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Brownbeauty123
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Brownbeauty123
Post Number: 280
Registered: 03-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, June 09, 2006 - 07:16 pm: | 
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The dating rules have changed.
You have sex with the person very early on, and if the sex is good THEN you possibly consider a commitment.
It seems most Black guys are hell bent on getting as much pu$$y as they can for as long as they can. Seriously, men no longer want to go to the movies, park, roller skating, amusement parks, or anything that requires the time and effort to get to know a woman/girl.
Is it because our culture has become so sexualized?
Sucks dating in the 21st century if you're a traditional girl like me. |
Mzuri
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Mzuri
Post Number: 585
Registered: 01-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, June 09, 2006 - 07:59 pm: |
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What's changed? Black men have always wanted to have sex right away. And so have Black women. Black ppl like to have sex. |
Brownbeauty123
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Brownbeauty123
Post Number: 284
Registered: 03-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, June 09, 2006 - 08:20 pm: |
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I don't.
Not right away at least. |
Batmocop
Veteran Poster
Username: Batmocop
Post Number: 52
Registered: 03-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, June 09, 2006 - 10:17 pm: |
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Hmmm,
If you are a woman in your mid thirties with a career and divorced with or w/o kids. As I understand it you tend to look for the safe guy, the fun guy, and then the guy who can hit it just right! Right about in that order (I didn't make this up, I got it form interviewing a lot of single Black women) That is to say nothing about religion and values and dating/courtship. That’s all simply a precursor to getting down to business. I've found that once a Black woman finds out what she wants to know, she will have sex with a man just as fast as he would let it happen. Quite often that is overnight.
I'm told that women don't have time to groom a man in bed. He needs to show up rough and ready, or smooth and strong (take your pick ladies) The point is sometimes you gotta know up front; and talk is cheap!
-BatMo->
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Batmocop
Veteran Poster
Username: Batmocop
Post Number: 53
Registered: 03-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, June 09, 2006 - 10:20 pm: |
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Oh Damn! I'm sorry BB123 I forgot to mention that most men love romance, it is just viewed as a weakness to some of the women they choose to be with.
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Mzuri
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Mzuri
Post Number: 591
Registered: 01-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, June 09, 2006 - 10:46 pm: |
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I don't. Not right away at least.
Okay. Well that stuff you heard about stringing a man along for six months before you give him some, that doesn't work. He may be holding hands with you acting like he doesn't mind waiting, while he's knockin boots (or whatever it's called these days) with another honey around the corner. Let's keep it real. Once you get into a relationship with a Black man, he's gonna want to have sex. And you had better act like you want it and like it or he's gonna find another chica that will. |
Jackie
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Jackie
Post Number: 191
Registered: 04-2005
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, June 09, 2006 - 11:05 pm: |
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BB123, that's ok, if it works for you. Don't compromise your integrity for the sake of sex and stay true to yourself. There's somebody for everybody. It's all a matter of trust/honesty and not that you'll find "the one" in a Christian establishment, but at least the chances are pretty high if you seek a mate in one. It's all about priorities. |
Tonya
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Tonya
Post Number: 2627
Registered: 07-2005
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, June 09, 2006 - 11:16 pm: |
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A young woman I once babysat died last week of A.I.D.S. She was all of 22 and was for a time a part of the "dating game"…. That's all I have to say. |
Mzuri
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Mzuri
Post Number: 594
Registered: 01-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, June 09, 2006 - 11:24 pm: |
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Good Grief Ladies. Use prophylactics and protect yourselves. Do we need friggen sex education on this board??? |
Jackie
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Jackie
Post Number: 192
Registered: 04-2005
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, June 09, 2006 - 11:30 pm: |
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Hmmmmm....I'm sure BB123 knows how toHAVE SEX and everything that involves it too.(LOL!) Suggesting to someone not to compromise their integrity is not sex education. And even it was so what ? We all have the option on whether we want to comment on a topic or not. |
Mzuri
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Mzuri
Post Number: 595
Registered: 01-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Saturday, June 10, 2006 - 12:40 am: |
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Thanks Jackie. My comment re sex education was not directed towards you or your post. And thanks for reminding us all that we have the freedom of speech and expression here. That's so important. |
Jackie
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Jackie
Post Number: 193
Registered: 04-2005
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Saturday, June 10, 2006 - 02:13 am: |
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ok Mzuri I see what you meant overall. |
Brownbeauty123
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Brownbeauty123
Post Number: 289
Registered: 03-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Saturday, June 10, 2006 - 02:34 am: |
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Batmocop--
I'm 22 yrs old, single and in college.
Mzuri
Are you saying that I should give in *sooner*? I usually want the guy to get to know me for about 6 months or even more before we get around to doing the deed.
My male best friend is giving me pointers on how to get this guy I really like to to respect me.
He says don't kiss him until I've known him for 3 months.
Don't consider sex until 6 months to a year.
He said that if I break any of the rules my guy will think I'm just another ho that he "conquer".
He had a few more but can't remember.
I know my friend is trying to look out for me. But it's not working. And I like this guy and don't want to lose him. |
Brownbeauty123
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Brownbeauty123
Post Number: 290
Registered: 03-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Saturday, June 10, 2006 - 02:43 am: |
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Now you're all putting ideas in my head that this guy I like is probably screwing some girl right at this moment.
::sigh::
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Batmocop
Veteran Poster
Username: Batmocop
Post Number: 55
Registered: 03-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Saturday, June 10, 2006 - 09:56 am: |
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Wow BB123,
Okay, 22 is a troubling age in this day and time. You guys run the world! My thoughts are, if you are looking for something real, look for it in someone real. Guys don't respect you more when they can't get closer to you. If you don't want to have sex with a person until you are comfortable with the idea, then tell him exactly what you are thinking. Some men feel the need to have sex on the regular. If you aren't going to sleep with him tell him the real reason, don't depend on artificial time constraints. I just spoke to a woman yesterday about sleeping with a man on the first date. She told me that generally it's the wrong thing to do but they have been married for 18 years and are in love. (Scary) Dialog is the only thing that will tell you what you need to know. Don't rely on the "tricks of the trade" you will wind up alone. Lastly you need to understand why you want to be with this guy. If it's because you think he's sexy then you are trying to have your cake and keep it too. (Smile)
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Yvettep
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Yvettep
Post Number: 1040
Registered: 01-2005
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Saturday, June 10, 2006 - 10:03 am: |
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22 yrs old, single and in college
Good for you! You keep on keepin' on. Develop friendships with men if that's all that feels right to you. There's nothing like sitting in on bull sessions and finding out what they're like. (You may be surprised at what you do find--It's not all about "conquests" if you can read between the bluster.) Get to know yourself and what you like and do not like. Keep studying. Keep living.
One day you will be past 22. And the men around you will, too. There is NO rush to settle down--If waiting is what feels right, then wait. But there is also no need for strict rules. There is nothing magical about "the 3 month mark" or "the 6 month mark" or whatever. And "sex" is a broad term that encompasses many mental and physical activities.
Have fun, be safe, be true to yourself. You'll be fine!
Just 2 cents from an old married woman! |
Mzuri
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Mzuri
Post Number: 597
Registered: 01-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Saturday, June 10, 2006 - 11:36 am: |
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You can get to know someone without "dating." You can be just friends. Be friends, get to know each other, and decide if you want to take it further. But, when you make the decision to commit to a serious relationship, that hard-to-get-because-I'm-a-virgin routine typically doesn't work.
I'm not suggesting that you have full-blown sex with a man that you just met only because you went to dinner and a movie, I wouldn't do that myself. But if it's someone that I've known for a while and I'm comfortable doing that, then that's what I'm going to do. I'm certainly not easy - brothers got to court me - I make em work for it. But a man isn't going to hang around, take a woman out on endless dates, drives, picnics, and whatever while she strings him along and makes him wait for sex. A man wants to feel that he's important to you, that you want to be his woman and that you want to please him.
Men express love by making love - it's natural. And most men like having sex. And if you whip it on him just right, you can keep him coming back for more. Forever! You can put something on him to where he wouldn't even consider being with another woman. But that requires expertise. There's lots of books out here on the subject of sex, how to treat a man, run him crazy, and keep him coming back. I highly recommend you educate yourself on some of those techniques, because that knowledge is invaluable. It's priceless when the love of your life tells you he's been dreaming of you.
Anyway, my own personal policy - I don't do sex without love. It has to be more than a physical attraction or a case of the hots with me. I have a vibrator to relieve my hots. I have to genuinely care for that man and feel that he loves me back to give him some of this platinum pu$$y. LOL! |
Chrishayden
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Chrishayden
Post Number: 2276
Registered: 03-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Saturday, June 10, 2006 - 12:08 pm: |
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The hell with sex. Get you some MONEY!
With some money you can buy sex! |
Mzuri
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Mzuri
Post Number: 601
Registered: 01-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Saturday, June 10, 2006 - 12:31 pm: |
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I forgot to post my personal proverb. It's profound, it's really really deep, but here it is:
Sex WithOut Love Is Like Eating Empty Calories |
Brownbeauty123
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Brownbeauty123
Post Number: 291
Registered: 03-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Saturday, June 10, 2006 - 12:58 pm: |
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This guy and I are just friends right now.
but I DON'T want to just be friends with him.
I want more. I want him to want a serious relationship with me. Without that I am unhappy.
And I hate being single.
My male best friend is trying to get this guy to really "want" me by holding out sex for as long as possible. He keeps telling me that if I kiss him before we've know each other for 1-3 months he will think that I'm a slut, and that he can get into my panties.
So the longer I make him wait for just that kiss, the more he'll desire me, and the more effort he'll put in to HAVE me which will make the kiss much more precious. And i'll know that he's not just out for one thing.
I know my friend is trying to help me out, but right now it's annoying the fuck out of me with all this whore/good girl bullshit. Sometimes it angers me.
I told him that we held hands and he told me I shouldn't have done that with him because I am giving him signs that I want to have "sex" with him, and that's what he's going to get.
Are all men like this?
My crush and I both talked about what we both were looking for. The first time I asked him, he told me a "friend" but if it turns into a relationship that's cool. When he told me that I was so happy.
The next time I saw him I asked the same thing, but his reponse was slightly different. He strictly told me "friends with benefits".
I don't want that.
Well, I made it clear to him that I don't believe in friends with benefits, and that I only have sex with a person that I am committed to. He told me he respected that.
I asked my male friends about the situation, and they told me when he said "friends with benefits" it's just a sign that he views me as a piece of pu$$y. And laughed at me for thinking that we can just be "friends", and that this guy will even commit to me.
I'm trying to be optimistic and hope that my crush will change his mind. I'm hoping once he gets to know me more he'll see me in a different light.
Because right now, I like him way too much to try to find someone else. I DON'T want anyone else right now. I'm starting to truly develop feelings for him. I haven't told him yet.
I'm thinking he doesn't call much because he knows he won't be getting any pu$$y from me. And he's probably getting something from some other girl because ppl move so fast nowadays. I just can't compete with all those freaks out there.
Mzuri,
I am not experienced with sex at all. So the "putting it on him so good" will mostly likely fail in my case.
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Brownbeauty123
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Brownbeauty123
Post Number: 292
Registered: 03-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Saturday, June 10, 2006 - 01:00 pm: |
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Oh, and he's 2 years younger than me. |
Mzuri
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Mzuri
Post Number: 602
Registered: 01-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Saturday, June 10, 2006 - 01:44 pm: |
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Women mature faster than men, which is why it's recommended that women associate with older men. You want someone who is of the same maturity level as yourself. But whatever turns you on is fine.
You don't need experience with sex. We all started with little or no knowledge about sex. You can ask your close girlfriends or sisters to share some of their techniques and advice, you can watch films (mild porn - not hard-core - sex shouldn't be vulgar), or you can read books and mags and learn that way.
A couple of books that I would recommend - 203 WAYS TO DRIVE A MAN WILD IN BED by Olivia St Claire. You don't need to use all those techniques, you can just use a few and then develop more of your own.
And KAMA SUTRA - THE ARTS OF LOVE. This is a picture book and it's very informative. I recommend studying Kama Sutra in general - it is a lifestyle philosophy regarding social behavior and acquiring knowledge. Not just about lovemaking.
There is also Chanda Tantra, Ananga Ranga and Perfumed Garden. You can research those online. |
Tonya
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Tonya
Post Number: 2630
Registered: 07-2005
Rating: 
Votes: 1 (Vote!) | | Posted on Saturday, June 10, 2006 - 01:45 pm: |
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Mzuri:
But a man isn't going to hang around, take a woman out on endless dates, drives, picnics, and whatever while she strings him along and makes him wait for sex.
Tonya:
This just goes to show that people often have very different experiences. If a man is INTERESTED in you, Brownbeauty, he WILL do just that: dates, drives, picnics, and he will wait for sex. And once you are treated that way, you won't accept anything less because nothing compares to being treated like you're the most beautiful girl in the world and that your thoughts and wishes matters so much to someone else. You will develop certain standards and the men who don't meet them you will simply overlook. |
Brownbeauty123
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Brownbeauty123
Post Number: 293
Registered: 03-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Saturday, June 10, 2006 - 01:46 pm: |
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Mzuri,
Will this make him want a "relationship" or just "sex"?
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Mzuri
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Mzuri
Post Number: 604
Registered: 01-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Saturday, June 10, 2006 - 02:02 pm: |
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That's like asking which came first - the chicken or the egg. Sex is part of a relationship. A very important part. If a man wants "just" sex, you should be able to make that determination before you get further involved. Your woman's intuition will tell you if a man is genuinely interested in you, cares for you, and wants a long-term relationship or if he just wants to slam-bam-thank-you-ma'am. |
Abm
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Abm
Post Number: 4657
Registered: 04-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, June 11, 2006 - 12:50 am: |
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Mzuri: "And if you whip it on him just right, you can keep him coming back for more. Forever! You can put something on him to where he wouldn't even consider being with another woman."
I'm down with most of the other stuff you said. But don't delude yourself, babe. Because as was said the movie The Best Man: "The only thing better than p*$$% is NEW p*$$%."
Brownbeauty123,
I DISAGREE with your male friend.
It is UNLIKELY that you will be able to effectively establish and maintain control over the sexual desire and behavior of a man.
Your manipulating kissing, cuddling and such will NOT win the favor of a man. Because, like Mzuri has sagely recognized, many men will just continue to kick it with you and bone other chicks on the side.
Just be yourself.
Don't become dude's on private human dildo or anything (unless, of course, you're down with that). But if you and he are ready to become intimately connected, just take the proper testing and precautions.
And then HAVE FUN!
Tonya: "If a man is INTERESTED in you, Brownbeauty, he WILL do just that: dates, drives, picnics, and he will wait for sex."
Depends on the man and on how you define "wait". I think after, say, 3 months of waiting, there's a fairly HIGH probability that most men - even the most honorable sorts - are gonna either start pressing a woman for her cQQchie. Or start to cosy up to somebody else's. |
Brownbeauty123
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Brownbeauty123
Post Number: 295
Registered: 03-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, June 11, 2006 - 01:32 am: |
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How do I get him to want a relationship with me?
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Abm
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Abm
Post Number: 4660
Registered: 04-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, June 11, 2006 - 01:40 am: |
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Brownbeauty123,
Again. There's really nothing you can do but be who and what you are. Hope it's what he wants. BUT be capable of tolerating and surviving the possibility that he'll NOT feel about you as you do about him.
That's really how LIFE works, babe.
I would, however, recommend that you live and do well in your endeavors and pursuits WITHOUT all the self-congratulating that many Black women mistakenly engage in. Men generally prize an accomplished woman who's both confident YET modest. |
Brownbeauty123
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Brownbeauty123
Post Number: 296
Registered: 03-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, June 11, 2006 - 10:38 am: |
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Okay.
I really don't think I can handle rejection at this point. I like him more than I should right now. And it's already driving me insane that I haven't talked to him in several days. |
Mzuri
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Mzuri
Post Number: 605
Registered: 01-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, June 11, 2006 - 11:28 am: |
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I'm down with most of the other stuff you said. But don't delude yourself, babe. Because as was said the movie The Best Man: "The only thing better than p*$$% is NEW p*$$%."
There's a problem when we take proverbs and snappy sayings heard in movies and music too literally. There will always be a desire for newness, and that works both ways. When I was younger, with most attractive Black men I met, I carried on a conversation and wondered what he was packin in his pants the whole time we were talking. Not saying that I pursued it, but that was my main focus back then. And it's natural, if I meet a man I'm going to look at his pants. But that doesn't interest me so much anymore. I don't look at a group of men and wonder who has the biggest d*ck. Now that I've matured, I prefer to be with the known, what I'm comfortable with. But that's just me. Different strokes.
Most ppl don't place the emphasis on sex or take the time to develop expertise. To many ppl it's just something that they do. They do it to fulfill a carnal urge. They are lax to experiment. They are lazy, they let themselves go and they take their partner for granted. That's why most relationships don't last. Everyone wants to be made to feel special and important - and making love to them is the ideal way to express that. But most people don't bother to do it for their partner, and they get what they give.
Back to the newness issue, that's what the techniques I wrote about previously address. Ananga Ranga is intended for couples in monogamous (not monotonous) relationships and it imparts how to keep things fresh and interesting. Shows us that we can flip it, twirl it and spin it around in an endless combination of ways. Obviously there's more to supersex than acrobatics, but I'm sure that a man would rather be with a woman who knows how to work it, than a chick that lays on her back inspecting her manicure. So that knowledge and extra effort combined with my ancient secret douche formulation, and I can turn this old pu$$y into some brand new hot and extra spicy pu$$y. Trust me.
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Abm
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Abm
Post Number: 4661
Registered: 04-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, June 11, 2006 - 11:56 am: |
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Mzuri,
To keep a man's dyck in check (assuming that such is even within the realm of POSSIBILITY), a woman must have A LOT more going on than being able to pop the cQQchie.
I won’t pretend to know the hearts & minds of every man. But I’d bet you most honest Black men would concede that THAT The Best Man "new p*$$%" line is ‘bout as TRUE a movie aphorism as one will find.
I’m sure your boudoir skills are ALLDAT. But these days, great p*$$%, boning and blow job skills quite literally "cum a dime a dozen”.
A man will take all those wondrous things you’ve done to his dyck, turn right around and try elicit the same “Ananga Ranga” skills from your innocent, but PHAT-a$$/breasted 19-year-old niece. |
Mzuri
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Mzuri
Post Number: 606
Registered: 01-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, June 11, 2006 - 12:29 pm: |
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BrotherMan, if you haven't gathered that I have more going on for myself, or more to offer a man than some coochie, there's nothing I can do to convey that.
I'm trying to talk to this young inexperienced woman about getting a man, and keeping him interested. She started this discussion with the comment that something has changed in the Black community because men seem to be interested in sex more. But nothing has changed, it's always been that way. Black ppl like sex. Do they like it more than white ppl? I don't know - I don't deal with them. But from what I've seen in my lifetime, Black men have a much stronger sexual prowess than men of other races, which is part of their charm and appeal. To me.
I'm talking to her about sex because that was the basis of her question. I'm not trying to tell her how to fix her hair, apply her makeup, which perfume appeals to men more, how she should become well-read and educated, learn the social graces, and all the rest. Just addressing the issue of sex. And no, she can't learn everything she needs to know about it from me, her momma, a book, or a message board. She's going to have to learn by doing. But I do feel that some of my advice will be useful. Either way, she can take it or she can leave it.
Now, if you want to spend your lifetime chasing behind new pu$$y, then more power to you. But that behavior pattern doesn't make for lasting meaningful relationships. And it does nothing to repair the scattered, shattered and broken Black community. |
Mzuri
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Mzuri
Post Number: 607
Registered: 01-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, June 11, 2006 - 12:40 pm: |
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I really don't think I can handle rejection at this point. I like him more than I should right now. And it's already driving me insane that I haven't talked to him in several days.
BB - Let me just tell you this one thing. And you can disregard everything else I've ever said here, but this is really important.
You are a woman. Woman controls the relationship much more than a man will ever be able to. Woman determines many more events in a relationship than man. Control the situation, do not let the situation control you. This pertains to this relationship and any other situation that you encounter ever. Do not put yourself or allow yourself to be put into a position of weakness. Maintain control. Always. |
Tonya
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Tonya
Post Number: 2633
Registered: 07-2005
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, June 11, 2006 - 01:45 pm: |
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ABM:
{he WILL do just that...wait}
You responded: "Depends on the man and on how you define 'wait'."
You also said (to Beauty):
"I would, however, recommend that you live and do well in your endeavors and pursuits WITHOUT all the self-congratulating that many Black women mistakenly engage in. Men generally prize an accomplished woman who's both confident YET modest."
Tonya:
Wait = until she (OR HE) is ready: 3 days, 3 months, 3 years, 3 decades, ect. And though you are right, whether it works out does depend on the love, respect, and patience of the man (OR WOMAN), it takes a lot more confidence than modesty for a woman (OR MAN) to stand such ground. Lastly, men "prize" women who prize themselves; AND VICE VERSA. |
Abm
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Abm
Post Number: 4664
Registered: 04-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, June 11, 2006 - 03:16 pm: |
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Mzuri,
I agree with what you say about with respect to the other charms savvy women possess and wield. And I agree that chasing new p*$$% leads to deadends for both the person and the community.
I only rebutted your prior emphasis on a woman using her sexual prowess to keep a man's dyck in check.
Tonya,
I agree with you. And, if you recall, I recommended to Brownbeauty123 the following:
@ "There's really nothing you can do but be who and what you are...."
@ "be capable of tolerating and surviving the possibility that he'll NOT feel about you as you do about him."
@ "...recommend that you live and do well in your endeavors and pursuits..."
I think ALL of those constitute "women who prize themselves..." |
Tonya
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Tonya
Post Number: 2637
Registered: 07-2005
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, June 11, 2006 - 03:37 pm: |
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You would. |
Abm
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Abm
Post Number: 4667
Registered: 04-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, June 11, 2006 - 03:41 pm: |
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Tonya,
Is this the part where I'm made to endure Thumper's Corner obligatory evil Black man spiel? |
Tonya
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Tonya
Post Number: 2638
Registered: 07-2005
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, June 11, 2006 - 04:00 pm: |
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No. I think it was the part where you spoke your mind. And I think that's what we all do. Right? So let the readers decide what type of black man you are. Honestly, that's not why I'm here. Besides, even if they weren't smart enough, your message is quite clear.  |
Chrishayden
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Chrishayden
Post Number: 2284
Registered: 03-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, June 12, 2006 - 11:29 am: |
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To quote Harlan Ellison:
Sex ain't nothin' but love misspelled.
Love is a four letter word. |
Grind
Newbie Poster
Username: Grind
Post Number: 24
Registered: 04-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, June 13, 2006 - 04:38 pm: |
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We should all meet up somewhere. And have sex. |
Fortified
AALBC .com Platinum Poster
Username: Fortified
Post Number: 97
Registered: 04-2006
Rating:
Votes: 2 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, June 13, 2006 - 06:48 pm: |
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Men often know right away if you're just a screw or if you are relationship material--whether you make him wait for sex or not. He can lose interest in you either way, it doesn't matter how much time has passed. The key is to be busy, do not make a man the center of your life. Have a life of your own, so that he will want to be a part of it. Clinginess and 100% availability is a big no-no... |
Mzuri
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Mzuri
Post Number: 616
Registered: 01-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, June 13, 2006 - 07:00 pm: |
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Men often know right away if you're just a screw or if you are relationship material--whether you make him wait for sex or not. He can lose interest in you either way, it doesn't matter how much time has passed. The key is to be busy, do not make a man the center of your life. Have a life of your own, so that he will want to be a part of it. Clinginess and 100% availability is a big no-no...
Exactly. Thank you!!! |
Moonsigns
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Moonsigns
Post Number: 1179
Registered: 07-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, June 13, 2006 - 07:19 pm: |
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Exactly right, Fortified!!!! |
Doberman23
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Doberman23
Post Number: 400
Registered: 01-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, June 16, 2006 - 01:29 am: |
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mzuri: What's changed? Black men have always wanted to have sex right away. And so have Black women. Black ppl like to have sex.
as opposed to all other races?
i forgot who said that they'd wait 6 months before giving up the twizat...but if a guy waits that long he has absolutely positivly no game or is a virgin ... if i held out that long, you best believe that i have another woman that you don't know about until your ready to give it up.
fortified you made the most sense out everything i read. |
Brownbeauty123
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Brownbeauty123
Post Number: 309
Registered: 03-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, June 16, 2006 - 09:17 am: |
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Doberman-
I think that if a man waits six months than he is a mature man who is at a point in his life where he is sick of chasing after pu$$y. He could be looking for a wife and not just a piece of a$$.
Doberman, is that the goal for every woman you meet is when is she going to give you some ass? Is that all women have to offer to you ?
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Brownbeauty123
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Brownbeauty123
Post Number: 310
Registered: 03-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, June 16, 2006 - 09:22 am: |
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Anyway,
Things between me and him are not going to work out. He is clearly only interested in sex. Not even a friendship really.
I asked him to be truly honest with me. And let me know what was on his mind, with hesistation he finally came out and told me he wanted to "bang" me on his bday which is in another week. He said that would be the greatest bday present ever.
So, I want a relationship and he wants some pussy. It's devastating because I thought he really liked me. He has absolutely no interest in anything I say on the phone, all he does is try to constantly get me over his house.
I'll have to move on): |
Dakota
Newbie Poster
Username: Dakota
Post Number: 25
Registered: 03-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, June 16, 2006 - 10:41 am: |
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Brownbeauty123: *Sigh* you'll find the right one, don't worry.
It's funny, one of my best friends is a guy and we talk about this subject every so often. About a week ago, he told me he was thinking about getting "escorts" because he didn't feel like going through all the motions to get a woman in bed. I told him that there has to be woman out there who just want sex too with no strings attached, but we are in disagreement about this.
I do agree on a couple of things: First, in my experience, both men and women want sex right away. Most of the time, a woman holds back because she doesn't want the man to think she's a ho. Second, a man will definitely know whether a woman is sex material or relationship material pretty soon after meeting a woman. And like a woman, once he's made that decision, it's all said and done so it doesn't matter when a woman decides she wants to give it up, etc. Third, men need sex (and women too, for that matter). If a woman isn't giving it up, men will get it somewhere else. Fourth, communication is key. Verbal and nonverbal. I think, for the most part, a woman can tell where a man is coming from, and vice versa. The key is not to ignore the obvious signals. (i.e. if a man's not calling you or wanting to see you, for whatever reason, on the regular, then he's not that interested). Last, all this dating stuff is frustrating as hell... |
Brownbeauty123
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Brownbeauty123
Post Number: 314
Registered: 03-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, June 16, 2006 - 11:36 am: |
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" Second, a man will definitely know whether a woman is sex material or relationship material pretty soon after meeting a woman. And like a woman, once he's made that decision, it's all said and done so it doesn't matter when a woman decides she wants to give it up, etc"
I agree with this assessment.
I would like to know what men define as "sex material" and "relationship material"...what makes one woman good for "sex" and the other good for a true longlasting "relatinship"
because like I, there are plenty of young women out there who are NOT looking for just a roll in the hay, and are truly seeking a real relatinship. We often run into men who place us into the "sex material" category when in fact we feel as though we are more "relationship material". Is it just that these men are in a phase in their life where they want to bed as many attractive women as possible and don't care to differentiate between the "hos" and the "good girls"..?
In my situation, I made it CLEAR to him that i don't engage in casual sex. And that I only get intimate with someone when it's a commitment. yet, to him I'm still a "ho" that he wants to bang on his birthday.
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Ntfs_encryption
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Ntfs_encryption
Post Number: 212
Registered: 10-2005
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, June 16, 2006 - 03:04 pm: |
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“In my situation, I made it CLEAR to him that i don't engage in casual sex. And that I only get intimate with someone when it's a commitment.”
Good. Stick with that position and the quality of your life will remain high. If you compromise, you’ll have a lot more dates along with the possibility of AIDS, an STD, hepatitis, an unwanted pregnancy or a frustrated and broken heart. The choice is yours.
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Abm
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Abm
Post Number: 4700
Registered: 04-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, June 16, 2006 - 04:31 pm: |
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BB123,
I'm a happily married man. But if I had had to wait 6 months to get some p*$$%, my wife and I probably would NEVER have married.
Sorry.  |
Doberman23
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Doberman23
Post Number: 405
Registered: 01-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, June 16, 2006 - 04:44 pm: |
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bb123 you said: I think that if a man waits six months than he is a mature man who is at a point in his life where he is sick of chasing after pu$$y. He could be looking for a wife and not just a piece of a$$.
are u serious? why should a guy wait that long? what does that prove? how does it prove that he's supposed to be mature because he can wait that long? i can stay underwater for almost two minutes that doesn't mean i'm a fish. i know of exactly one couple that are married that didn't engage in any sexual activites prior to being married.... exactly one! i have been with my girlfriend for a while now and chances are very very high that she is who i am going to end up with so maybe you should rethink your theory. i have never cheated on her either and trust me i could have.
i'm sorry to let you know but guys who wait that long are guys who don't have skills to seal the deal... maybe because they are nice guys who are way too nice for their own good (insecure doormatt), some are religious dudes who just stick to what ever their religion tells them (bible thumper), and the last but not least a guy who better settle for what he can get (living in mom's basement-weirdo). if you meet a guy who is not insecure then he's not going to sit around and let you decide or dictate what he could or should be getting out of a relationship. maybe your the one who's immature because you are trying to use sex as a weapon. your the type who would hold out on your husband because he didn't take out the garbage or some dumb shit like that, or worse yet your the type who would just ration it out. so the question is are you mature if you use sex as your option to getting what you want? if the guy that your wanting to get with is about his shit, then that means that he's giving up something valuable everytime that he spends time with you... and that would be his time. before you say something like...oh' what about my time? your time is for you, but his time with you is supposed to be spent on both of ya'll. i don't mean to offend but i think you need to get with one of the types i listed before, they will be more than happy to kiss your ass and they won't even try to pressure you ...it's your safest alternative, from not getting hurt again.
by the way, i know i may sound sorta like a womanizer but at least i'm not trying to bullshit you. men who have their shit together have options, so you can take my babling for what it's worth or try reading some books written by date doctors who forget to tell you that they are now divorced.
as far as the stds... just make sure that you wrap it up before you slap it up. only thing that will still get you as far as i know are herpes and crabs... so bang with the lights on the first time. |
Abm
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Abm
Post Number: 4701
Registered: 04-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, June 16, 2006 - 07:44 pm: |
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Dobes,
A bit "heavyhanded". But...yeah. |
Brownbeauty123
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Brownbeauty123
Post Number: 319
Registered: 03-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, June 16, 2006 - 08:59 pm: |
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I want to make sure that this guy likes me for ME.
You don't know that when you fuck someone after a MONTH of just knowing them.
Do you know how many times I can get screwed over by just bedding every guy who "poses" as if he truly loves and cares about me? I'd look like a fool every damn time if I go by your horny ass rules Doberman.
My reasons are to be CAUTIOUS and AWARE of men who will do anything, and EVERYTHING just to sleep with me. I want to guard my heart.
Doberman, you make it seem as if that is all women have to offer is their body. Like in exchange for a few walks to the park, the movies and a few drinks equates her putting out?? What kind of bull is that ?
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Ntfs_encryption
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Ntfs_encryption
Post Number: 222
Registered: 10-2005
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, June 16, 2006 - 10:27 pm: |
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My reasons are to be CAUTIOUS and AWARE of men who will do anything, and EVERYTHING just to sleep with me. I want to guard my heart.
Good. Then you should have no problems.
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Brownbeauty123
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Brownbeauty123
Post Number: 321
Registered: 03-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Saturday, June 17, 2006 - 08:39 am: |
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Nfts,
why is doberman acting as if it's okay to just jump into sex right away?
A relationship can burn out fast when you introduce sex too early. What do you have to look forward to? |
Brownbeauty123
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Brownbeauty123
Post Number: 322
Registered: 03-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Saturday, June 17, 2006 - 10:11 am: |
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"if you meet a guy who is not insecure then he's not going to sit around and let you decide or dictate what he could or should be getting out of a relationship"
You are an ASS, and just full of GAME. Bullshitting GAMER.
Everything you say reminds me of the typical pussy chasing player who is trying his DAMNDEST to get a girl to drop her drawers.
In the beginning you PRETEND that you're actually into the girl, and that you enjoy spending time with her, and then you run this BULLSHIT so she can drop her panties.
Just so happen that the last time you ran this game you actually ended up liking the girl.
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Doberman23
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Doberman23
Post Number: 406
Registered: 01-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, June 18, 2006 - 03:43 pm: |
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bb123 your the game player. your setting up rules and you made your piece of ass the golden prize. what are you in jr. highschool? a guy with skills is not going to be dry humping, rubbing your utters, kissing, squeezing that ass, or possibly fingering you for 6 months.... period!
go ahead and stick to your game plan bb123, i hope that it works out for you. (just be warned, a take-charge man isn't your type)
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Brownbeauty123
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Brownbeauty123
Post Number: 331
Registered: 03-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, June 18, 2006 - 04:11 pm: |
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Doberman23, you sound very manipulative.
Is that all you look forward to in a relationship is when youre gonna be able to bust one? There are other important qualities of a relationship than SEX.
You're pointing fingers at ME explaining how I am "setting up rules" and "dictating what a man should be getting out of a relationship" has it ever crossed your mind that if a guy feels that way he has the option, and the CHOICE to exit? If they stick around then obviously they LIKE me and don't mind waiting. Otherwise---GOOD FUCKING BYE!
I am looking for someone who SHARES the same perspective on relationships that I do. I am not going around forcing men to sit around and wait for sex. I can't hold ANY man down. If you want a woman who doesn't mind giving it up within the first weeks of a relationship GO FIND ONE!
There are plenty of secure and confident men who respects a woman's decision to wait. If you know this is the woman that you want to be with, and you're destined to be together, why throw away something good when you know you won't find it elsewhere?
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Anunaki3600
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Anunaki3600
Post Number: 173
Registered: 04-2005
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, June 19, 2006 - 05:18 am: |
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BB123, you are looking at the wrong person for "a long lasting relationship". The guy you want is two years younger than you, which makes him 20 years old. Do you really really think that a 20 year old stud is ready for "a long term relationship"???. Don't fool yourself.n He is looking for experience. A 20 year old dude is hornier than a toad during the rainy season. He's like a bull. He want to bang anything in sight. He might go crazy and bang the wall if he can. He need's a forty year old horny woman to teach him the meaning of life, not a 22 year old girl looking for a long term relationship. You probably too need some experience before settling down for a long term relationship. My two cents. |
Doberman23
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Doberman23
Post Number: 411
Registered: 01-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, June 19, 2006 - 11:09 am: |
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bb123 you ought to be thanking me for my honesty, i don't know why your trying to pretend that sex isn't a factor in a relationship. i am trying to give you a perspective that you hadn't quite observed and instead of getting all pissy maybe you should take notes. anyways i'm just gonna' leave this alone, i'm in a great relationship, all my boyz that are married or have long term girlfriends pretty much think just like me, and people who make more $$$$ or are more successul than i am are even worse. good luck bb123 |
Mzuri
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Mzuri
Post Number: 650
Registered: 01-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, June 19, 2006 - 11:23 am: |
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BrownBeauty - Not sure which thread we were in but you mentioned that you want to settle down. I know that you said you are 22 years old and what I'm about to say is not intended to hurt you are put you down. But . . . the human brain is not fully developed until age 25. Your judgment and reasoning skills aren't working at full capacity yet. Therefore, (my advice only) don't put so much emphasis on finding the perfect lifelong mate right now. You still have your whole life ahead of you. |
Moonsigns
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Moonsigns
Post Number: 1186
Registered: 07-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, June 19, 2006 - 05:40 pm: |
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Brownbeauty,
I know it's proably difficult being in the dating scene and constantly dealing with men who seem to have little mastery of their sex-drive. However, I respect your resolve to honor yourself, and I'm happy that you won't settle to be just another "piece".
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Abm
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Abm
Post Number: 4705
Registered: 04-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, June 19, 2006 - 05:59 pm: |
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It's interesting...
There is no more vilified human inclination than the sex drive of a young male - ESPECIALLY that which is associated with a BLACK male.
And yet, almost NONE of us would be here...WITHOUT it. |
Femrenoir
Newbie Poster
Username: Femrenoir
Post Number: 25
Registered: 05-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, June 19, 2006 - 09:42 pm: |
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It is not a bad thing - just way too 'charming'!
So why are the girls attracted to the big bad wolf? Danger - watch yourself!
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Femrenoir
Regular Poster
Username: Femrenoir
Post Number: 26
Registered: 05-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, June 19, 2006 - 09:55 pm: |
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BB123 - It sounds like your 'friend' may be a better candidate for settling down. Just remember, if you settle down at 22, you could end up spending 70 years with that same person. What's the rush? It is wierd how women feel like we need a man. I think a lot of us want the 'relationship', so we can have guiltfreesex! But if that were true, then wouldn't we pick the 1st nice guy who comes along. Why the bad boys?? |
Doberman23
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Doberman23
Post Number: 413
Registered: 01-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, June 20, 2006 - 09:12 am: |
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it's not even about being a badboy. a guy with confidence and a sense of humor can have just about any woman of that age depanty herself. (especially at 22)
bb123 has a while before she hits the expiration date. |
Brownbeauty123
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Brownbeauty123
Post Number: 333
Registered: 03-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, June 20, 2006 - 09:17 am: |
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What do you mean?
And why do women have to have "expiration" dates?
Thanks for the compliment Moonsigns I apreciate.
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Moonsigns
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Moonsigns
Post Number: 1189
Registered: 07-2004
Rating:
Votes: 1 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, June 20, 2006 - 11:19 am: |
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Abm,
Sex-drive is necessary in order for survival of the human species, however; we aren't discussing pro-creation. The issue at hand is how relentless and selfish the male, sexual ego is. When any man (and too many men do) suggests that the only redeeming quality a woman has is her pu$$y, confident women, and women who desire a healthy and mutually beneficial, sexual relationship with ONE man, have every right to vilify the self-serving, and ususally perverted, sexual attitudes of men who can't (and don't) respect that.
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Moonsigns
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Moonsigns
Post Number: 1190
Registered: 07-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, June 20, 2006 - 11:34 am: |
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Brownbeauty,
As you get older, you're going to find that men who hold the most sexist, "wrong" views are, typically, also men who are incredibly insecure. Put that "expiration date" shyt in one ear and out the other. Life is too short and there is too much fun too be had to digest and dwell on such negativity. And while the desire for a healthy relationship is natural, it is not everything.
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Brownbeauty123
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Brownbeauty123
Post Number: 335
Registered: 03-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, June 20, 2006 - 02:56 pm: |
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When we had our first conversation he seemed so mature to me. Mainly because he has been living on his own since he was 16, and posesses a certain "street smarts" that I found highly charming and attractive.
In reality he *just* turned 20 years old today--at first I didn't want to sound like a craddle robber by stating he was 19 and I was 22.
He seemed to have been interested in a relationship at first, and then later down the road he decided he was looking for "friends with benefits".
Perhaps, I did ignore the signs of him soley being interested in sex. He kept trying to get me to watch porn with him when I visited. And would mention every now and then how he liked to have sex all the time.
I'll just have to keep him at a distance. Now that I know him a bit more, his "immature" side is slowly starting to unravel.
Thanks for the advice Moonsigns. I guess you're not so bad afterall |
Brownbeauty123
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Brownbeauty123
Post Number: 336
Registered: 03-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, June 20, 2006 - 02:57 pm: |
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He even had the nerve to ask me could he finger my butthole. Do ppl really do that? |
Abm
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Abm
Post Number: 4709
Registered: 04-2004
Rating: 
Votes: 2 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, June 20, 2006 - 05:03 pm: |
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Moonsigns,
There's no On-Off switch for sexual desire. With respect to our phallus, we men are mostly what our fathers, grand fathers and great grandfathers were.
And the issue is NOT just a matter "male ego".
Frankly, MUCH of what BB123 decry is the product of the Liberation of WOMEN. It is you WOMEN now having the choice and freedom to pursue YOUR desires - largely free of social and religious condemnation and inconvenient pregnancy - that has resulted in a virtual sexual free-for-all.
Thus, barring sufficient social and cultural barriers and breeding, the eros within man doth plunder and feed.
I don't know what, if at all, can put the ravenous lust geni back into its bottle (assuming, of course, THAT is what's desired by most). But I suspect any viable solution will require that women AND men modify their thoughts, standards and behavior. |
Doberman23
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Doberman23
Post Number: 416
Registered: 01-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, June 21, 2006 - 02:12 am: |
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bb123 LOL! yes and he will wait til you leave or even worse after fingering any of your holes he will pretend to scratch his nose so he can get a wiff of that finger
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Ntfs_encryption
"Cyniquian" Level Poster
Username: Ntfs_encryption
Post Number: 248
Registered: 10-2005
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, June 22, 2006 - 01:01 am: |
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"He even had the nerve to ask me could he finger my butthole. Do ppl really do that?"
Only if you let them. |
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