfs_encryption
Post Number: 3520
Registered: 10-2005
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Saturday, January 17, 2009 - 05:11 pm: |
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”Yeah Carey you just nasty so you think nasty thoughts,…..”
True. Bro Carey has been unabashed about this….
”….but I don't believe that people online are desperate no matter what you say, for the most part.”
This is also true. I did it more than ten years ago for fun because I could not believe the profiles and personal ads I was reading in the Reader weekly. So, one day at work, on a lunch break, I submitted an ad to see what would happen. Wow! Back then, you could meet a whole lotta women! I was shocked. But it is totally different now. It was more unrestricted and fun back then. Whatever happened happened. I liked that.
”I hear you Mocha, but some people swear it's the new wave of dating, and like you pointed out, you don't have to leave home or dress up to flirt and chat.”
True once again. I know of a number of women who have done it. It’s hit and miss just like anything else. But it is fun.
”My thing is I haven't tried it yet, cuz I would be thinking yeah ok I met a guy I really like online and he likes me. What happens if we have an argument?”
Well, it’s like meeting a guy at a coffee shop, the mall, in the parking lot or in line at the grocery store. You hook up and if he says something disagreeable, well, it’s up to you to correct the offense right then and there or let it slide and see what else follows.
”Do I feel like to hell with him. "F" this Imma just go back online click on one of those other guy's profile.”
If the offense is irreconcilable or you can’t get past it, I guess it’s back to the key board. Ha! Ha! Ha!
”I mean what would make me or the man try when there are so many other options?”
Depends if you really like the guy or if you are willing to over look what he said or did. How would it differ from a blind date or a guy you just recently met and you are feeling each other out? It’s a judgment call. Doesn’t matter where ya met him. IMO…..
”That's the flip side. It's too easy not to have to work on a relationship.”
Naw, it’s not easy. Relationships are hard and you have to be committed to seeing them through (once again –a judgment call). Doesn’t matter if it is a cyber hook up or a guy you met at a happy hour. You’re still going to face the same obstacles and intricacies of a developing relationship. |
Carey
AALBC .com Platinum Poster
Username: Carey
Post Number: 1533
Registered: 05-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Saturday, January 17, 2009 - 06:10 pm: |
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Nasty is what nasty does. One mans garbage is another's treasure.
If talking about the pitfalls of online dating is nasty, than I am a nasty mf'er.
Let's be real. A small percentage of individuals do this thang with blinders on. And, oh buddy, there are all kinds of snakes and bottom feeders up in there. Don't get me wrong, I know some don't want to be given the title of desparate but I know I've questioned what type of women needs to date on line. But let's make something else perfectly clear. Women can be some low down sinister dick hunters as well. Come on now, lets not pretend that only men wear snake suits.
So, it's apparent that there are many reasons and purpose behind why people use dating services. Personally I am left with the immediate thought of what's wrong with this women that would make her seek the assistance of a service, to help her find a mate. Now again, the reasons are many, so I am just speakin' for myself.
I think you will agree that a dating service is a perfect place to "play" if a person was into using lonely and insecure individuals. Hell, if I liked doing dope, I'd go to a dope house. If I liked working out, I'd go to a gym. Conversely, if I liked getting my freak on with women that has already stated they are open for adventure, I am hitting the dating sites. I just know there are all types of motives behind signing up with a service just like there are many motives behind developing any relationship. Shit, there are f**k buddies and lonely housewives. There are adventure freaks and gold diggers. Ther are ugly people with good typing skills. If there is any truth to the belief that beauty is only skin deep than a relationship that is developed on-line could good prove to be an advantage.
When it is all said and done I think it all boils down to purpose and direction. I think a person has to really understand what they are looking for and how they intend to aquire it.
I think the proof is in the pudding. If you've tried it and liked it, then, hey, do you. But I doubt if many will really tell their deepest reasoning for doing so. Who is going to stand up and say that I am ugly and boring yet want to be loved? Who is going to say I was desparate and only signed up to get my freak on? Who is going to say I found a way to support myself by servicing women or men?
Yeah, people are quick to say they know people that have found love. But who really is courageous enough to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth?
As I've said before, I still believe this whole thang (first post), is nothing but "game".
On another note, if a person thought that they met all the qualification of the submiision call (first post), I wouldn't want to be with their ass in the first place. That person would be displaying an attitude wrapped in vanity or one that thought everybody is a fool. Coming through the door, that person would be someone that I would watch with a discerning eye.
I ain't mad at anyone that uses an on-line dating services but every closed eye ain't sleep. |
A_womon
AALBC .com Platinum Poster
Username: A_womon
Post Number: 2510
Registered: 05-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, January 18, 2009 - 02:10 am: |
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Good Points NT! You know, I was talking to a friend the other night, and he made those same points. We never know who we're meeting, no matter where we meet them. Only time can reveal a persons true personality. The only thing that is eliminated meeting someone in person as opposed to online is that you actually get to see who you're meeting. |
Carey
AALBC .com Platinum Poster
Username: Carey
Post Number: 1537
Registered: 05-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, January 18, 2009 - 10:07 am: |
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Hello
You're making me sick, A_womon. |
A_womon
AALBC .com Platinum Poster
Username: A_womon
Post Number: 2516
Registered: 05-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, January 18, 2009 - 04:58 pm: |
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Hello,
You made me sick, first Carey Carey and you know how too! YYYYYYYYYYYYYUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!! |
A_womon
AALBC .com Platinum Poster
Username: A_womon
Post Number: 2536
Registered: 05-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, January 18, 2009 - 10:12 pm: |
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And now I'm so sick I'm puuuuuuuuuuuuuuuking!!! |
Ntfs_encryption
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Ntfs_encryption
Post Number: 3525
Registered: 10-2005
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, January 19, 2009 - 01:04 pm: |
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"The only thing that is eliminated meeting someone in person as opposed to online is that you actually get to see who you're meeting."
That’s why you request a photo. But from what I have seen, most profiles include photos. Many reputable sites require them. Yes, I know, the photo posted could have been taken in 1995. Meeting someone face to face can be a shocker when they post pics of themselves 40 lbs smaller or ten years younger. But what the heck. You roll with it. As I stated before, it the discrepancy is that great or the behavior is excessively obnoxious or annoying, you can always step and head back to the key board. Chalk it up and move on….. |
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