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Cynique
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Cynique
Post Number: 9660
Registered: 01-2004
Rating: 
Votes: 1 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, August 22, 2007 - 03:16 pm: | 
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OK, guys, for all of the faint of heart, reluctant to post what you've written, here's the deal. I've had this novel languishing away on my computer's word processor for the past 4 years, unable to decide whether or not I want to take it to the next level. But that's a whole other story. Anyhow, from time to time I pull it up, skim over it, and fine-tune a few chapters. Recently I did this, checking out a love scene that I could not make up my mind about - whether in a sex interlude, less is better and details should be left to the reader's imagination and if the one I wrote is trite and corny. Just for the heck of it, I'd like to see some of the authors on the board try their hand at writing a love scene and also critique the one I wrote, which follows:
...then as if it was the most natural thing in the world, he lowered his mouth to taste her lips, leisurely gorging on her sinuous tongue, nibbling his way down her neck, searching out her nipples, her soft little moans leading him on as he made his move, easing her back.
Welcoming him into the hug of her arms and the spread of her legs, she thrilled at the warm slide of his entry as he got in the groove, gripping her hips, finding his rhythm, stroking hard and steady, the pace quickening, the momentum growing, growing, finally reaching the threshold where want became need, groans grunts, kisses bites, fulfillment a frenzy that left them sizzling in the melt down of their climax.
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Squirt
First Time Poster
Username: Squirt
Post Number: 5
Registered: 03-2007
Rating: 
Votes: 3 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, August 22, 2007 - 04:49 pm: |
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I'm a new Author on the scene. I'm a Romance Writer. I have 2 books published, Sweets and Sweeter Than Sweets. I'm not usually on the board, but I get the responses to what is put on the message board sent to email. Here's my romantic scene:
Then as if it was the most natural thing in the world to do, he lowered his lips to taste hers. She quivered as their tongues touched. He let his tongue nibble its way down her neck. She felt the moisture from his wet kisses as he guided his way down to her nipples. Her soft moans turned him on.
She welcomed him into her arms as she spread her legs. She was thrilled at the warm slide of his hardness. He got in the groove. He gripped her hips. His rhythm was hard and steady. The pace quickened. He felt his peak rising. They heard each others groans and grunts. When their fluids blended, they melted from the intense climax. |
Cynique
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Cynique
Post Number: 9661
Registered: 01-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, August 22, 2007 - 05:24 pm: |
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Are you a self-published romance novelist? You don't speak in a woman's voice; your style is very "earthy". LOL |
Squirt
First Time Poster
Username: Squirt
Post Number: 6
Registered: 03-2007
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, August 22, 2007 - 05:36 pm: |
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Well, I am a woman. My name is Darlene Nicholson. I've been on the scene since 2005. I like for the sex scenes to grab the reader and that's what my books do. My books have been reviewed by a number of people and they've all said that they feel like they are apart of my novel. The words grab them. My novels are 2 of a 3 part series. So, my supporters are bugging me to finish part 3. But, I'd love to read what you've written. |
Squirt
First Time Poster
Username: Squirt
Post Number: 7
Registered: 03-2007
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, August 22, 2007 - 05:37 pm: |
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Oh, I forgot to mention, my books were published by Publish America. |
Cynique
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Cynique
Post Number: 9662
Registered: 01-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, August 22, 2007 - 05:53 pm: |
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I have no problem with scenes grabbing people, but I find the phrase "fluids blending" rather unromantic. That's more than I want to know. This is the quandary I am in when I question as to whether some things should be left to the reader's imagination. |
Squirt
First Time Poster
Username: Squirt
Post Number: 8
Registered: 03-2007
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, August 22, 2007 - 06:02 pm: |
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oops if that was unromantic to you. you asked and i tried. |
Cynique
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Cynique
Post Number: 9664
Registered: 01-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, August 22, 2007 - 06:16 pm: |
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You're right. I critiqued what you wrote, now feel free to critique my style. |
Squirt
First Time Poster
Username: Squirt
Post Number: 9
Registered: 03-2007
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, August 22, 2007 - 06:22 pm: |
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ok. it was good, but it didn't grab me. it didn't make me want to continue to the next page. romantic sex in a romance novel should stand out, excite the reader. it was dull. it should make the reader want to go to the next paragraph. if i was the woman being romanced by that man, i'd stop him and go get a V-8. you're on the right path, you just need to add a little spice. |
Cynique
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Cynique
Post Number: 9665
Registered: 01-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, August 22, 2007 - 06:33 pm: |
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Fair enough. I guess I didn't make the reader want to feverishly turn the page to see if the lovers grabbed napkins to blot up their body fluids. Just kidding. Thanks for your input. |
Mzuri
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Mzuri
Post Number: 5600
Registered: 01-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, August 22, 2007 - 06:59 pm: |
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I think that sex scenes should be written so that the readers can imagine themselves partaking of the scene. The scene should be more raw. Describe how it feels when um I can't say that here. I recently wrote a sex scene between men and I wish I could post it here but I'd probably be banished  It was very difficult to write a scene between two men (the entire project was difficult it is a love story), but I was able to put myself into the scene and release my inhibitions. Put yourself in there so that the reader can do likewise.
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Cynique
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Cynique
Post Number: 9666
Registered: 01-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, August 22, 2007 - 07:29 pm: |
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Yeah, there's something to be said for raw sex if you're writing erotica, and injecting some lewd dialogue in the course of the action can serve to spice things up. But sometimes a sex scene will strive to be idyllic and full of metaphor, depending on the setting of the particular episode. And I am still debating as to whether less is more, whether a scene should titillate a readers just enough for them to imagine the rest.
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Cynique
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Cynique
Post Number: 9667
Registered: 01-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, August 22, 2007 - 07:35 pm: |
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BTW, my novel is not a romance one. It's the paranormal sub-division of sci-fi. |
Sese
Newbie Poster
Username: Sese
Post Number: 46
Registered: 05-2004
Rating:
Votes: 2 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, August 22, 2007 - 08:56 pm: |
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Cynique: My two cents worth and will post one of my love scenes for critique.
Instinctively he lowered his mouth to hers, their tongues met, his moving down her neck to the rigid nipples of her breast. Her soft moans coaxed him on as he eased her downward.
Welcoming him into the embrace of her arms and legs, quivering at his entry she drifted into ecstacy from the movement of his hard and steady rhythm. (please excuse mispellings) |
Enchanted
Veteran Poster
Username: Enchanted
Post Number: 985
Registered: 11-2005
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, August 22, 2007 - 09:16 pm: |
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hate to say it but Cyniques originol scene is the best I read an dont need to be changed an the bodily fluids is gross nto sexy |
Cynique
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Cynique
Post Number: 9669
Registered: 01-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, August 22, 2007 - 10:27 pm: |
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Very good, Sese! "Quivering" is a much better word than "thrilled". I'm getting the idea, now. I needed to include physical reaction in my description.
My revised version:
Welcoming his imposing body into the sprawl of her legs, she trembled at the slide of his entry as he gripped her ass and filled her throbbing need with his hard insistence, going deep, stroking steady, in and out, harder and faster, their sweaty thighs slapping, his hot kisses smothering her moans, on and on until it couldn't get any better, and she frantically clawed his back, overwhelmed by the homecoming that left them writhing in the warm juices of each other. Jeeze. Did I go from one extreme to another, or what? LMAO.
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Sese
Newbie Poster
Username: Sese
Post Number: 47
Registered: 05-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, August 23, 2007 - 12:00 am: |
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That's some hot stuff you laid out there. We really should open a fzxking school to teach these young'uns a thing or two. LMAO |
Enchanted
Veteran Poster
Username: Enchanted
Post Number: 986
Registered: 11-2005
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, August 23, 2007 - 12:01 am: |
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cynique thats plain awful I would have read the orignal book |
Cynique
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Cynique
Post Number: 9670
Registered: 01-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, August 23, 2007 - 02:38 am: |
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It was, wasn't it? LMAO.
Another version: ONE MORE TIME!
Welcoming his imposing body into the sprawl of her legs, she took his face in her hands as he gripped her ass and filled her throbbing need with his hard insistence, going deep, making her whimper, stroking steady, making her sizzle, in and out, making her gasp, harder and faster, driving her wild, their sweaty thighs slapping, his hot kisses smothering her moans, on and on, rockin steady until it couldn't get any better, and she frantically clawed his back, overwhelmed by a wrenching pleasure that left them and wet and spent.
SOMEBODY STOP ME! LMAO |
Sese
Newbie Poster
Username: Sese
Post Number: 48
Registered: 05-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, August 23, 2007 - 08:36 am: |
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Good googly mighty, girl you're on a roll!!!!
Don't stop now!!! Keep it going!!! |
Mzuri
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Mzuri
Post Number: 5603
Registered: 01-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, August 23, 2007 - 09:36 am: |
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Sweaty thighs slapping? That's so nasty  |
Cynique
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Cynique
Post Number: 9671
Registered: 01-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, August 23, 2007 - 10:01 am: |
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Stop encouraging me, Sese! Chastise me for being a dirty ol lady! LMAO
What's the difference between "raw" sex and "nasty" sex, Mzuri??? |
Sese
Newbie Poster
Username: Sese
Post Number: 49
Registered: 05-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, August 23, 2007 - 10:19 am: |
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My love scene for critique. All of my short stories are in the paranormal genre, except the following which is from a suspense short story:
We fell onto the bed. Like a feather his hand glided over the contours and cavities of my body, then rolling onto his back he brought me with him, straddling and kissing his body. In his arms, our eyes spoke passionately, while my fingertips slithered from his hairless chest onto the crush of velvet, where the skin encased the brawn like the sheath of a sword. He rolled over, pushed the damp hair from my face, our mouths met eagerly as I drifted away in never experienced ecstasy.
Spent, cuddled in his arm, fingers interlocked acrosss his chest, I felt the rapid pounding of his heart. "I should've known," Blank said softly, looking down at me stroking my arm.
"What?"
"A virgin," he again replied softly. "Experience tell me, not from what you laid on me.
"Applied natural instinct," I snickered, kissing him passionately.
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Mzuri
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Mzuri
Post Number: 5604
Registered: 01-2006
Rating: 
Votes: 1 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, August 23, 2007 - 10:25 am: |
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By raw I meant the actual feelings and sensations that one experiences while doing the nasty. |
Cynique
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Cynique
Post Number: 9672
Registered: 01-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, August 23, 2007 - 12:33 pm: |
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IMO, Sese, the scene had too many convoluted similes and this tended to break the spell. I had to pause and figure out that you were talking about the man's penis in this sentence: "my fingertips slithered from his hairless chest onto the crush of velvet, where the skin encased the brawn like the sheath of a sword." I sorta got the impression that you were writing the way you thought a sex scene should be written; I wanted more honesty in your "voice".
My version for what it's worth.
We fell onto the bed, and he began to gently caress my body, his probing hands exciting me as he straddled my hips and our eyes met. I began to stroke his smooth chest, my fingers finding their way down his stomach, groping the full measure of his hard manhood. Eagerly our lips met in a passionate kiss as he dug in, and our grinding bodies found a fit. Then we began an incredible journey that sent me drifting away in never-experienced ecstasy.
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Cynique
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Cynique
Post Number: 9673
Registered: 01-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, August 23, 2007 - 12:55 pm: |
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OK, Mzuri since you're into rawness and I'm still leaning toward "less" being "more". What about this.
Done with the sucked nipples and the exploring fingers of foreplay he spread her legs and took it to her, humping away. Licking her lips, she shuddered and moaned because his steady thrusting felt so good she never wanted him to stop. |
Cynique
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Cynique
Post Number: 9674
Registered: 01-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, August 23, 2007 - 01:00 pm: |
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I'm done. I think. Unless they're some more comers. (No pun intend.) heh-heh.
ROTFLOL. It's so funny that Sese and Cynique, the 2 oldest posters on the board have become exponents of cyber sex. tsk-tsk. |
Sese
Newbie Poster
Username: Sese
Post Number: 50
Registered: 05-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, August 23, 2007 - 08:49 pm: |
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Cynique: Thanks for the feedback. Frequently another pair of eyes will help us see more clearly. As a writer, without a reality tester its easy to think/assume that the reader will understand/see things as you do, of course we know this is not the case. I will consider revising that section and call a penis a penis and erase questions from the readers mind. However be assured that the sex scene was written in my voice, without preconceived notions of how it should be written, my style is to use flowery language.
We have aged chronologically, not psychologically that why we are exponents of cybersex. Your inital post encouraged a lurker to post, which is what Troy recently said would lend diversity to the board. I always enjoy your post. overlook spelling and typo errors |
Cynique
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Cynique
Post Number: 9675
Registered: 01-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, August 23, 2007 - 10:36 pm: |
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Sese, I'll understand if you're wondering how I could defend "idyllic" love scenes in one post and then critcize your style in another one. Which is why, on second thought, when I put your interlude in that context I can better relate to it. You wrote in the prose a romanticist. And, I certainly agree that it's possible for a person to get too close to her work. Just considering your use of the word "quiver" instead of "thrill" and Mzuri's suggestion about the "raw" element of sex scenes, triggered a revelation in me; and I realized that I should try and write in the active instead of the passive voice. Soooo, since I'm not on tour, doing book signings for a best-seller, it goes without saying that my opinion can be taken with a grain of salt. But, for sure, we ol babes got a leg up, when it comes to "screwing" around with words. Love Ya! |
Chrishayden
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Chrishayden
Post Number: 5127
Registered: 03-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, August 24, 2007 - 10:26 am: |
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Cynique:
Nasty as you wannabe! |
Cynique
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Cynique
Post Number: 9682
Registered: 01-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, August 24, 2007 - 12:33 pm: |
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I challenge you to write a lovemaking scene, chrishayden. I know you have nothing to draw from in writing one, but you could always use your imagination...
He looked at her and decided he was ready to tap that ass. He hoped the ecstasy he'd slipped into her drink had kicked in, because the viagra he'd taken sure was coming to a head. Unable to wait any longer, he pushed her back on the bed and jumped her bones. After banging her good, he was all shot. She didn't appear wounded but was a little confused when she'd thanked him for the cab fare he gave her before making a hasty exit. |
A_womon
Veteran Poster
Username: A_womon
Post Number: 1836
Registered: 05-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, August 24, 2007 - 02:53 pm: |
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He looked at her and decided he was ready to tap that ass.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! One thing's for sure Cynique, you are Certainly are doing more showing with your telling! I like the new style. |
Mzuri
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Mzuri
Post Number: 5606
Registered: 01-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, August 24, 2007 - 03:08 pm: |
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LOL. Here's my try at a Chris inspired love story:
Me and my brokedown old pimp friend Rabbit were riding in his beatup orange VW listening to some Miles Davis Bitches Brew, and just as we turned the corner of First and Grand, my eyes were fixated on the finest ho I ever seent. Her name was Cherry Black and I saw her silhouette leaning against the light pole as she was popping some pink bubble gum while adjusting her black fishnet thigh highs and twirling her thong so that her buttocks would protrude thru the misty fog.
I said "Hey bro, please pull this raggedy shit up next to that Cherry ho right now this minute so that I can see if she'll give a brother a senior citizen's discount."
Rabbit brought his brokedown van to a screeching halt right there in the middle of the road with the precision of a played out pimp. I opened the door and flew out styling my best Burberry raincoat and my fly black leather slip ons with Cuban heels, as I wiped the Popeye's chicken grease and biscuit crumbs from my mustache.
"Cherry girl, where you been? You know I haven't seen you since forever. I just can't get you outta my mind. Everytime I take a shower I am reminded of that night that you did those crazy things with the black licorice and the shrimp fried rice. Remember that? Girl, that was the best I ever had."
Cherry Black looked at me in dismay. "Chris Hayden! Is that you? Have you forgotten that you still owe me $11.95 from the last time I rubbed my weave against your private parts. Pay up man or don't be talking to me, can't you see a ho is busy trying to get paid? Damn! I'm trying to get my hustle on and you're just disturbing my groove. Take it up the road so that I can catch me a real trick. My babies need shoes!"
"Oh, Cherry. Please don't be thatta way girl. You know I'm good for it. Why don't you come on over to my place and I'll serve you up some fine Wisconsin cheese and saltine crackers. I'll even break open a bottle of my best Thunderbird just for you. We can reminisce about the olden days and I'll bust open my piggy bank and make it worth your while. Come on girl, whatchu say? Come on and get out of this misty cold weather to the Chris Hayden raggedy love shack."
To be continued some other day.
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Cynique
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Cynique
Post Number: 9683
Registered: 01-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, August 24, 2007 - 03:50 pm: |
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LMAO, Mzuri. Good one.
C'mon, a-womon, use LAMBD as an inspiration and give us a sample of the style of writing we can expect from your book. Here's chance for some free publicity.
Too bad ol aspiring writer ABM can't try his hand, but since he's taken a vow of silence he has to use his hand for other things. heh-heh. |
A_womon
Veteran Poster
Username: A_womon
Post Number: 1837
Registered: 05-2004
Rating: 
Votes: 2 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, August 24, 2007 - 04:31 pm: |
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Well, I ain't going to use Lambd, didn't you her Nafisa/Kola say that Lambd got a girl? HA!
She frowned as she allowed her gaze to wander over the dinner for two that she had slaved over all day long growing cold on the table. As she stood and began clearing the dishes, she wondered how it had all gone so wrong so quickly. Not bothering to empty the food into the garbage disposal, she stacked them in the sink and ran some hot water over them. She'd wash them properly later. Maybe. If she felt like it.
All she wanted right now--all she needed really-- was to take a steaming shower and relax some of the tension that she felt over Justice's abrupt departure out of her shoulders.She reached up with one hand and gently massaged her the curve where her neck met her shoulder, imagining how good the warm spray would feel as it pounded a drum beat on her tight muscles. He had promised to make love to her all night, and maybe some of tomorrow too. Damn! Why did he have to bring up some dumb shit, and leave her wanting? Maybe she would use the pulsating jets from the shower massage to ease the tension she felt in other places as well, she couldn't help thinking as she trudged up the steps. But in her heart she knew that would bring only temporary satisfaction at best.
She knew that only Justice could quench the heat that pulsated between her legs. Only Justice could bring her pleasure beyond her every fantasy. Justice. She wasn't getting any tonight. |
A_womon
Veteran Poster
Username: A_womon
Post Number: 1838
Registered: 05-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, August 24, 2007 - 04:38 pm: |
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That's not an exerpt from my book by the way, I wanted to keep it spontaneous like everyone else. |
Cynique
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Cynique
Post Number: 9684
Registered: 01-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, August 24, 2007 - 04:55 pm: |
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I guess not getting some can stir the imagination as much as gettin some. LOL |
Mzuri
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Mzuri
Post Number: 5607
Registered: 01-2006
Rating:
Votes: 1 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, August 24, 2007 - 04:56 pm: |
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I need some Justice  |
Chrishayden
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Chrishayden
Post Number: 5146
Registered: 03-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Saturday, August 25, 2007 - 11:52 am: |
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He looked at her and decided he was ready to tap that ass. He hoped the ecstasy he'd slipped into her drink had kicked in etc etc
Me and my brokedown old pimp friend Rabbit were riding in his beatup orange VW listening to some Miles Davis Bitches Brew, and just as we turned the corner of First and Grand, my eyes were fixated on the finest ho etc ec
( YOU GUYS QUIT STEALING MY STUFF!) |
Chrishayden
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Chrishayden
Post Number: 5147
Registered: 03-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Saturday, August 25, 2007 - 11:54 am: |
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I don't want to post any of my real exploits here because I don't want to be responsible when you horndawgs have coronaries. |
Cynique
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Cynique
Post Number: 9687
Registered: 01-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Saturday, August 25, 2007 - 12:04 pm: |
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Excuses, excuses. |
Mzuri
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Mzuri
Post Number: 5608
Registered: 01-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Saturday, August 25, 2007 - 12:44 pm: |
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I'm glad you like our stories Chris  |
Cynique
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Cynique
Post Number: 9694
Registered: 01-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Saturday, August 25, 2007 - 01:10 pm: |
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Since chrishayden can't whip us, he has to join us, secretly dreaming about us whipping him as he crawls around on all fours, begging us to hit him harder. |
Yvettep
AALBC .com Platinum Poster
Username: Yvettep
Post Number: 2212
Registered: 01-2005
Rating:
Votes: 2 (Vote!) | | Posted on Saturday, August 25, 2007 - 03:18 pm: |
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Whew! Bravo to all of you! Here's my brief take:
He looked into her eyes; she looked into his. Yadda yadda yadda... Next morning their eyes locked again over plates of cheesy grits and raisin toast.
Leaving too much to the imagination? LOL! |
Cynique
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Cynique
Post Number: 9696
Registered: 01-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Saturday, August 25, 2007 - 10:00 pm: |
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LOL, Yvette. I imagined your couple was married and, after exchanging looks, they yawned before turning over and falling asleep. |
Mzuri
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Mzuri
Post Number: 5610
Registered: 01-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, August 26, 2007 - 09:49 am: |
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LOL @ the cheesy grits. |
Cynique
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Cynique
Post Number: 9702
Registered: 01-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, August 26, 2007 - 09:43 pm: |
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As oppposed to the gritty cheese. heh-heh. |
Cynique
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Cynique
Post Number: 9704
Registered: 01-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, August 27, 2007 - 10:34 am: |
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This subject has run its course but I want to share some observations before the thread drops off: The input made it apparent to me that some writers want readers to be participants in their narrative, while others elect to make the reader an observer, and the difference between these two appoaches can affect the impact of a story.
In the submitted sexual episodes I was struck by the creative anomolies that involved a tongue that could nibble, that settled on velvet as a metaphor for pubic hair, and that enabled buttocks to protrude through a misty fog. I was bemused at a syntax that allowed a boyfriend to abruptly depart out of the shoulders of his girlfriend, and I was disappointed at a missed opportunity to use the imaginative "whatever" when referring to the interaction between a man and woman instead of the apathetic "yada yada". LOL
What I discerned about my own writing is that I am a prisoner of my style, a control freak unable to resist telling readers what is going on, denying them the immediacy of the moment and depriving them of the empathetic experience that would come from being a part of the action. Oooh, me. yawn.
I am also curious as to why no males, ventured to write a love scene. Is it harder for them to take a stab at this. (Good visual. No?) In "New England White", author Stephen Carter treated sex between his 2 main characters as a necessary evil to be dispatched as quickly as possible. As I recall from the one book I read by Eric Jerome Dickey, his sexual romps get very explicit, but they never really moved me. Of course, the queen of "sex-as-an-adventure-in-reading" remains ZANE. Oh well. Happy Humping, folks.
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Mzuri
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Mzuri
Post Number: 5614
Registered: 01-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, August 27, 2007 - 12:33 pm: |
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This was a fun thread. We need more of these
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A_womon
Veteran Poster
Username: A_womon
Post Number: 1847
Registered: 05-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, August 27, 2007 - 02:20 pm: |
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In the submitted sexual episodes I was struck by the creative anomolies that involved a tongue that could nibble, that settled on velvet as a metaphor for pubic hair, and that enabled buttocks to protrude through a misty fog. I was bemused at a syntax that allowed a boyfriend to abruptly depart out of the shoulders of his girlfriend
HAHAHAHAHAHHAA!!! NOW THAT'S Funny! Especially the visuals of a tongue developing teeth and nibbling and a guy stepping out of his girlfriends shoulders! But you have given PERFECT examples of why REWRITES and EDITING are SO VERY IMPORTANT! What you have in your mind and what is written on paper OFTEN gets lost in transition!
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Cynique
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Cynique
Post Number: 9712
Registered: 01-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, August 28, 2007 - 12:57 pm: |
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I'm sure if Zane happened to have read this post, she got a big kick out of our attempts to translate sex into words. LMAO. |
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