| Author | Message | ||
     Brotha2thanight Newbie Poster Username: Brotha2thanight Post Number: 7 Registered: 12-2005 Rating: N/A |
I didnt take your woman.... You gave her to me !! you gave her to me each time u didnt make time for her and when you put your frinds before her your family before her and you...Shit you started putting YOURself before her and I GOT TIRED of YOU TREATING......"Our" girl like that So I told her to stop looking down and that the only thing you sHouLd be putting before her is a crown and I dont mean the drink cuz from what I hear you seem to think that a drink is-a-good-enuff-excuse for u NOT to bring yo ass home after those, fellas nights out in the first place And when u do come tippin in u got this shine'y ass'd lip gloss on your face and we all know that they dont sale that $hit in the Mens section and so in order to hide your indescretions u decided u would take out a few seconds to point out some of her imperfections and to me it was like both.. Hell and a Blessing cuz each time u played like the modern day Kunta Kinte and became a slave to your erections she cried To Me and I just held her When you paralyzed her hopes and ignored her dreams once again I just held her...Right here next to my cologn scented chest and she said my hugs where the best cuz in my arms is where she finds her safety SO...cut the shit...I didnt take your women....You gave her to me Now I know that you love her see she would let me listen to phone conversations between the two of you and sometimes in between the occasional "yeah" and "Uhh huh" she would give to you she would nibble on my ear and kiss me right about......here (I gently rub my crotch) but dont blame her see your weakness for new Pussy is what put your relationship up for adoption and I know your type..Shit your only as loyal as your options and since you got that lil smile and that lil style that seems to attract women to u.. u never even notice a "Brotha" like me eating that..."Pie" that use to belong to just u Now I was just thinking, Remeber that time ya'll had an argument and for a change she grabbed her keys and her Shit and she left well when she finally got to me she was really upset so I stopped everthing I was doing and held tight so tight that i could feel her heart beat and she told me that she likes tight hugs.... Did you know that your girl, likes, tight, hugs?! Anyway this time..we got naked I mean chest to breast and I had her legs wrapped around me, here and here and the way she started to arch her back ...SHIT I thought she was gonna 'snap' her spine and at the same time Hell, I was trying to snap mine well..hold on...I actually kinda lie'n and since Im trying to be a better christian(smile) and a lot less of sinner I'll tell you the truth, see what I was really trying to do was to BrEaK my ...DICK..,OFF...in her So please keep taking phone calls in the other room keep ignoring her when she trells you she loves you and whatever you do..dont stop chasing new pussy or playing games with her mind cuz each time you do that she comes to me for a lil quality time No more games bra set her free then you can tell people that I didn't take your woman , you just gave her to me I am gonna shorten it but I would like some critiques 1st Thanks | ||
| Femrenoir Newbie Poster Username: Femrenoir Post Number: 9 Registered: 05-2006 Rating: N/A |
Brotha, I absolutely loved it. I can't imagine what you'd cut out. It would play great on def poetry. I especially liked the line about the 'tight hugs'. I could hear your inflection. Also your timing and rhyming is sublime! Anyway, I am very new at sharing my writing. Please give me an honest critique as well. So far I've only shared with friends and what are they going to say? Right. I wrote 'Enough' last week, so I would have something new to share. I am not as invested in it as with some of my earlier (do we ever stop tweaking?) stuff, so please be honest. |
