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Tonya
AALBC .com Platinum Poster
Username: Tonya
Post Number: 3719
Registered: 07-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, December 28, 2006 - 10:11 am: | 
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Blacks face a greater struggle against depression
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
By BETSY QUERNA
HERALD NEWS
William Gibbons didn't want to kill himself in April. There were too many important days that month -- his birthday, his kids' birthdays, the anniversary of his mother's death. He didn't want to ruin those days.
So he waited until May 1, 2005. On that day, he sat on the edge of his bed and swallowed the same kind of pills he had given to his mother during her losing battle with breast cancer a year earlier.
He swallowed 17 pills, maybe more. He doesn't remember. His daughter and father both say that Gibbons called them that night, though he doesn't remember that either. His dad, he's pretty sure, found him passed out in the bedroom. Two days later, he woke up in a hospital bed in the intensive care unit at St. Joseph's Regional Medical Center.
"There's no reason in the world that I would ever want to kill myself except that I had no reason not to, and that's what it came down to for me," William said as he sat in an office at Harbor House, the mental health clinic run by St. Joseph's. "The depression had taken such a hard hold."
The depression that nearly killed Gibbons began after the death of his grandmother in December 2001. His 17-year marriage was in trouble at the same time and, shortly after, broke up as well.
When his mother became sick in 2002, he was living and working in North Carolina. He came back to his hometown, Paterson, to help her battle breast cancer. On April 22, 2004, she died.
"At least when I was going through my grandmother, there was my mother and my wife," he says. "When it was my wife, at least I still had my mom to talk to. Once my mom passed, and this was the closest person to me, then there was no one. And from that point on, it was just steady downward spiral."
That spiral began with unhappiness and gradually took away his life, piece by piece. First, he had strange aches and pains. Then he didn't want to get out of bed for days at a time. Then he couldn't take care of his kids. Then he couldn't take care of himself.
Yet he didn't seek help or talk to anyone about what he was feeling. He didn't know how to admit that the man who had spent his life taking care of others was now in trouble. He got lucky; he almost never learned.
Gibbons' story is woefully common among black males. Though reliable statistics on the number of black men with depression are scarce, the latest data from the government's Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration found that more than one in 10 blacks have had an episode of depression at least once in their lifetime, a slightly lower percentage than the population as a whole.
About 4 percent of black people have attempted suicide, according to a recent study in the Journal of the American Medical Association, and although women more often attempt it than men, men are more often successful. It's likely that more than 1,700 black men will die by their own hand this year, according to figures from the U.S. Census Bureau.
Perhaps the most tragic part of depression is how often it goes untreated. Although many people who need help do not get it, there's evidence that, when it comes to depression, blacks may be less likely to get help than others.
The "most salient issue" is that many blacks lack access to good mental health care, says Robert Johnson, a psychiatrist and the interim dean of the New Jersey Medical School on the University of Medicine and Dentistry of New Jersey campus in Newark. About 21 percent are uninsured, compared to 13 percent of whites, according to the Kaiser Family Foundation, a nonprofit health-care research organization.
While most people are diagnosed with depression by their primary care doctor, many blacks, especially the uninsured, may not have a primary-care doctor. Even when they do, says Johnson, those doctors are less likely to recognize symptoms as depression. Blacks are more likely to report somatic symptoms, such as pain or aching, that doctors may not interpret at signs of depression. And there's evidence that racial stereotypes have caused an over-diagnosis of schizophrenia and an under-diagnosis of depression.
When he was in the throes of depression, Gibbons never even thought of treatment. "When it comes to emotional things, you more or less suppress them," he says. "That's throughout the African-American community, women and men." He never talked about feelings with his parents, he says, nor with his kids. So when his feelings started to overwhelm him, there was nowhere to turn.
Depression is not thought of as something that can be treated, says John Head, who wrote about his experience as a black man with depression in his book "Standing in the Shadows." "Part of the problem is not having the cultural vocabulary to even talk about depression as an illness," says Head. "I think we tend to think of depression as a weakness."
A National Institute of Mental Health survey found that nearly two-thirds of blacks thought of depression as a "personal weakness," while 54 percent of the general population described that way. One third said they would take medication for depression if prescribed it, compared with 69 percent of the national population.
Especially among black men, says Head, there's a resistance to the idea of needing help for mental or emotional problems: "Part of that is because of what our idea of manhood is. You don't complain. If you suffer, you suffer in silence. You don't ask other people for help. You pull yourself up."
Downward spiral
Nothing in Gibbons' life had prepared him to deal with depression. For nearly two decades, he was a computer programmer, working in New Jersey, New York and North Carolina. He ran the rat race, working up to 80 hours a week, day after day, year after year, providing for his family and children.
"The first two years of my son's life, I never saw him," Gibbons says. "I worked in the city then and when I had to go to work in the morning he was asleep, and when I got home from work he was asleep."
He liked the computer programming world, writing programs and solving puzzles. Some of his best ideas came to him as he was coming home from work, he says, and his wife hated that he turned on the computer and went right back to programming when he got home. He became successful enough to build up a substantial savings account.
But when the women in his life dropped out, one by one, and depression began to take hold, his life began to crumble. He felt listless, had trouble sleeping and lost his appetite. "I didn't do anything. I didn't want to do anything. There was nothing I could do."
Throughout, he pretended nothing was wrong. "No matter what happened, no matter how I was feeling, my children would never know. ... When they were with me, everything was fine. Daddy got up this morning, Daddy went to work this morning, Daddy did whatever he had to do 'cause I always told my son that the only way you can become a man is for me to teach you. No one else can do that job.
"There are certain things men do. And one of those things, especially African-American men do is, no matter how much you're hurting, you take care of what's yours. Always."
It got to be too much in the months after his mother died. In February 2005, Gibbons sent his son, then 16, to live with the boy's mother. He lay in bed for days, sometimes a week at a time. He didn't work and didn't leave the house. He didn't care about anything. Day after day, he felt awful. Week after week, it got worse.
"It's like a runaway freight train," he says. "And it's never going to stop until it hits the wall. ... And that's the scary part. It's a scary ride, it really is."
When he woke up in St. Joseph's on May 3 after attempting suicide, he was "messed up," he says. He walked shakily and the doctors told him he had nearly had a stroke. As he awoke, his first clear thought, he says, was "that I had failed for the first time in my life. I had never failed at anything before." Today, he says, he thanks God for that failure.
Gibbons spent nine days at St. Joseph's. When he left, he walked down Main Street about a half-block to the Harbor House. There, with the help of caseworkers, he got his life back together.
Today, he works three days a week, unpaid, at the Harbor House snack bar. "I'm surprised that I like it," he says. "It makes the day go by, and it also keeps me in contact with everybody."
He lives in a newly renovated, "real cool" apartment in Paterson with a roommate from Harbor House. He's taking classes at the New Jersey Mental Health Association in Montclair and hopes to one day become a peer counselor for people like himself.
Gibbons takes medication to keep his depression in check and sees a psychiatrist at Harbor House. He says there are still bad days, days when he doesn't want to get out of bed or talk to anyone. The difference is that now he knows how to deal with it.
"I'm still the same William that I always was," he says. "The only difference is that now I'm a little older and I have another illness to deal with, just like if I was to stub my toe. It's something I gotta deal with."
Reach Betsy Querna at 973-569-7169 or querna@northjersey.com.
Where to get help
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Barnert Hospital Behavioral Health Services 680 Broadway, Paterson 973-977-6660
Mental Health Association in Passaic County 404 Clifton Ave., Clifton 973-478-4444
St. Joseph's Regional Medical Center, Harbor House 645 Main St., Paterson 973-754-2800
St. Joseph's Outpatient Mental Health Clinic 56 Hamilton St., Paterson 973-754-4750
St. Mary's Hospital Seton Center 530 Main Ave, Passaic 973-470-3056
Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance www.dbsalliance.org 800-826-3632
http://www.northjersey.com/page.php?qstr=eXJpcnk3ZjczN2Y3dnFlZUVFeXkzNTcmZmdiZWw 3Zjd2cWVlRUV5eTcwNDI4NTEmeXJpcnk3ZjcxN2Y3dnFlZUVFeXk1 |
Abm
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Abm
Post Number: 7209
Registered: 04-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, December 28, 2006 - 10:39 am: |
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It's interesting how women are more likely to attempt suicide yet men are more likely to seal the fatal deal. I guess it's because men are probably more serious about killing themselves than women. Or men are morely to resort to more deadly means. |
Abm
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Abm
Post Number: 7210
Registered: 04-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, December 28, 2006 - 10:44 am: |
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I think what Gibbons mentions here symbolizes why Black men are more likely to kill themselves: "At least when I was going through my grandmother, there was my mother and my wife," he says. "When it was my wife, at least I still had my mom to talk to. Once my mom passed, and this was the closest person to me, then there was no one."
Notice he does NOT mention being able to share his struggles with another MAN. Why? Because we just don't do that. Part of it is innate inclination. The other part is socialization.
Very FEW Black men will go tell other Black men "Hey, bruh. I'm so dayam depressed about things I don't know what the hell I might do to myself." |
Mzuri
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Mzuri
Post Number: 2575
Registered: 01-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, December 28, 2006 - 11:08 am: |
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Our society tends to over-medicate and self-medicate much too often and unnecessarily. It is perfectly natural to be depressed from time to time, and it is not natural to be in a constant state of happiness and elation - but we don't medicate for that. People need to realize that it is not meant for us to be in one mood at all times, and that it's only when we are depressed for extended periods and for no apparent reason, if we develop suicidal tendencies, or if we have a chemical imbalance that we need to seek medical and/or psychiatric help. Not because we're depressed because we are having personal problems. I'm not a doctor, but that's what I think about it. |
Cynique
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Cynique
Post Number: 6288
Registered: 01-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, December 28, 2006 - 11:33 am: |
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Clinical depresssion is one thing; it's treatable. Then, of course, there is situational depression that can be alleviated by a different environment or a change in circumstances. Life is about coping and has to be taken one day at a time. Happiness is measured in minutes. This mind-set over the years seems to have inured itself in the black psyche. But it is a defense mechanism that is apparently unraveling. And so it goes. |
Chrishayden
AALBC .com Platinum Poster
Username: Chrishayden
Post Number: 3193
Registered: 03-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, December 28, 2006 - 11:45 am: |
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Mzuri:
How can you be so right about things sometimes? It's exposure to me, isn't it?
It is natural to be depressed--unless it sinks to the clinical type (which is often the result of chemical imbalance in the brain, organ malfunction sickness or trama at which time you should seek professional help) let it pass. Take a nap. Do something different.
At one time when our society was closer we were helped with these problems by our families, neighbors and friends. Part of the problem is this separation.
Ain't it something? Black suicide rates used to be lower than whites. Come integration and making it and the streets being paved with gold and suicide rates shot up.
My opinion, when you ain't expecting much out of life there ain't much can get you down. When you get to thinking that the world is yours and something is wrong with you if you don't have it then you got problems.
Personally.
One time I was going through a real bad spot where I actually thought I was losing my mind. There is info out about how to tell if you are having a heart attack, a stroke, almost everything else but how to know if you are losing your mind.
I guess they feel that if you are, you will be delusional, so what's the use of giving you 10 warning signs.
I started researching mental illness, and ultimately concluded that if I could suspect that if I was actually losing my mind I would deny it, since denial is a strong symptom of it.
Re suicide I admit I used to contemplate it. It all stopped once I realized I was going to die sooner than later anyway, and unless I was in unbearable pain or suffering from a terminal illness (and did not have a project I had to live to complete) I didn't have to do what has to be done anyway.
I think if I was diagnosed with inoperable cancer I might consider overdosing myself--otherwise it is just a matter of time.
ABM--
I would have to be really desperate to talk to another brother about being depressed. You are sure to get "You think that's bad? Listen to this--" and wind up feeling, "I ain't got it so bad after all."
I felt that way this morning. Walking down the street, ran into a neighborhood dude just got out of jail. (He actually looked a lot better than he did before he got jugged--it agrees with some people). Man, listening to that and what he is facing when he has got out, made me forget my problems.
In fact that's one thing I do sometimes when I am feeling depressed. Talk to somebody who has had a stroke and is half paralyzed or somebody who has had something real awful happen to them.
Chases them blues away pretty quick. |
Abm
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Abm
Post Number: 7218
Registered: 04-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, December 28, 2006 - 11:55 am: |
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Chris,
Sure the Your Blues Ain't Bluer than MY Blues phenomenon can crop up. But you know whether or not someone can handle what they're currently dealing with ain't got a dayam thing to do with whether it appear to not be as onerous as what another is dealing with.
Also, sometimes it's easier to handle physical infirmaties than it is to handle mental one. Because one can quite clear see and grasp the enormity of their heart exploding in his chest. Plus there's considerable more help available to someone who's had a stroke.
But those mental and emotional issue are not as evident and there's much less help. So what often happens is some emotional or chemical imbalance erode away at the core of a person until it's very difficult to reach and to help them. |
Americansista
Newbie Poster
Username: Americansista
Post Number: 45
Registered: 09-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, December 28, 2006 - 12:24 pm: |
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It's sad because in the black community, their are some who feel that "we" don't get like this and it's usually a white issue. "We" don't commit suicide. "We" don't have eating disorders. "We" don't see therapist or other mental health professionals (unless the penal system makes you, lol) because that is for "crazy folks".
Well, I have a cousin who cuts herself. Seriously, she uses razor blades and cuts into her thighs.
She's a beautiful girl.
She's a smart girl.
She has a beautiful children and she's married.
She has a family who loves her.
?????? To the average person - especially a black person - they do not understand that and automatically label her as "acting white". I think she is clinically depressed and even she refuses to seek treatment for it. She's done a lot more than cutting and her behavior/moods/attitudes are text book depression but I won't get off into all of it.
She's a VERY depressed young woman who needs help, her husband does not know what to do and her mother is always trying to help out and suggest things for her. It's like she's suffering and is ASHAMED of the stigma attached to being black and needing mental help. |
Mzuri
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Mzuri
Post Number: 2578
Registered: 01-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, December 28, 2006 - 12:49 pm: |
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Chris - I can be so right about everything, if you would just shut your face and pay attention. I've already decided that the only way I would commit suicide is if I were in excruciating untreatable and never-ending pain and suffering. But it has now become fashionable to commit suicide at a certain age, in order to have complete control of your death scene. You get all your affairs in order, make all the necessary arrangements, put on a nice outfit, fix your makeup and your hair, take a bunch of pills and lay down and die. I think I'll do that when I'm 99. LOL!
AS - Cutting is not depression. Your cousin needs an intervention. You all need to get together and make that happen before she harms someone other than just herself.
And thx for your kind words about me in the other thread. God Bless You 
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Americansista
Newbie Poster
Username: Americansista
Post Number: 47
Registered: 09-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, December 28, 2006 - 12:56 pm: |
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Mzuri, she does more than cut herself but I just don't want to type all of that stuff. Maybe she has a combination ailment; I'm not sure but she is depressed. She will NOT get help and has made it CRYSTAL clear. It's been suggested to her husband and parents that maybe they...go above her head and perhaps FORCE her into getting treatment.
BTW, you're welcome. I wasn't trying to be kind but honest. You are real with your shit and I respect that. You stand up for yourself, your beliefs and voice your opinions...in a way that is funny as hell. How can someone not like or atleast respect that? |
Enchanted
Regular Poster
Username: Enchanted
Post Number: 324
Registered: 11-2005
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, December 28, 2006 - 01:00 pm: |
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I cant stand Mzuri anymore because she's disrespectful and annoying. Her vulgarity isnt cute but she thinks it is. Nobody here likes her but you.
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Mzuri
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Mzuri
Post Number: 2580
Registered: 01-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, December 28, 2006 - 01:08 pm: |
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AS - I've never had any actual experience with this type of situation, but I would think that once a person is harming themselves to that extent, that it's no longer up to them to decide whether or not they "want" treatment. I don't see how anyone in her mental state can make anything crystal clear to others either. I would urge you to contact your local mental health advocate and get some professional advice as to how your family should deal with this. Just telephone and speak to someone - it couldn't hurt. |
Americansista
Newbie Poster
Username: Americansista
Post Number: 48
Registered: 09-2006
Rating: 
Votes: 1 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, December 28, 2006 - 01:13 pm: |
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Enchanted, a lot of folks on here are on unnecessary BULLSHIT and some folks are more quick witted than others and will make certain fools STFU or look stupid with her fuckery.
I read more than I post here and I must say that Mzuri nor Cynique is the cause of the bullshit. They are NOT the ones posting obscene pics, making up ridiculous topics about niggers being black americans or how blacks love lightskinned anything.
I admit that the Kola thing is STALE as fuck, lol but you have idiots like Igbogirl and others who act iggy that are way more obnoxious and stupid than any one else on the board.
Don't hate it that Mzuri and a few others call folks on their dumb shyt. Most of these people come here strickly to troll and for shock value. Basically, if a person is going to post dumb shit and troll around then they should be prepared to get murked.
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Mzuri
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Mzuri
Post Number: 2581
Registered: 01-2006
Rating:
Votes: 1 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, December 28, 2006 - 01:14 pm: |
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Enchanted - Your post is out of place here. This is the depression thread. Take your bullshit comments about me over to the thread where someone gives a shit. I think you're really starting to lose it, take my advice and log off your computer for a while and get yourself some fresh air. |
Jackie
Regular Poster
Username: Jackie
Post Number: 315
Registered: 04-2005
Rating: 
Votes: 2 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, December 28, 2006 - 01:20 pm: |
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How a person(male or female, black, white or otherwise)reacts to someone who reveals that they are depressed or reveals the symptoms of depressions(stays in bed all day, lack of appetitie, lack of ambition, sad all the time, lethargic, insomnia, suicidal thoughts extreme highs and lows-bi polarism etc) depends on that person's level of knowledge and education on the topic. Also, most people who are depressed may not be aware that they are suffering from some form of depression or mental illness. I would agree that men and women when suicidal react differently. Usually men take out their whole "nuclear" families...although of late women who suffer from post partum depression have been taking their kids with them or just killing their kids. And of course, I'm not saying all people who take out their families and children are suffering from some form of mental illness, because some do it out of vengance against their spouses, or deep financial debt etc. For example, I think Andrea Yates is Schizophrenic. She is insane. I'd be scared of her ! In any event, it's a touchy subject. |
Americansista
Newbie Poster
Username: Americansista
Post Number: 50
Registered: 09-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, December 28, 2006 - 01:26 pm: |
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Mzuri, you'd be surprised.
Just because someone is depressed doesn't mean they're not sharp. Even if she was a socialpath (Ted Bundy, for example), she could still lead a somewhat normal life and make decision - even irrational ones.
The thing is....SHE KNOWS something is wrong with her. SHE KNOWS IT but she doesn't want help because she feels that "black folks don't do stuff like this". I know, totally irrational and illogical but that is how she feels. Now there are those in the family and friend circle who have suggested to her parents and spouse that they force her into some sort of therapy or treatment center. She lives out of town and unfortunately I am not always around. I have talked to my Aunt and she really doesn't know what to do. I think she'll think that she is some how betraying her daughter if she forces treatment but I say...you're betraying her if you let her continue on this downward spiral. She is NOT getting better...and she has 3 small children. |
Jackie
Regular Poster
Username: Jackie
Post Number: 316
Registered: 04-2005
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, December 28, 2006 - 01:29 pm: |
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American sista, I worked with several young adults and teens this past summer who cut themselves. It's an extremely shameful act just like bulimia. If you get to the core of the issues it stems down to body image and self-esteem or some traumatic event that happened in that person's lives. Professional help is needed. Most individuals who cut themselves will only cut themselves. Has your family called a family meeting and expressed compassion and concern? Attacking and accusing (I'm not saying that your family does this) is not the route to go. It may make the situation worse. |
Enchanted
Regular Poster
Username: Enchanted
Post Number: 326
Registered: 11-2005
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, December 28, 2006 - 01:33 pm: |
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Jackie you and Moonsigns have really great posts that are helpful and i hate when you two dont post.
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Mzuri
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Mzuri
Post Number: 2582
Registered: 01-2006
Rating: 
Votes: 2 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, December 28, 2006 - 01:35 pm: |
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AS - I'm aware that crazy people can be intelligent, it just seems to me that your cousin isn't thinking clearly. But again, I have NEVER had any personal experience with self-mutilation. Either with my own self or with anyone close to me - to my knowledge. I mean, someone could have been doing it and I didn't know it. As to myself, I go crazy if I break a fingernail so I definitely ain't trying to hurt myself. It's a wonder my ears are even pierced because I can't tolerate any sort of pain. I get a headache if there's food stuck between my teeth.
Anyway, you all need to do what you think is right. But there's going to come a time when the family must stop talking about things and take some sort of action. I really really think you should take my advice and telephone a mental health authority. This situation is serious - we're not talking about simple mood swings or someone pulling out their hair.
Let me know what happens. 
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Jackie
Regular Poster
Username: Jackie
Post Number: 317
Registered: 04-2005
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, December 28, 2006 - 01:37 pm: |
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Thanks Enchanted. |
Americansista
Regular Poster
Username: Americansista
Post Number: 52
Registered: 09-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, December 28, 2006 - 01:41 pm: |
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Jackie, to be honest, I have not personally talked with my cousin about this in great detail. I have asked her how she's doing and what was going on with her but never have I straight up asked her, "XYZ", have you been cutting yourself? Now other members have talked with her about it and she's very self conscious and defensive. She have more problems from cutting herself and honestly I believe her MOTHER knows something about this, but won't say.
Mzuri, I think you're right. Action HAS to be taken. I do worry about her. She is such a beautiful and intelligent woman and to the average person, understanding her mentally imbalance is hard to do. As far as I know, this is the only person in the family that has ever had any "real" problems with mental illness so they're sorta stumped. |
Renata
Veteran Poster
Username: Renata
Post Number: 1659
Registered: 08-2005
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, December 28, 2006 - 01:49 pm: |
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ABM, I read a report somewhere before that women are more likely to take pills and alcohol, or slit their wrists and survive from it....and that men are more likely to shoot themselves in the head, hang themselves, or jump off a building. |
Abm
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Abm
Post Number: 7230
Registered: 04-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, December 29, 2006 - 08:13 am: |
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Americansista,
My wife said she knew several Black girls she grew up with who mutilated themselves. So if today's young sistas are not getting help for that condition, you can imagine how such a thing was viewed and handled DECADES ago.
She hasn't heard from them since. So she don't know how they turned out.
Renata,
That would DEFINITELY explain why men are more likely to die via suicide than women. |
Yvettep
Veteran Poster
Username: Yvettep
Post Number: 1515
Registered: 01-2005
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, December 29, 2006 - 12:15 pm: |
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I've heard similar stats about the different means men use resulting in their greater mortality. There is also discussion that there is a lot of "covert" suicide in men: things that get ruled accidents, motor fatalities--even some homicides have been speculated to be suicide-like behavior. Then there are the "slow suicides" of alcohol and substance abuse. No, it is definitely not (nor has it ever been) "just a White thing." |
Abm
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Abm
Post Number: 7241
Registered: 04-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, December 29, 2006 - 12:32 pm: |
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Yvettep,
I believe men generally are more fatalistic that women. Men are much more likely to want to do and to be things that could kill them.
And we're generally OKAY with that. |
Libralind2
Regular Poster
Username: Libralind2
Post Number: 404
Registered: 09-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, December 29, 2006 - 01:31 pm: |
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Not trying to gain sympathy but Im depressed and not sure what to do about it. Just like most stated it is not something folks like to talk about. Anyway..just thought Id say it so you know there is someone suffering from it.
LiLi |
Chrishayden
AALBC .com Platinum Poster
Username: Chrishayden
Post Number: 3210
Registered: 03-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, December 29, 2006 - 01:40 pm: |
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Libralind2:
You really ought to talk to your physician.
Black people, from my experience, are frightened of mental illness and tend to see it as self-inflicted or as possession or something instead of the organic disease that it often is. When I have approached friends and family about other friends and family who might be suffering mental illness they tend to start babbling about Jesus or ignoring it altogether.
Black people are supposed to be the hippest and most wise about things but on things like this they are sometimes totally ignorant. |
Mzuri
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Mzuri
Post Number: 2602
Registered: 01-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, December 29, 2006 - 01:41 pm: |
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LiLi - I don't know what type of depression you are going thru and you don't need to say - if it's just temporary or because it's Christmas or perhaps you are suffering from loss or grief.
I'm normally a very happy person but for those times when I'm feeling sad and blue there's usually a reason.
Some simple things that cheer me up is listening to music and dancing around, doing something special for myself even if it's just taking a nice long bubble bath in candlelight. Going for a drive, bargain hunting, or visiting with a special friend that always manages to cheer me up. Getting laid helps sometimes. Even just counting your blessings can work to chase away the blues.
I hope this too shall pass for you LiLi
Mzuri the wanna be Ph.D. 
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Chrishayden
AALBC .com Platinum Poster
Username: Chrishayden
Post Number: 3214
Registered: 03-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, December 29, 2006 - 01:51 pm: |
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Mzuri:
I think it is working. I am leading you to Jesus.
This is another reason why I hate Xmas. All the women I know get depressed at Xmas. They start thinking of how their life isn't perfect like they see on TV. They start thinking of what could be or could have been.
I hate Xmas. Cancel Xmas. It's just a con anyway.
You know what Xmas is? A bunch of non-Christian businessmen sitting around in a basement afterward counting loot and singing "What a Friend We Have in Jesus." |
Mzuri
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Mzuri
Post Number: 2603
Registered: 01-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, December 29, 2006 - 02:15 pm: |
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Christmas is nice you old grinchie scrooge  |
Cynique
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Cynique
Post Number: 6308
Registered: 01-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, December 29, 2006 - 02:31 pm: |
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I wouldn't miss Christmas if they discontinued it. It's more trouble than it's worth once you get grown. This year I didn't put up a tree or do any shopping. I just went over to my daugher's house and got drunk much to the delight of my grandchildren and the amusement of my children. I did give myself a new tattoo for a present.(my husband's name entwined with roses) |
Mzuri
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Mzuri
Post Number: 2606
Registered: 01-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, December 29, 2006 - 02:35 pm: |
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And where is the location of this tattoo???  |
Cynique
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Cynique
Post Number: 6314
Registered: 01-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, December 29, 2006 - 03:01 pm: |
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I had it put on my wrist so I could easily see it. It kinda looks like a bracelet and, boy, is it a conversation piece! |
Mzuri
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Mzuri
Post Number: 2611
Registered: 01-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, December 29, 2006 - 03:14 pm: |
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Sounds nice!  |
Chrishayden
AALBC .com Platinum Poster
Username: Chrishayden
Post Number: 3218
Registered: 03-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, December 29, 2006 - 03:20 pm: |
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Cynique:
You TOO are entering the ranks of the Enlightened.
Take me, Lord. I hath accomplished the work thou has tasked me to do. |
Yvettep
Veteran Poster
Username: Yvettep
Post Number: 1519
Registered: 01-2005
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, December 29, 2006 - 06:57 pm: |
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Cynique: You are the coolest. Your late Mister is lookin down, getting a kick out of that tattoo, I bet.
LiLi: PLEASE see a physician. It couldn't hurt, and you could get a full work up to rule out other things. I said this on another thread, but over the summer I was depressed, lethargic, and tired for a long period of time. I did all the self-stuff that Mzuri mentioned--usually those things are enough for me. But not this time. In my case, it was severe anemia, and as soon as I started on iron supplements I began to feel 100% better.
Whatever is going on with you, a good check-up cannot hurt. Hope you fell better soon. I've missed your comments here.  |
Libralind2
Regular Poster
Username: Libralind2
Post Number: 406
Registered: 09-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, December 29, 2006 - 07:33 pm: |
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Thanks all in particular Yvettep, Murzi and Chris. Ive been going through a great deal that Im not going to share but clearly Im not the person I know I should be. I will share that I made a major transition moving from Ohio to Houston thinking that would help but I seem to be getting worse. I really need a job and Im working on that. I havent worked in a year and its a bit rough right now. I have worked since I was 14 and I hate the position Im in at this moment. I know..it will pass but its very difficult. Thanks for listening.
LiLi
Oh and by the way, Im one of those folks with no insurance. |
Urban_scribe
AALBC .com Platinum Poster
Username: Urban_scribe
Post Number: 233
Registered: 05-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, December 29, 2006 - 07:38 pm: |
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LiLi,
Kudos to you for opening up. Are you a writer? If so, did you know that most writers suffer from depression? If left untreated, it usually leads to alcoholism, which explains why most writers are also notorious drunks. Hemingway, for example, whose untreated depression and alcoholism led to suicide. I echo the advice of others here - talk to your physician - the sooner the better, and good luck to you. |
Libralind2
Regular Poster
Username: Libralind2
Post Number: 407
Registered: 09-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, December 29, 2006 - 07:39 pm: |
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Mzuri..I am sorry I mispelled your name
LiLi |
Libralind2
Regular Poster
Username: Libralind2
Post Number: 408
Registered: 09-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, December 29, 2006 - 07:41 pm: |
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Urban..Im a wanna be writer..whose about to have a Brandy Alexander LOL Thanks for your concern
LiLi |
Jackie
Regular Poster
Username: Jackie
Post Number: 320
Registered: 04-2005
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, December 29, 2006 - 07:42 pm: |
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Lili "Kudos to you for opening up. Are you a writer? If so, did you know that most writers suffer from depression? If left untreated, it usually leads to alcoholism, which explains why most writers are also notorious drunks. Hemingway, for example, whose untreated depression and alcoholism led to suicide."
Boy, I betcha Lili reaaaally wanted to read that.
Best of luck to you in the New Year Lili ! |
Urban_scribe
AALBC .com Platinum Poster
Username: Urban_scribe
Post Number: 234
Registered: 05-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, December 29, 2006 - 07:46 pm: |
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I know what you mean, Jackie, I was quite reluctant to post it. But often people don't see/know the connection of things that seem unrelated. That oversight/unawareness could have disastrous consequences. |
Mzuri
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Mzuri
Post Number: 2622
Registered: 01-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, December 29, 2006 - 10:57 pm: |
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LiLi - Financial problems are surely the number one cause of depression. But those are usually temporary. With the birth of the upcoming new year, I pray that some new forms of acquiring wealth materialize for you. There is an overabundance of wealth and riches in the universe - you just need to tap into something that works for you. When we're going thru these situations it's difficult for us to conceptualize new ideas for making money but one day when we least expect it, it could come to us even in a dream. Something that we can do without a whole lot of effort, and these days we might not even need to leave our home. Use your contacts and don't be afraid to ask for help. Ya feel me???
Another very important thing that we often overlook is that we must stay properly hydrated by drinking plenty of water and juice. I used to never drink enough liquids and one day I saw on television (some women's show on LifeTime) that if you're always feeling sluggish and tired - actually they asked if you come home from work and lay down on your couch and can't move - it's probably because you're not drinking enough. I changed my habits and it made a major difference in my life. So in addition to eating properly, we need to make sure we're drinking (depending on our size it will vary) at least 6-8 glasses of whatever EVERYDAY. Not alcohol though.
I've never been a heavy drinker of alcohol but I do like to have a good bottle of beer every now and then. I also love me some Boone's Farm. But I've noticed that I can't tolerate it anymore the way I could when I was younger. Alcohol is definitely not a cure for depression. It probably just makes things worse.
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Cynique
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Cynique
Post Number: 6324
Registered: 01-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, December 29, 2006 - 11:43 pm: |
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Sometimes depression is seasonal - or even menopausal, LiLi. You know we just passed the winter solstice on December 21st and the days will start to grow longer as we go toward the light. I hope you emerge from the "blue funk" that has claimed you. I wish I knew something to recommend but always remember there are those who are worse off than you. |
Libralind2
Regular Poster
Username: Libralind2
Post Number: 409
Registered: 09-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Saturday, December 30, 2006 - 12:05 am: |
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Thank you both...
LiLi |
Lola_ogunnaike
Regular Poster
Username: Lola_ogunnaike
Post Number: 188
Registered: 10-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Saturday, December 30, 2006 - 12:09 am: |
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LOL |
Cynique
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Cynique
Post Number: 6338
Registered: 01-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Saturday, December 30, 2006 - 02:43 pm: |
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How appropriate that on a thread about depression we have some inane input from the bi-polar gadabout. Lolo's moods swing from the highs of "Me" to lows of "Myself". |
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