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Cynique "Cyniquian" Level Poster Username: Cynique
Post Number: 10769 Registered: 01-2004
Rating: N/A Votes: 0 (Vote!) | Posted on Saturday, December 01, 2007 - 04:27 pm: |
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Too bad if you're tired of wading through these e-mails I have been sharing with you. I think they're funny. So there. SUMMARY OF MY PAST YEAR ON THE COMPUTER I have to scrub the top of every can I open. I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time. I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program. I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish. I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers. I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes. Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains. I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas. I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans. I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer. And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life. I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with an infected needle. I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me. I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise. I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army. I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan. I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe. Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt. And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 I dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg. I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies! If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next - door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician. |
Libralind2 Veteran Poster Username: Libralind2
Post Number: 987 Registered: 09-2004
Rating: N/A Votes: 0 (Vote!) | Posted on Monday, December 03, 2007 - 10:53 am: |
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rofllllllll LiLi |
Moonsigns AALBC .com Platinum Poster Username: Moonsigns
Post Number: 2039 Registered: 07-2004
Rating: N/A Votes: 0 (Vote!) | Posted on Friday, December 07, 2007 - 09:29 am: |
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LMFAO! Good share, Cynique!!!! |
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