| Author | Message | ||
     Ntfs_encryption "Cyniquian" Level Poster Username: Ntfs_encryption Post Number: 101 Registered: 10-2005 Rating: N/A |
Well, here ya have it. Are there many black women for successful black men? Bro Wills thinks there is a story that is not being told. It's all one sided and skewed against black men who may look in other places for serious mates. Is this an honest complex dilemma that is not being told? Successful Black Men and the Shortage of Good Black Women By Rom Wills Meet Mario Johnson. He is a Black man in his mid-thirties. He is different from many other Black men and any man regardless of race. He dresses like an executive. He has on a well-tailored suit, an expensive watch, a leather brief case, and black shoes so polished you could see your reflection. All this is just the surface. What people do not know is that Mario is the General Counsel of a major corporation. He is well educated, with a BA, JD,and a MBA. He is tall, in great shape, and handsome. He volunteers with troubled youth and plans to become politically active. By anyone's standards this brother has his act together. Meet Sam Watson. He is a Black Man in his mid-twenties. At first glance he may seem like any other young male. He wears stylish baggy clothes. He has dreadlocks and an earring. He only has a high school education. On the surface it looks like Sam does not have anything going for him. That is just the surface. People don't realize that Sam owns three stores specializing in clothes for a young urban crowd. As early as high school Sam was always selling something. After graduation he decided to start a business selling T-shirts he'd designed. This business eventually grew to the point that he was able to move from a street corner stand to a small store. He expanded his business to include clothes from other designers. One store became two stores. Two became three. With all the energy he put into his business he simply did not have time for college. Despite this he has a large collection of books on a variety of subjects making him a well-read and well-informed individual. Meet James Abraham. James graduated college and has a job working as an analyst in a government agency. To his co-workers he is content and average. James' co-workers do not realize he is a different person away from work. James has an entertainment company that produces parties, fashion shows and other functions. In another year James will have saved enough money to quit his government job and pursue his business full-time. These three brothas are fictional, however, they represent several types of successful men. These men have several things in common. They are all men who worked to get where they are going in life. They have all attained a measure of success. Each one, however, lacks one thing: a special lady with whom to share his life. Someone may look at the examples above and say that men like these should not have any problems finding someone special. Black women greatly outnumber Black men. These men should have literally dozens of women at their beck and call.The reality is that this is not the case. The reality is that for the successful Black man there is a shortage of good women.The term "good" is relative. What one person considers good another person may consider bad. In this case I use the word "good" to mean women who are good for successful Black men. A successful Black man in most cases will not grab any woman he sees. There are several issues to consider when he chooses a mate. The biggest issue is compatibility. People talk about how many women there are for each man, but it's never taken into consideration that a man is only going to be compatible with a few women. For example, Phil has college and graduate degrees. He makes six figures, lives in an upscale neighborhood, and drives a late model car. As a result of the supposed shortage of "good" men Phil has several women he can choose from. Let us say for the sake of argument he has met ten single women in one month. All the women are interested in Phil. Two of them, however, are on welfare and view Phil as a way out of their situation. Phil does not bother with them because he realizes they have nothing to offer him. Three have children and although Phil loves children he does not want to deal with issues that come with "babies daddies." Three will be physically unattractive to him. That leaves two women. These two women are professionals with nearly the same credentials as Phil so he still has a choice. There are still compatibility problems when a successful Black man has to deal with successful or professional Black women. The problem many times stem from background. Several successful Black men come from poor or working class backgrounds. A successful Black man from this background will tend to have a combination a formal education and street smarts. Professional women regardless of their background tend to come from isolated environments.(Not all of course, but a significant number.) A worldly brother and isolated sister do not make for a winning combination. In many cases, this couple may not have much in common beyond economic status and the bedroom. A successful man is going to look for somebody he can talk to and share his life with. Getting back to the example above, Phil does not hook up with either woman. One woman is not worldly enough for him and the other is caught up in a bourgeois existence, which brings me to my next point. When people talk about relationships in the Black community and particularly about the choices a Black man has to make, few seem to take into consideration class differences. We constantly hear about how professional sisters do not want to date men who are not professionals. We do not hear as much about men who are professionals. As I mentioned above, men want to date someone on their level as well. A successful brother is going to want a certain level of class, education, and sophistication in a mate. He is typically not going to want someone whose biggest concern is her hair and nails. He is not going to want someone who is content to live day to day or who has two, three, four or five children by just as many fathers. With money and success a man will behave in such a way that he is not going to be compatible with everybody he meets. Another issue the successful brother must consider: is a woman with him for his personality or for his money? A successful brother recalls the time when he was broke and had to walk because he had no car. The average sister wanted no part of him. Times when he could not afford to even take a date to a fast food place. He remembers all the rejection. He also remembers when women did not want to be bothered with him. Once this brother has reached a level of measurable success he will look at women differently. He will not want the women who once rejected him. How can he trust them? The experience of being rejected by women when he was broke will affect how a brother chooses a woman once he has money. Like everyone else in society, a successful Black man is looking for a woman with whom to share his life. Despite what people believe he does not have a lot to choose from. Many black women refuse to take care of themselves which is clearly evident as you see so many who are grossly overweight, fixated with fake hair, uncomplimentary clothing styles and have surrendered to ghetto lifestyles and behavior. Today’s successful black males are looking for women to help them grow so they can be the best they can be. He needs a woman who will be a helpmate, not a hindrance. He does not need a gold digger or a whining ghetto queen. He does not need an unambitious woman. He does not need someone who will play games with him. He needs a strong positive woman. Unfortunately, there is a number of black women who cannot be this to him. | ||
| Moonsigns "Cyniquian" Level Poster Username: Moonsigns Post Number: 848 Registered: 07-2004 Rating: N/A |
Shyt. Here we go. | ||
| Serenasailor "Cyniquian" Level Poster Username: Serenasailor Post Number: 131 Registered: 01-2006 Rating: N/A |
Is that the excuse black men are using now to date white women? Rolleyes! | ||
| Renata "Cyniquian" Level Poster Username: Renata Post Number: 501 Registered: 08-2005 Rating: N/A |
BULL. SHIT. Women are graduating from college with degrees and buying businesses, and have no children, and these same lame asses find a problem with her regardless. NEXT EXCUSE, PLEASE! If someone's going to make excuses, they could AT LEAST find less obvious lies. | ||
| Tonya "Cyniquian" Level Poster Username: Tonya Post Number: 1482 Registered: 07-2005 Rating: N/A |
("Is that the excuse black men are using now to date white women?") You know it is! LMBAO!!! Why couldn't the brotha just come out and say it, damn. He made me read this whole article!?!? Mannnnn, I could've been gettin' my nails done, shit! | ||
| Renata "Cyniquian" Level Poster Username: Renata Post Number: 506 Registered: 08-2005 Rating: N/A |
Walk onto college campuses. As far as the black portion goes, women make up the majority of the staff/faculty AND the students. "He does not need an unambitious woman". He just needs to go to her office and ask her for a job because it's more likely she'll be a professional than he will. Seriously, ANYONE here, when was the last time you went to look for a job, and the hiring supervisor AND her supervisor WEREN'T women? And 60% of the time, BLACK women? Ntsf, I wish you could give me the email address of this fool. | ||
| Cynique "Cyniquian" Level Poster Username: Cynique Post Number: 3539 Registered: 01-2004 Rating: N/A |
Depends on where you go looking for a job. I haven't noticed that black women are more prominent in management positions than any other sex or race. This must be a regional thing. | ||
| Renata "Cyniquian" Level Poster Username: Renata Post Number: 507 Registered: 08-2005 Rating: N/A |
Or perhaps by profession. Here, most state and city employees are female. Even the mayor's (a female) guards are female. I'm 30, and since I've been 24, I've worked a lot of temp jobs (but you still have to be interviewed by the hiring manager), and I think I've been interviewed by a male only twice in all of that time. I've also volunteered for a few non-profit organizations, and the ones I volunteered for were all started by and run by women. Even the Hosea Williams foundation, which was started by a man, is now run by women. The office where my son sees his pediatrician has NO MEN working there at all, doctors, nurses or any position. I don't know where this loser is looking for women. Because if black women are anything, unambitious isn't one of them. | ||
| Tonya "Cyniquian" Level Poster Username: Tonya Post Number: 1483 Registered: 07-2005 Rating: |
This is just proof that we need to start focusing on ourselves now. We've been spotlighting the black man for too long, fighting for his rights. And now that he's gotten to the point where he's able to garner a little wealth & pride (with our blood sweat and tears, of course) we can't even get our hair and our nails done. LOL! Sisters, the future is all about us. | ||
| Tonya "Cyniquian" Level Poster Username: Tonya Post Number: 1484 Registered: 07-2005 Rating: N/A |
Reneta, he's not saying that he can't find a professional/college educated black women -- he's saying that they are too uptight for him. | ||
| Barbersurgeon Newbie Poster Username: Barbersurgeon Post Number: 15 Registered: 01-2006 Rating: N/A |
What a yawn. Who publishes this crap? | ||
| Mrs_hart "Cyniquian" Level Poster Username: Mrs_hart Post Number: 146 Registered: 01-2006 Rating: N/A |
Thank you, Barbersurgeon. | ||
| Ntfs_encryption "Cyniquian" Level Poster Username: Ntfs_encryption Post Number: 120 Registered: 10-2005 Rating: N/A |
But is there any truth to it? | ||
| Reggie Newbie Poster Username: Reggie Post Number: 14 Registered: 01-2006 Rating: N/A |
Well, I think the man has a point, it is just not articulated carefully. I know plenty of men who are self made millionaires, from working class or poor backgrounds, ethnically black, active in community service, in very good shape, highly ambitious and apparently physically attractive to other women. I know very few women who fit that bill. The ones that are successful in career and finance rarely come from working class/poor backgrounds. You may find a lot of black women in the service, educational or administrative fields, but move to the executive level in banking, technology, insurance, real estate, etc. and there are very few blacks in the higher ranks, and even fewer black women. I understand where the brother is coming from. He is not saying that there are not successful black women, he says there are not a lot of compatible black women for the successful black man. |
