| Author | Message | ||
     Lambd Regular Poster Username: Lambd Post Number: 49 Registered: 01-2004 Rating: N/A |
Sophia is the only one that I adore. We met downtown at the record store. She was listening to Jay-Z and boppin' her head. I tried to look away but caught her gaze instead. She parted her mouth and gave me a wink. The manager pinched his nose like his upper lip stink. He said, "That big bird can't be in here. It's against the law." I said, "Mister, she aint hurtin' you. I aint seen the law you saw!" "Just beat it," he screamed, "or else I'm callin' a cop!" I said, "Tell him to bring a medic if that yellin' don't stop!" Sophia pulled me out of there with her ostrich beak. We were lovers that same day, before the sun's last streak. Still together, to this day, and in love like never before. We are a legend at AU and at the record store. You see the manager asked us back because his record sells, Went through the roof like never before when he hosted our wedding bells. Ostrich loving is the best when it happens by coincidence. Besides my house looks better with the addition of the eight foot fence. | ||
| Cynique "Cyniquian" Level Poster Username: Cynique Post Number: 183 Registered: 01-2004 Rating: N/A |
Now we know, Lambd, you have a bird fetish, or, better still, an ostrich fixation! Take you head out of the sand - or out of the feathers and hook up with a creature who has arms to hug you and legs to wrap around you, someone to bring out the beast in you! Aargh! | ||
| Abm First Time Poster Username: Abm Post Number: 1 Registered: 04-2004 Rating: N/A |
Lambd, This is HILARIOUS! | ||
| Lambd Veteran Poster Username: Lambd Post Number: 51 Registered: 01-2004 Rating: N/A |
C-Neek, are you volunteering to take me away from all of this? If so, you can start by letting Abm know how serious this stuff is. Sophia will never get her head out of the sand as long as Abm is laughing at her...oh well, as long as her head is in the sand, I may as well make the best of it. What is that thing women used to say all the time? "Head down, ass up. That's the way we like to f---!" I guess that goes for ostrich's, too. Anyway, I'm starting to think that ostrich only loves me because I take her cat doggie-style. | ||
| Cynique "Cyniquian" Level Poster Username: Cynique Post Number: 187 Registered: 01-2004 Rating: N/A |
With a name like LAMBd, I would think that you'd prefer sheep over ostriches, but no accounting for taste. And, no, I never volunteer for anything. I have to be dragged kicking and screaming to anything that requires me to bestir myself from my chronic apathy. | ||
| Eviana Regular Poster Username: Eviana Post Number: 30 Registered: 03-2004 Rating: N/A |
Cynique, I couldn't have said it better myself. It's funny how one little word can reveal what a person is. What's up with that Lambd? | ||
| Lambd Veteran Poster Username: Lambd Post Number: 53 Registered: 01-2004 Rating: N/A |
If you must know, I thought at first that I did prefer sheep stuff. What with the wool around it and all. However, after getting with Sophia, I have to wonder why I wasted so many years with women, dolphins, and finally, sheep. Ostriches never seemed to do it for me in the past, but there was something in Sophia's eyes that just sang out, 'HOME!' to me. After we 'got together' for the first time, I was sure that this is where I was supposed to be. At first I thought something was wrong with me. Now, thanks to Eviana, I realize that I'm not the only one with this kind of deep and meaningful love for animals. Eviana has opened my eyes and allowed me to be open about who I am. Why, if it weren't for you, I would still be hiding behind the false pretense of being whipped by the averageness of relationships with women. Any man that has had the pleasure of catching the eye of an ostrich in full bloom from across the dance floor of a crowded nightclub can identify with what I'm saying. | ||
| Rondall Moderator Username: Rondall Post Number: 16 Registered: 01-2004 Rating: N/A |
L,& C, What is up with the bestiality references? Is it some type of twisted metaphor? Or just an overt fetish for stuffed animals? If you keep this up PETA is going to file complaint against the website. ;0 Keep your head up... | ||
| Lambd Veteran Poster Username: Lambd Post Number: 54 Registered: 01-2004 Rating: N/A |
Now that is being even more dramatic than some other people on the site. Rondull, the beastiality references started out as a joke, and an idiot named Lambd ran away with it. What's worst is the fact that one or two of your sitemates didn't get the joke and thought it was really something to it. Which in turn made that idiot Lambd run even faster. I will however stop with the beastiality crap if we are afraid of the PETA-philes...Anyway, Abm is the one you need to watch. That dude is sick! I was just kidding about a horse that I could hook him up with and he's been blowing my Nextel up trying to get 'Fewhaddit's' phone number. And besides, I just got my member silvered and I wouldn't want to jeopardize my newly acquired status here at the site. BTW, can you send me a summary of my Silver Member benefits. I need to know how much of the bill the AALBC Silver Member health insurance is going to cover for when I went to the ER to get those feathers out of my throat. I have no idea how those feathers got in there, but you can rest assured that it didn't have anything to do with beastiality. Nope, na ugh, not at all. Sure, they were ostrich feathers, but they could have come from anywhere. | ||
| Cynique "Cyniquian" Level Poster Username: Cynique Post Number: 209 Registered: 01-2004 Rating: N/A |
I can't believe you are what you say you are, Lambd. Your sense of humor is too wicked. And if you like ostriches, surely you could eat pork... Oink-oink. | ||
| Abm Newbie Poster Username: Abm Post Number: 15 Registered: 04-2004 Rating: N/A |
Lambd, Touché, My Brothah. Touché. HAHAHA!!! | ||
| Lambd Veteran Poster Username: Lambd Post Number: 55 Registered: 01-2004 Rating: N/A |
Oooh no! I would never do it with swine. Lips that touch swine would never touch mine. However, fowl aint as fowl as pig, you dig. I am afraid that the relationship between my humor and what or who I say I am has absolutely no bearing on anything at all. If I thought that a picture of Christ falling off the cross and landing on top of Mary Magdeline was tragic would that make me any less of an atheist?...Or if I laughed because someone said that Noah drowned in his bathtub an hour after the ark landed. Does that make me more of an atheist? I hope twenty people don't start questioning me about being an atheist . I guess I better clarify this now. I am not an atheist! I hope that worked. I will try to chasten my humor whilst on the site. I would hate to think that the only one left that can look at what I write with his tongue in his cheek is Abm. I would be the last one on earth to be in cahoots with Abm and disrespect anyone's beliefs. I'm sure we all have the same beliefs on this site. I'm sure because I don't do some things that some of you righteous folk think is okay to do makes me less of a human being. I'm sure that because I prefer apples to oranges or ostriches to pigs I am a terrible person. If you good Christian people can eat the intestines of a pig but I am not allowed to live in my own home and make sweet love to my own wife inside of my eight foot fence...well, I just give up. If it will make you people feel better, I will just have to have Sophia feathered and frickaseed this afternoon! Hopefully, this will be the end of my love story. Never to be talked about again. Except, of course, in private with Abm. You still want that horse's number, right? I told Fewhaddit about you and she's ready and willing. You know how to whinny, right? | ||
| Abm Newbie Poster Username: Abm Post Number: 20 Registered: 04-2004 Rating: N/A |
Lambd, Dude. I can’t believe you gun’ sell me out like that. And that’s even after I let you use my condo to hook up with Sophia. Now I got feathers all over my carpeting, holes in my bed (you’ve gottah break her of that head-digging thing when she’s not home) and my co-op association is citing me for excessive clucking noise. And when I brought Fewhaddit over for an intimate game of "The Black Stallion", she saw all the feathers/holes and thought I was cheating with Sophia. But don’t worry. You know I don’t just horse around. I fed 'Haddy’s a some hay, stroked her coat a bit, rode her around the ‘trac’ a few times then scrubbed & shampooed her ‘tail’. I’m telling you, dat philly’s now so sprung she’s prancing around the ranch lookin' cuter than a Shetland pony. |
